finally honest!

hi all I admitted to myself and two of my four children( they arecall grown up) that I am indeed a high functioning alcoholic.its been difficult but here goes!anyone else experiencing similarare or any positive advice!Xx

[Mazakazy]

Hi will I call you P . Mirror image of myself in some respects. I think there are a lot of us out there. The biggest hurdle is feeling ashamed and guilty I think . I have had an honest open chat with my kids as to what I was like . In the main it was my slightly unpredictable mood swings and a lot of times they would just take themselves out of the situation. I was given the name Prosecco Pam when I was like that but generally was only reminded about her the next day 😌I had a wake up call when one of my children was having difficulty with a relationship and told me he was seeking outside professional help. I just felt so upset that he couldn’t properly come to me to talk because I was really not present a lot . I decided then and there to stop drinking and see what happened.It was really very hard we all go up and down bumps hills and mountains in our lives and when I fell I always just sort of blotted it out with a drink. It was a wonderful comfort blanket a lovely place to be , safe and internal and unreal in its ability to make everything so much better. An amazing escape . But the blanket started to wear a bit thin and become full of holes and cold.So I just took a bit more then a bit more to keep it mended. I read a very poignant quote which resonated with me. The woman takes a drink, The drink takes another . The drink takes the woman.

It’s such an insidious thing and so so hard to let go of the easiest thing is not to.

So firstly after my awful guilt and ashamed feelings were shared with my kids I actually said I am not going to be or feel guilty or ashamed any more otherwise I would just feel hopeless and go and just have a glass to make me feel better. So I decided to stop what really helped was reading a lot about the effects of alcohol on our bodies but how are bodies are pretty good at healing mostly if we give it a hand and stop taking it for granted. I have a lot of “expert” knowledge due to my previous career though as many workers in this field would agree sometimes that just makes the guilt worse as we are all just human in the end.

So I am just starting my journey taking it a day at a time . There is a lot of help out there but at the moment I am using the help of a few different drink tracker apps. I was totally honest with my drinking habits when filling in the various checks to see if my drinking was out of control and no surprises it was.

I did feel really not very well day 2 and day 4 and 5. Dehydration is the main culprit also your body is a bit shocked both physically and mentally that it’s not getting it’s fix😏

There is lots of info about withdrawing from alcohol the biggest message is really depending on your daily intake will depend on your withdrawal symptoms they can be severe so it is always best to have a low threshold for seeking help if you start to feel ill.I am only on day 11 it’s been hard but I am pretty determined to unfriend alcohol. I am not saying to myself I will never drink again but I want to be in a place where I can take it or leave it. It’s going to be a bit of a journey but my kids have been great. I’ve had a few social gatherings which could have been difficult but I opted to drive to help, can recommend 0.0%Peroni if you like beer. 😊Nozecco if you like wine😊I just told everyone I was driving but most of all I’ve asked my husband and kids to help me along the way.Another major factor also has been menopause symptoms and now I am on HRT what an amazing difference that has made. I am sure now that hormones are more stable that has helped me to get things in a place of better control.

Dear P I wish you all the best ,start the journey don’t feel ashamed or guilty. We are more resilient than we give ourselves credit for I think

Get your kids on board they are the only ones that really see you. Wish me luck too you are not alone . Xx

[Ailis in reply to Mazakazy]

The menapause has a lot to answer for . I drink to help me to sleep the experts will say its contradictory to how it affects me or others like myself,. I can't have hrt the menapause has affected me really badly with horrible mood swings and depression. I find. I can't control my outbursts of frustration.