I've been feeling more and more suicidal in the past months. Trying so hard to stay fit and healthy, battling and losing to sugar cravings. Barely staying on top of weight gain and knowing that I will lose in the end anyway. I feel so wretched aching and tired all of the time it's horrendous! Even now my fingers feel awful touching this screen. GPs don't seem to care, they referred me to mental health care but they don't understand and are attempting to change my "core beliefs", what a joke.
I'm on levo 150 mcg daily. Even if I could afford to buy ndt or liothyronine Id have to self medicate and pay for all the tests.
I hate the way I feel, I have so little energy. I don't sleep well and see nothing but illness abd destitution in the future.
If there was a pill to take to end my life, I'd happily take it. I wish I had the courage to kill myself!
There is no knight in shining armour that is going to rescue me.
Written by
bardak
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
Stop now! stop with the self loathing and wanting to end your life!!!
Do u know how many times me and other people feel like u on a daily basis but still fight to see another day!!, feeling like u cant carry on and your gonna go crazy any minute and need to go in a mental institution and leave your kids this has been me many times..
U get one life and u have to push and push to get where u need to be to live it happier no one will help u do that only u!!! Because like the singer Prince once said "In this life your on your own"...
U have to keep saying to yourself u will get better life will not be like this forever, life changes all the time from day to day month to month things can change in a heartbeat..
Trust me I have been to hell and back several times... but have also had the most fantastic days ...
I'm currently on a trial of T3 with my levothyroxine from my NHS endo that i fought for 3 years to get!! ..
I'm on a multitude of vitamins that u probably know we need when hypo like B12, Iron vitamin D and so on, these all need to be optimal for our meds to work and feel better...
It sounds to me like u need a bit of T3, which u can buy very cheap just put a post on here asking... some people don't even have blood tests, they just go on how they feel, they just start with a tiny amount then build up very slowly until symptoms subside...
But lacking in b12 and iron and also vitamin D can make u feel like shit too..
Please remember this is not forever this is just the here and now things always get better!!
Please be kind to others who are struggling. This site is for us to support each other. It’s not for attacking those who feel they have no control over their health.
Telling someone who is (understandably) depressed to buck up and don't give up can sometimes be helpful. Especially from someone who has been through a similar experience. But it can also make things worse. Either way, I agree that ThyroidObsessed was very likely trying to be helpful, genileris .
@bardak, if it doesn't help don't take it to heart, but don't give up either x
Hypothyroidism often causes depression. I wasn't depressed but at my worst (before beginning treatment) would sit for hours most days, unable to do anything or even think anything in particular - there just wasn't enough energy to function. Just making a cup of tea took ages because of being unable to concentrate enough to remember what to do or make my body do it. It was a horrible feeling and incredibly boring. The thought of being like that perhaps for years and years was terrifying.
Even now I get bouts of that feeling (thankfully not nearly as bad or lasting as long), as I'm sure most of us do.
But, however we feel we have to believe there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Hi Bardak, I joined this site Jan. 2018. I was feeling in many ways like you: achy, tired, hands hurt, little energy, insomnia, etc. I read stories here about members who were bed ridden but had the will, learning from this site to tweak their medications until they eventually improved their health.
Two years ago it looks like you were itchy & scratchy has that improved? I saw a therapist at my lowest point & he told me that people can feel their greatest sense of frustration when things begin to improve for them. Were you looking toward the future then or are you able to set your sights further ahead now?
As for my health I obtained a second opinion. It did not differ from the first one. This is one way (in the States) to receive additional lab checks & healthcare input. I have been slowly tweaking my thyroid medication. My energy level has gradually improved, aching has lessened, I started taking melatonin to sleep. I am still struggling with food, trying to put weight on though. I too feel my local doctors don’t understand, that is why I sought the second opinion.
I just wanted you to know that you are a very valued member of our forum. And I have the utmost confidence in your ability to take this one day at a time & pull yourself through harder times.This site will lead the way, please refresh your will to muddle on. Keep calm & carry on.
Can you post your most recent labs with ranges here?
If you're not optimal and vitamins, iron are low then you're going to feel shit.
Perhaps some one here can recommend a course of action based on your labs and others can help source the right meds. I've seriously thought I was dying and didn't care because it's so hard to struggle. But once your labs are optimal you won't feel like this.
Hi, I feel where you are coming from. I too am achy, and extremely tired. My weight gain I'm just accepting at the moment. Friends and family don't realise just how hard it is even to have the strength to get dressed in the morning. You are not alone.
