Struggling with fear of the Future.

[Fennahj7115]

Where do I start. I have always been a very strong positive person ,which has really helped me with many problems I have had to manage.

Now it has been confirmed I have breast cancer and I am discussing the options open to me to remove it.

I could have an operation under a local anaesthetic or I am going to have an assessment by an anaesthetist to see if I could have a general anaesthetic, the biggest problem is the

Bronchiectasis I have, which I am on oxygen for, but as many of you understand the pain associated with vasculitis which prevents me being able to hold my arms above my head. So far I have had excellent treatment it's all been very speedy. I have a date for an operation 28th September. My h.b also is very low.

So between now and then I have several more tests also decisions to be made.

If I am honest I am very frightened it's not the cancer but the vasculitis. I have c s s plus pan. I know I will be rid of the cancer but I wish the surgeon could also cut that away.

My husband has had his knee replaced and progressing very well . We have had lots of help from friends ( has anyone any idea how I can thank all these friends) which I have been totally overwhelmed by.

My biggest fear is I seem to be getting more incapacitated and my husband is now so much better and I feel I am holding him back although he has not indicated that.

I am trying to take one day at a time as I have tried to encourage others to do sometimes I am successful but others I am one big failure.

There is so much more but I do not want to go on or wallow in self pity. I think I am going to be able to get myself cracking again soon !!

[Hidden]

Hello Fennah,

I'm sorry to hear of your recent diagnosis of Breast Cancer. I was diagnosed with this in November 2012. I have RA, Sjogren's and Bronchiectasis. didn't have Vasculitis at the time, that happened later!! I had a mastectomy with 3 lymph nodes removed, followed by chemo, but refused radiotherapy due to the Bronch. I now take Anastrazole daily as my cancer was hormone positive, this will hopefully reduce the risk of my cancer coming back.

My surgery was performed under a general anaesthetic, after I had been assessed. While I was still under the anaesthetic, they performed a bronchoscopy. I didn't know this until the day after surgery.

I understand your feelings of anxiety because of your vasculitis. I was the same with the Bronch., cancer didn't scare me at all. I have Rheumatoid Vasculitis, which is pretty horrid, but the bronch is still my biggest problem.

I do hope your surgery and whatever other treatments you need are successful, and that you recover quickly without too much trouble with your vasculitis and bronch.

You might find it worthwhile visiting the Breast Cancer Care website and forums. I had a lot of support and help from there.

breastcancercare.org.uk/?gc...

[babssara]

Hi Fannah, I was so moved by your current problems I just wanted to be there to give you lots of gentle hugs. I am sure you are getting these from your hubby (hope he continues to enjoy his new knee, I know my brother who has had both knees done, cannot believe the change in activities). As you've said yourself, you will overcome these horrible times and I truly wish you well for your up and coming op. I'ts ok to be scared of the unknown. Babs x

[Fennahj7115 in reply to babssara]

Thank you Babs for your encouragement.

15yrs ago he had both knees replaced, but18mths ago he had a very small topple and broke the little bit of plastic that sits between the two parts of the knee joint so he had to have another replacement knee.

I must say age does make a difference but glad to say he is progressing which is all we can wish for.

Thank you for the gentle hugs I need them and you are spot on with the gentle bit because my pain is not being very friendly. Also for taking the time to reply and send them. fen nah.

[flame1969]

My heart goes out to you it really does. Firstly do not feel bad for feeling low, you are a human being and it is normal and understandable to be overwhelmed sometimes. Secondly just saying thankyou to your friends is enough. If you want to do more then maybe a thankyou card to each one with a personal message, that's if you feel up to it. Sorry I can't advise not about the treatment but once you have all the options in front of you and weigh up all the pros and cons you will be more informed and feel comfortable with the treatment path ahead. Lastly though we all sometimes feel like a burden to our loved ones, we feel we're holding them back and the guilt is sometimes worse than the disease. I am sure everything will be fine for you. You obviously value and appreciate the good things in your life as was clear when you mentioned the support around you. I wish you well and will keep you in my thoughts xxx

[Fennahj7115 in reply to flame1969]

Thank you for your kind words and support it really does make a difference.

[Hidden]

Hi This is probably one of the biggest nightmares for those who are on immunosuppression. What treatments are you currently on for V and for how long (e.g. years) if you don't mind me asking this? If V wouldn't kill me, I often think my treatments would be (secondary C) - I'm so sorry, thank you for sharing. Take care x

[Fennahj7115 in reply to Hidden]

Hi no I do not mind sharing with you the treatment I am on.

I have been through many different drugs, unfortunately I have not tolerated most of them. At present I am on Steriods,plus antibiotics, for the vasculitis also medication for my diabetes, stomach,. If I itemised them all you would become very bored. I have had vasculitis for 14yrs now and during that time I think I have been a tremendous challenge to my Rehumatologis. I must say I have only experienced excellent treatment and he has never given up on me.( and still trying).

Sometimes I feel guilty to post the excellent treatment I have received because my heart goes out to so many people who have had negative experiences, although I have had and still have to climb another hill I have very good medical backup, this is from the diabetic nurse specialist ,breast care team also the Rehumatologist team.

Thank you for caring.

[AndrewT]

Dear Fennah,

Sorry to hear about your cancer- it's the last thing that you need, right now! But I'm not going to dwell, on that-you have it all 'in hand' (you DO you know).

Instead I'll answer the question 'How do I thank Everyone?' Can I make a good suggestion please? I have no hesitation in recommending 'Jacqui Lawson' Cards. Jacqui, who founded the Company-in the USA- is in fact an English girl-though I don't know from where. The 'on Line' cards are lovely and cover, just about' every subject-they are 'Delivered', to the persons "In Box", usually the same day. I have always had extremely 'happy' recipients, from the cards that I have sent.

Please do check this out-the cost, you ask? I just renewed my Membership-in June anyway-for Seven Pounds & Twenty Five Pence. Now remind me again how much you spent on postage, last month?

I do hope this ahs brought a smile, to your face, Fennah-if it hasn't the cards will. You can obviously view as many as you want yourself, whilst making your Selection(s). Again, before you ask, yes you can send the same card to all. You simply set-up a list, of 'Recipients Name & Email Addresses' the select whichever Name(s) you require- easy.

I leave you with my, indeed all our, love and, very best, wishes-we all hope 'things' go well, for you Fennah.

AndrewT

[Fennahj7115 in reply to AndrewT]

Thank you Andrew for reminding me of the Jacqui Lawson cards I had completely forgotten about them I do use that for many other cards and yes I agree with you they are great.

Thank you for your support

Fennah

[orsen-trapp in reply to Fennahj7115]

We thoroughly enjoyed the JL advent calendar we were sent last year. Thought it a bit of a waste of time to start with but once we got into the daily surprises and activities found it charming

[Rachelle_Labelle]

I survived two battles with breast cancer. At first, I panicked and thought my life was over. Then, after turning to a specific pastor, my outlook was much brighter. The first battle was still a scary journey, but I pulled through and discovered that cancer is no longer a killer. It can be beaten.

Ten years later, following unfortunate circumstances, I fought a second tumor. This time we beat it completely and I was cured.

I viewed it as a chronic set-back. It can be beaten.

As a microscopic polyangiitis (MPA- a type of vasculitis) survivor, I know that what appears to be relapses are often simply damage to the nerves that intensifies when the going gets tough. Vasculitis can be subdued by a will to live and positive attitute.

Hang in there.

Rachelle