Having read the blogs on here over the last few days my problem seems miniscule in comparison.
A couple of weeks ago I felt like I had come to the end of my road to be honest. I felt so down and depressed I felt I couldn't go on. I have been poorly with a horrible virus as well and am now on antibiotics. It seems silly but whilst I felt so ill the depression went slightly into the background (I mean slightly...never going to disappear).
The thing is I got so fed up of looking at (and talking to) 4 walls that I decided I needed to get out by myself as everyone else has their own plans and is too busy blah, blah...
I am supposed to be going to an opening of a film festival this evening which is being opened by a famous Oscar winning British Actor....but now I'm getting cold feet about going on my own...it's pathetic I know. I really want to go but being on my own absolutely terrifies me. I still don't feel at all well either which isn't helping; I'm now arguing with myself "if you don't go you'll regret it etc etc" but am I really brave enough to do it when my confidence is at rock bottom. As I said in a previous blog I have put a bit of weight on and my clothes don't seem to fit as they used to...so now my illogical mind is telling me that's a good enough reason not to go!!!
My sister and one of my friends know I've booked myself a place and I can hear it now if I don't go...."it's your own fault you're fed up...you had the opportunity to go out...". It's very easy for someone else to say when they never have to be on their own and would have company to the opening of an envelope...sorry I know that sounds flippant but that's how I feel.