I have a feeling this post is going to be a very long one so I apologise now but it's a beautiful sunny day finally and I'm sitting in my room trying not to cry. I honestly don't know what to do anymore.
I left a job I loved but was ridiculously unhealthy; long shifts, little sleep, bad eating habits, and moved back in with the parents so I could get healthy. This was 6 months ago and guess what, I've put on weight!! A lot of weight. I've struggled with my weight ever since I came home at the age of 8 and told my mum I didn't want to be fat anymore. I've tried every single diet out there like most people but they all fail. I've even tried hypnotherapy. But this constant cycle of failing has done it's damage so well that I now am spiralling out of control and not only is it effecting my belief in that I will ever loose weight but I've started to notice that most of my life has been effected by this failing cycle with out me even noticing!!
I'm 24 years old and my Knee wakes my mum up when I walk up the stairs at night.
I don't believe guys when they tell me I'm pretty and run away when they flirt, thinking whats the point you can't be attracted to me. You don't know how many rolls of fat are under these clothes.
I've never been bullied for my weight or taunted but some times I wish I had been, though maybe not as even though I'm a very strong character (yes contradiction) a few comments have been said at my new job and it truly hurt. But I don't know if it was because I've never been taunted or just the audacity of an adult saying it.
I'm tired of failing, I feel like a failure. At everything. I'm 24 and achieved nothing!
Why don't I want to loose weight? Why don't I want to be fit, healthy and attractive. Why do I want to fail all the time, why do I allow myself to fail?? It makes no sense. I sit and convince myself that its ok to eat that chocolate bar and sit on the couch rather than take the dog out for a walk. Why would a person inflict this on themselves??
Why is it ok to convince yourself that its ok to ignore something as important as your health, your quality of life??
Yet I do, 16 years now of ignoring.. And I've wound up sitting in my bedroom on a cold sunny winters day (my favourite weather) crying..
I think I've run out of words now, thank you for reading if you made it this far.
Bec
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BecBubble
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I hear two issues in what you're saying and they're really separate ones, but you may well be joining these together and cementing them into one.
First, the weight thing. Well, dealing with that is pretty straight forward. It's not fast, but it is effective. Read up on the NHSChoices live well lose weight pages about diets, nutrition, exercise and all sorts of things including an excellent BMI calculator (a good starting point) and a free 12 week plan.
It's a weight loss plan. Note that I didn't say diet. It's a plan which you can adapt to some degree to change your eating habits and exercise / activity habits so that you persuade your body to burn fat and so that you can replace your "bad" habits (which have got you overweight) with "good" ones that will help you lose weight and keep it off.
Also read up on these blogs. Most of the posts are from people - me included - who are actually currently riding the weight loss bus.
It's really all about you choosing to break the habits / cycles and making a commitment to you, your body and your health and welfare.
And there's another issue there too, isn't there? One about your sense of self-esteem and self-confidence and whilst how you feel about your weight may impinge upon that a bit, they're really two different matters.
My guess, is that to some extent, taking control of your weight and your eating and your exercise / activity will help with your self-confidence. However, I rather feel that there may be other things you could be doing that might more directly address that.
So, find out your BMI and how overweight you are and make some decision about how much you want to lose and draw yourself up a plan.
We don't do miracle "you can lose 5 stone in 0.569 nanoseconds" sort of stuff around here, a) because it's nonsense and b) because fast weight loss has risks associated with it and usually results in people putting the weight back on in the longer term.
We are about people changing their lifestyles and you'll get plenty of support from your fellow travellers on the weight loss bus if you decide to ride along with us.
Hi Bec, you have come to the right place. Time to forget the past and start tomorrow as the start of a new you. Like Doikosp said the website and plan is a good place to start. When I started to exercise last year it was a struggle, some days I just didn't want to go out. I had to force myself, but once I got started it was ok and at the end it felt good.Lots of people feel like this at the start. It gets better honest!.Welcome aboard! :).
Thank you for reading and replying to my post. I feel a little embarrassed now that I went on that tangent but I have to accept that I need help and stop brushing off my moments of of despair.. I don't think I've ever felt that low in my life than when I wrote that post.
Diokosp: Your advice was very soothing (if thats the right way to describe it) thank you, I will definitely look at those pages and plan. Unfortunately I am a lady in the know though. I know I am medically classed as obese, I know my BMI and I know my weight/measurements. I know what I am supposed to eat and what not to eat, how to eat and when not to eat. I've seen dieticians, read inspirational stories + "how too" articles, had personal trainers dictate my daily food and flog me with exercise, had a hypnotherapist shout at my like my grandmother telling me 'you do not care about yourself'.. I am a lady with too much knowledge, and one of my closest "I got fit" friends be appalled at the fact I knew all this stuff yet have done nothing about it. When he knew nothing and has succeeded..
