A catch up and regroup.

[purple_ums_2]

Hello lovely people,

I was just recounting and filling in the time I've been away from this site - the absence due to my grandmothers passing - and it was becoming a bit of a novel, recounting the day to day details of the hospital etc so have decided to not post it as it may be triggering for others and I was only on the first day and it was already 2 pages long so and I know this post will all ready be ramblee enough.

So in an attempt to summarize - I had started a job at the Amazon warehouse sorting on Oct 08th - Looking back at my journal the last recorded weigh in I had was on the Thursday 06th at 87.1kg. I had just finished my first week when I had to take my gran into hospital on the 17th October - following non compliance with her antibiotics prescription - for a possible UTI and we were concerned as she was not eating or drinking anything. We spent 3 weeks in hospital and a rollercoaster of emotions to say the least until she passed away on the 6th November. During which time we had been eating out as we stayed by her bedside everyday. I weighed in on the 7th November at 87.2kg. With all the funeral arrangements I had to start doing I weighed in on 10th November at 85.8kg (though that might have been anomaly.

In our Hindu traditions we aren't allowed to cook on the stove until after the funeral so we were at the mercy of visitors and the food they provided and oven ready meals etc. The next time I weighed in was on the 16th - 87.1kg again. Some miracle I was maintaining. I essentially had to do all the funeral arrangements myself as my mother is an only child and had to deal with all the visitors and family and my father had to continue working - for the best as he does not know how to regulate his emotions and is better when he is busy. So the burden of all the arrangements and talking to vendors etc fell on me. My mother also wanted to do the flower arrangements ourselves - as we had done for other friends and family but that translated as me doing them all - so that was a big project a couple all nighters for that. I wanted to do something more for my gran so I designed a few more pieces to go along side the coffin took me quite a bit of time to make them but they were lovely.

I also returned to work for on the Tuesday 22nd and Wednesday 23rd as I had a precooked holiday from the 26th November - December 11th and didn't want them thinking I had left. On the Wednesday we had to do the "8th" day ritual - which is when you make all their favorite foods - so after work I had to grab all her favorite foods and cook some of them. The immediate family came over and we performed that ritual. I don't work Thursday or Friday, and we wanted to spread the ashes before my brother and I left on holiday so on the Thursday 24th I weighed in again at 87.1kg (8am) and then we drove down to Brighton to do that.

Then the Friday was a crazy scramble to shop and pack for the holiday - we were doing self catered so also had to meal plan as best I could. We flew out on the Saturday leaving the house at 3:45am - I tool my scales with me. Weighed in at 86.6kg on 28th November. I was cooking for the first week and a bit as the food where we were staying was ridiculously expensive for what it was. But the end of the second week we had to eat out more. Weighed in on the 6th December at 88kg - was the last time I have weighed in. The holiday was okay hard to fully enjoy and engage in and was just finding myself irritable and annoyed at everything and everyone which in the wake of everything is understandable

We returned on the 11th December leaving sunny Caribbean island for snow - bit of a shock to the system. We managed to land on time 11am but then had to wait 1hr 45mins on the tarmac as there were no gates available to dock at as many flights were grounded due to the snow so the gates were occupied. Finally got home around 3pm. It was my parents wedding anniversary so I had booked my mums fav local Indian restaurant so had to go out for dinner in the snow that night at around 6:30pm ended up getting there around 7pm - with the snow then got home and straight to bed as on the Monday 12th I was back to work for 5am shift.

We had one more event at the temple for my gran - which I had to make a memorial book for my which included speeches and tributes and I wanted to make a timeline of her life and the family tree etc, so had to collate everyones tributes and put that all together during this week. My gran hadn't made any requests of arrangements for her funeral other than telling us she wanted a nice book so I had to do a good job of it then couple being an artist and a perfectionist you can only imagine what I was like.

My printer man wanted it by Thursday lunch at the latest but despite doing multiple all nighters I could only get it to him Friday morning as I was doing it single handedly and my mother was procrastinating writing her tribute. So on the Thursday night was up all night with her ghost writing her tribute. I didn't have a chance to proof read it so there were a few errors across the book which really pissed me off haha. So after picking them up on Saturday morning had to go through all 45 copies and hand tipex correct them all. My grandfather loved photography so was really good with a camera when they were younger. So I went through his 35mm slides and got some digitalized which was nice to see - hadn't seen any of these photos before. But the book came out really nicely and got many compliments and I'm sure as usual I have started new trends through the community - an uncle really liked the timeline. But to my artist eye there are some formatting issues I would like to fix before i have to get the second run of prints to send abroad done. Then the actual event was on 18th December followed by the world cup final.

