I actually have no clue what to do?

[Gfhjjjn]

I’m 17 years old and live in the UK and my depression is so bad it is like crushing me everyday it wasn’t that bad. Like it was bad but then at the start of lockdown I experimented with drugs all in one week I had tried ketamine coke and MDMA for the first time and that just destroyed me haven’t done it since. However then I started taking opiods and then couple months later I’m no dependant on them . But I experienced withdrawal for the first time yesterday and it was so bad I never want to try them again. However yeah like this just makes me so depressed all the time I have been heavily addicted to video games for around 5 years and this is like now only 5 hours a day but before it was easily 12+ no problem every day I hate school I hate being in that social situation I just hate any social situation if it was up to me I’d never leave my room I even feel so awkward around my family I hardly talk to them feel like they don’t know me and I don’t know them I just honestly wish I could die however could never put that burden on my family. Also I’m not in the situation to open up and get help I’m so scared to tell my family about this like it’s never gonna happen but I want help so bad but I just got to battle this on my own all I do all day is lie in my bed and do nothing I can’t motivate myself to do anything I really just hate life I don’t see no benefits in working everyday for money and repeat my life goal is to wait for my family to die then kill myself but I can’t wait that long

[Sillysausage234]

healthunlocked.com/anxiety-...

[Sillysausage234]

Hi try joining this site too more likely to get responses to your posts

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I'm so sorry you're going through this...First of all, I think you should find a professional to help you. In the UK there is a vast network of professionals in all bigger cities, so you should be able to find somebody quite easily. You can even do online sessions so you don't have to see anybody in person if that makes you feel uncomfortable.

I know it takes some courage to take that step, but you can do it! We might not know each other, but I and so many others are rooting for you to get better! And you might feel awkward at times around your family, but that doesn't mean they don't love you. You are loved and you are valued and you deserve a full, happy and healthy life. But sadly you'll have to do some work to get there.

Believe in yourself & trust that things can improve. because they can and you have so much living waiting for you!