Do not mistake my flippant remarks though, I will follow what you said and take a look at the things you have suggested. As for my self confidence and self-esteem, you are right there probably are things that I could be doing which would be more beneficial, I just need to work up the nerve to go for it and seek more professional help..
newpie: I understand what you mean about exercise, even though I do love exercise its always such a nightmare to actually start.. My dog's name is Bodie
Ah now see same kinda problem ive not only spent most of my life trying new diets with variable success and been weight watcher helper, completed open uni nutrition course and read every book going....oh and have sis in law that trains fitness instructors and still had people assume I don't know how to diet lol. Maybe that's almost the problem. I no what to eat, how much blah blah blah but on a down day i would hide upstairs and munch choc etc to feel better..... Only then you don't!
Guessing actually that you are pretty (hence maybe new snide remarks, as if you lost weight as well you'd outshine them) maybe you do punish yourself by eating. I think when I was younger I used my 'fat' as a way of keeping men at bay, I had trust issues from childhood. Didn't think I was pretty/slim enough to get fella that would love me, just a user! Never thinking that maybe I was also storing health probs and I could learn other ways to deal with things so maybe you and I know we can get healthier, but its much more habit changing for us and sorting out emotions from food. I keep telling myself that if I lose weight to a decent degree I can at last have that riding lesson on a horse and not a cart horse lol so maybe when you're tempted to be blue and eat for England, get online and write us a blog.....keeps your hands busy, keeps you focused, and maybe even a giggle too. Ps from fellow essay writer, now better weather on way it'll be more likely that you want to dog walk and hear the birds, who does want to walk in the dark! Good luck remember its baby steps changing habits, my first habit change, now don't laugh, is eating gum when in kitchen cooking as otherwise I fridge raid! Can't eat cheese with gum in mouth lol
I feel like you've been spying on my activities and inner thoughts, do I have a camera in my bedroom??? Thank you maybe there is hope then that eventually I will stop hiding behind my wobble, pay attention to my health and go live my life. Your even into horses, thats amazing!!! I haven't dared to get on a horse in 5 years because I would feel too guilty, yet riding horses is my stress relief! But because of my wobble I wont go near them, so my wobble is taking away my stress relief, oh the way our brain works *sigh*
I like the chewing gum idea, I've never thought of that. Cant eat chocolate if got chewing gum in either
WeightWatchers didn't work for me, I found I became neurotic about counting points, it was all I would think about. And then I found myself hatching plans on how to get around the points etc etc it was awful so I stopped.
I'm glad it worked for you, you must be proud. I couldn't imagine loosing all that weight and thats the kind of weight I need to loose.
Slimming world worked for me for a little while, mainly because the lady sat me down and said 'you can eat as much as you like' instantly all my anxiety that I didn't realise I had went away. Obviously there are conditions to the 'as much as you like' but it was the fact this lady was giving me permission to eat, saying it was ok to eat. Just eat this stuff, but you can still have that cheeky treat. I don't really know why I stopped going, I just kind of did.
Thank you for taking the time to reply to me, I greatly appreciate it
Just a thought - any stables near you? If they need help its great exercise - the yard tasks like grooming, filling haynets, watering, mucking out - all burn extra calories - and if you get to lead horses with beginners on, that's a real work-out! Riding for the Disabled also welcome helpers with open arms - and you'll be burning lots of calories, while doing something that gets you out and about and meet new people.
Hi be bubble. Your talking to the one person who can truly understand what you're feeling. I've been there. The pain,the crying, the emotional eating to cover the scars underneath. I had weight issues since a child including eating disorders which I came to terms finally with in my mid 30's. But I was bullied and beaten up regally at school. I still have issues but not to the extent I had back then. A lot of men tell me I'm extremely beautiful but I don't believe them either. I run away, try and hide and end up feeling depressed even now. I was in an extremely abusive relationship until September last year. Finally I had enough walked away and took a good look inside myself. I gained 5 stone in the relationship I had for nearly two years trying to find comfort in food. It's weird that when I left him September last year I weighed over 15 stone and now I'm 11 stone 6 ibs. Hoping to get to 10 stone 7ibs and starting to realise the truth. It's takes a lot to realise you need help. Bec you made a brilliant step by realising you have a problem as did I. That's the first and most important step. I'm still working on the prettiness issue and still run away but I think a lot of this is because the way I was treated by my ex and in my youth the bullying. Keep positive Bec I'm sure that you can do it just sort out the issues first. Beauty is skin deep true Beaty comes from within. Good luck Bec. Elizabeth 😊
OMG ... I don't know what to say! This has been my life ... and the eerie part is my family and friends call me, "Bec." So when I got to the end of your post, I almost got sick! The only difference is that I have been bullied, been made fun of, laughed at, teased, every mean thing you can image! I just do not know what to do! I used to care, but I just cannot find it in me anymore! Through the loss of my Mother, a bad choice in husbands, a horrific accident where I spent almost seven (7) months in a wheelchair, and now my son falling very ill and having to move back in with me, I just do not care about me! And I'm not sure I ever did care about me! I don't know how! My dad used to make fun of me and abuse me, and my Mother ... well ...
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