Then this last week has been full on at work and obviously Christmas so I have been doing the food shopping and cooking and Christmas. Yesterday I made a Christmas roast decided to do a rack of lamb and a chicken rather than a turkey with all the trimmings and we watched Top Gun:Maverick with my mum which she enjoyed. My brother and I had already seen it in the cinema but it was good. And well today is today.

Wow take a deep breath haha.

Suffice to say I feel like I have been on a treadmill since the 8th October till today and its all a big blur but also I can remember ever minutia which is a bizarre state to be in. This is genuinely the first day I have been able to even stop and process and compile my thoughts - which being the over thinker I am has been a lot to carry. I know many others on here have suffered losses as well this year during this time and I'm sorry I haven't been around to offer support to them as well. I'm just a message away if anyone needs.

I'm just waiting till 8:30am to bite the bullet and weigh in and take my measurements and from today try to get back onto my IF routine that I was on before everything got a little understandably derailed and I have booked myself a massage on the 29th to just put a full stop on all this and this year and hopefully feel slightly refreshed for the new year.

For anyone still reading haha I had been officially diagnosed with PCOS in 2018 and haven't had my period regularly for my whole life tbh - looking back due to a tremendous amount of chronic stress my body has undergone along with hormonal imbalances etc etc long long story - so on top of all the chaos- because why not - i've been getting my period more regularly since September so feel like I'm battling readjusting to that as well. Fun times. This all compounded by my own struggles with my mental health alongside a bat crap crazy dysfunctional family - whom I carry. Sometimes I do wonder whether I am being tested to see at what limit it would take to just crack and break... I feel most people would have broken a very long time ago if under the same level of duress I deal with. What most people got a snippet of during the pandemic and its lingering effects today I have been dealing on some level or another to an extreme my entire life. Only really seeing know how I have been in a state of chronic stress for as long as I can remember its kinda crazy to think about actually or what my life could have been life if there was a level of normalcy to it or maybe best not to tbh...

Anyway drum roll please so I started this year at 108.2kg and today I weigh in at 88.3kg (8:30am) all I was praying for is to still be under 90kg and hopefully by the end of this week if I can get back down a little under 88kg which would make me happier and mean I had really only gained around 1kg during this whole 1//4 of a year with everything going on - which as I write that and thinking how I've eaten is crazy and no small miracle.

I find it SOOOOOOOO hard to be proud or be happy with anything I achieve and am never really satisfied. I just really wanted to be out of the obesity category this year (84.6kg) and I would have been if this all hadn't happened so I can't help but feeling disappointed in myself for not reaching that - even though I can mentally fully understand that with everything I had going on it would have been too much for me. And I know it will come soon enough but I am happy its not over 90kg - i do feel bloated though so i'm not sure what that is about... i guess its the carbs I've been having. From today I am going to try my hardest to get back on track with my IF, no sugar and low carb again and see if I can shift that little bit ready for the new year.

2023 I WILL reach my maintenance weight I swear.

So this week I really need to get the whole house deep deep deep cleaned as its a bit of a state with everything and hopefully regain some structure now that life isn't orientated around my grandmother, the kitchen needs a huge rearrangements as we had to hide a lot of things she would slope of with - and we have the big task of sorting through her room and stuff - which might not get done before the new year - there will be a lot of adjustment to be made, and no one can use her as an excuse anymore - though my mothers health has taken a huge hit these last 5 years so next on the list is sorting her out.... oy vey. I also want to go through my entire wardrobe and donate the clothes I no longer want for the new year. Back to work Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday so have lots to still get done before the bell hits 12am haha

Anyway thank you for letting me ramble, if anyone made it to the end of this post you deserve a pat on the back and a big hug from me hahah thank you very much its really helped clear my head and ground me a little to get this all out.

Looking forward to being around more again and getting us all to our goals this coming year. Slowly feel like I can see a wee bit of light at the end of this tunnel.

xxx

[Lytham 3 stone]

Good to see you back hun, I'm sorry to hear your news but massive well done for keeping an eye on your weight through all that!

