I'm 33, married and ready to have a baby but I have vaginismus.

[Sapphire_87]

Hi there, I hope this message finds you all well. I'm brand new to this forum. I'm 33, married and ready to have a baby but I have vaginismus. I was undergoing women's physiotherapy and have had psychosexual counselling, but due to Covid19 my treatment has been stopped- Huge shame. I'm so afraid of having a baby due to the pre natal invasive exams, insemination/conception, child birth itself and everything in between and beyond. Feel like I have a phobia of child birth due to the vaginismus and feel completely alone in this, though I know I'm not. I have a loving and supportive husband but it isn't enough. Anyone suffering with vaginismus who has gone onto having babies? Keen to understand what you did and how it worked for you. Thank you, Sapphire.

[thisgirlwillrun]

Hi Sapphire , I have not experienced vaginismus however have worked with women whom have had it when I used to work for a Dermatology dr. I used to see her consult them during their journeys often with the use of dilators so in the end sex (and conception) was possible.

I feel for you. I now work in Maternity (I'm a support worker and work alongside midwives and support women during, before and after child birth)

One thing to know is you have control -you have the say over internal examinations.

I was abused in my teens and so had some experience of the feeling of not wanting to be touched so can empathise a little. Your body is your body, be reassured that you will be taken very good care of .

Feel free to message, Is there an option of trying dilators at home ? The smallest size and go slow?

Sending love and best wishes

Natalie

[Sapphire_87 in reply to thisgirlwillrun]

Hi Natalie, thanks so much for your message! I really appreciate it- I’m sorry you experienced abuse in your teens. Mine was early childhood.

I use dilators at home and this has been really really helpful but the problem is still there. I guess I just need to keep practicing- it’s exhausting.

I’d like to think I have control but I keep on thinking what if something went wrong, like the babies position and there was no time to decline an internal examination or wasn’t heard because it was in the babies best interest- I couldn’t then say no. I’d have to just get on with it and I fear my vaginismus and trauma will be so much worse after labour. I would like to avoid a vaginal delivery I think...

Thanks again for messaging.

X