You can always join our Aim To Maintain challenge to ensure you hang on to that 88.3kg (or less) for your New Year weigh in, good luck! X

[N-o-r-d-i Maintainer 64kg]

that was some seriously challenging time for you... It seems that you coped extremely well and even managed to remain under 90 kg! I'm very impressed. This is something to be very proud of, even though you find it difficult to appreciate what is achieved. Having to deal with everything that you had going on - that's a lot. I'm pretty sure my weight would have gone significantly up under similar circumstances, but yours didn't and you are very close to leaving the obesity range. Thanks for sharing and well done.

[purple_ums_2 19kg in reply to N-o-r-d-i]

thanks hun! I’ve been so conditioned to not realise it’s a lot and it’s been normalised but yes! Slowly learning that I’m doing okay! Thanks for your support x

[Progressoverperfect 7lbs]

Well, I managed to read all the way to end and all I can say is wow!! You have had a lot of intense stuff to deal with and have come through the others side, be proud of yourself ( I know you said you find it difficult ) we are often so very guilty of not giving ourselves enough credit❤️ you've had a really tough time and we are here supporting you in any way we can. Thank you for posting and I hope it was cathartic for you x x

[purple_ums_2 19kg in reply to Progressoverperfect]

hey siggie! Hope you had a lovely Christmas and thank you. Yes I’m trying to be as proud as I can be for getting through it all - writing it up has been very cathartic thanks for taking the time to read it 🤗 x

[PediPaws 2lbs]

Wow you have been through it - yes I read it all

Well done on maintaining through all that you have done fantastic and you will get there in 2023 - I am spurring you on and looking forward to seeing you get to your goal x x x

[purple_ums_2 19kg in reply to PediPaws]

thanks hun I feel we’re starting at a similar weight so hope to see you at the finish line too next year x

[PediPaws 2lbs in reply to purple_ums_2]

We can do this PMA (Positive Mental Attitude) x x

[springersrule Moderator Host 76kg]

Aww hun, sometimes its such a help to get it all out and you've chosen the perfect place, i hope it has been of benefit to you. You have been through so much without much help and that is a huge burden for one person. Like you i find it hard to congratulate and be proud of myself (am getting better at it) but just go back and read your post as if it was someone else who had posted and reply to yourself (in your head) Then you will see just what you have achieved.

Best of luck getting back on track now, i know you can do it, we want to see those ticks back on the DD xx

[BridgeGirl Administrator 2 stone]

It sounds as though you paid a wonderful tribute to your grandmother, and did so much to support all your family at the same time. I hope you realise that. Rituals, when they relate to the person and the family, are very valuable and you made everything work as it should.

Meantime, you've also maintained a steady weight and can go into the new year in a positive frame of mind. Remind yourself of your reasons for losing weight, then review your plan and look positively to 2023.

Re PCOS, I don't know if anyone has given you this link, but better twice than not at all

youtu.be/N2KD-nTiJ14(Not working as expected?)

[Bee-bop Maintainer 2st 7lbs]

Hi Purple_ums_2,

What a stressful time you have been riding through and, like you say, you have now been able to take a breath. I can only imagine how this has felt and it does seem like you have done a lot of it alone. I would take the small weight increase as a win myself when you have had so much lack of control with the food choices you have had surrounding your grandmother's passing and the traditions and rituals that are expected to be upheld as a mark of respect.

My middle daughter also has PCOS and has read somewhere that it can be harder to loose weight with the condition so try not to beat yourself up that you are not where you wanted to be at this time of year. She is currently loosing 1kg every 2 weeks which is slow and steady but, she's lost 11kg already so, it inspires her on and you have lost just shy of 20kg this year so-go you!

It is hard when you are the one who shoulders the family and i can empathise with that feeling as I am a single parent with 4 children and had to try and be there for my mum although I lived miles away, it is not easy as family can take much of our time and energy and we don't see what affect it has until we can get to pause for a little while. The massage sounds a very good idea to unwind and destress a little.

Best wishes for your re boot in 2023

[Wine Host 7st 7lbs]

Ditto to what has already been said... What a roller coaster year for you so sorry for your loss but what you have achieved is amazing...Hope 2023 is a better year for you where you can reboot refresh and restart... You have maintained throughout 2022 which you should be so proud of too

Take care of yourself ❤️.. Everything you are wishing for i wish for you... ✨

[Gizmocat Moderator 13kg Maintainer]

Well done on maintaining your weight in spite of all that going on. Most of us would have thrown caution to the wind but you have obviously managed to eat sensibly even while not focussing on weight loss. That's a great achievement . I'm glad you are now managing to take stock and can use the New Year to make a fresh start.

I hope we will see you back on the weigh in chatting and supporting and we will be there to support you.

I hope you have a great New Year.