You're not alone Levothyroxine has ruined my life as well as probably saving it! If we need it we need it but some of us suffer greatly from the adversity of taking it - for me the perpetual headaches and the confusing symptoms it causes in large doses have made me feel suicidal pointless destroyed etc etc and being told by ourself or particularly by others to 'buck-up' is insult to injury No one knows just how bad it can be or whether there is any respite and it's up to us how we choose to deal with that , with dignity and compassion whatever! That said don't give up until you have tried everything! have you tried splitting the Levothyroxine into 3 or 4 equal doses ? It's not at all physiological to dump these big single doses of Levothyroxine by mouth and absorb all that T4 across the gut ! Normal thyroid secretion of T4 is direct to blood more or less evenly over 24hrs and too much T4 is known to severly limit the rate of intracellular T4-T3 conversion which could happen for many hours after a standard single dose of Lerothyroxine. The confusion and lack of balance from this may cause some tissues to be hypothyroid even if blood/ plasma levels look ok in thyroid function tests..... I increased my free T3 just by split dosing Levothyroxine and adverse effects were noticeably less. T4 alone was making me fatter, stupider, tireder, and colder! Ask your GP for a T3 supplement trial and if they refuse make a simple complaint via the PALS network. I know that can be daunting when we are in despair and devastated by these Symptoms but at least you will force them to consider it more carefully than in a time-bound clinical setting without any oversight.
So many of us here have been at the same point you are. We have been misdiagnosed and mistreated. We have had to read book, after book, after book to try to get an accurate understanding of what is happening to us. ... Then, after we gain that understanding, we have to find a Doctor that will listen to us. ... Many Docs just think we're daft. ... We are not. ... If you can get a Doc to prescribe T3 for you, you can improve quickly. ... If you can't afford T3, Natural Desiccated Thyroid is the next best thing to try. ... If I were you, I'd communicate with Alpsholiday about how to get the NDT from Thailand that he/she mentions. This could put you in control of your own health! ... The best to you. We understand.
Hi Bardak, There IS a way to free yourself from sugar cravings, and you most certainly can do it. Take it from someone who has been there big time. Once you do that and your brain chemistry is more balanced your whole mental outlook will lift and you will start to see the way forward. Along with more than one third of the population, you have a hormonal system which just can't process modern refined foods without over-reacting and starting up an overwhelming vicious circle of cravings. Simply that. It is not personal and once you understand it you can change it. There are several options for road-tested and well-proven ways of changing your eating which can free you from this seemingly impossible trap. Google 'Bright Line Eating' or the Ultimate Weight Loss Program of Chef AJ, or the MeDougall Program for Maximum Weight-loss and see if any of them appeal to you; they all have slightly different angles on it but all of them will work. x
Hi Bardak, I’ve been reading back on your posts and it seems that at some time you were taking T3. I wonder if that helped? The test results you have posted in the past would suggest that you’re not converting T4 to T3 very well. One reply you’ve had today says that you can get T3 for pennies, so I wondered if it would be worth sending them a PM to find out where? I’ve been on T4 alone and at some point it stopped working and I felt grim. I started adding T3 and reducing T4 and that helped. I feel better though on NDT, and there is the Thailand option at a reasonable price that many people take successfully. You haven’t run out of avenues. I know it looks bleak at the moment but I really hope you get through this. LB
😔 Hold on bardak. You’re probably too deep into your own personal pain to think rationally, which I’m sure most of us have been in at some point. Take a beat and post your current situation, meds and most recent blood tests. These lovely members will try and work it out for you. Baby steps! One day at a time
I am so pleased that you are reaching out for help, we really need to support each other. Is your history on here or do you feel like posting the whole story. Just something like lack of Vit D can make you feel depressed or low B12 exhausted, low energy, etc. Sugar cravings and weight gain might be insulin resistance from PCSO or diabetes. In other words we need to look at the whole picture and any results you have. Perhaps start by writing down everything you know and ask the GP for all your results if you don't have them. Apologies if you are ahead of me. Have you had a holiday lately and have a close friend or partner that you can bounce off?
“There is no knight in shining armour that is going to rescue me.”
I agree, there isn’t and I really feel for you but I think a lot of us who use this forum have come to realise that the main person who can help us is ourselves and hopefully you will discover you are a lot stronger than you think.
An awful lot of us feel let down by doctors to one extent or another and have realised that the person who can do the most to help us is ourselves.
You have made a very good start by finding us. By doing that shows that although you feel totally rubbish at the moment there’s a part of you that does want to get better.
I agree totally with all of the advice given by annsanndell above. My first thought was could you be diabetic or at least pre-diabetic? That could explain a lot about the sugar cravings and even the funny fingers. The Michael Mosely Blood Sugar Diet and the companion Blood Sugar Cookbook would be worth looking into - says someone who is still dealing with sugar cravings.
Then there’s folates, ferritin, B12 and Vitamin D, if you are low in these you really won’t feel good and you want them well up in their ranges to help your thyroid.
It would be a big help if you could get hold of all of your test results - thyroid ones plus vitamins and minerals - along with their lab ranges and then post them on here for people to look at. That way people would have more of an idea of what could be a possible cause for you feeling ill.
Hang on in there though, the fact you are on here shows that you do want to get yourself better and you can do it so it’s time to be kind to yourself. 😘
Oh bardak, my heart goes out to you. I understand totally where you are coming from. Just five minutes ago was pulled up short on the stairs as the joint pain was so intense. And as for the weight gain, it is soul destroying to see and feel this happening. Please do take comfort that you are not alone and that there are very experienced people on this site who will help look at your stats and suggest areas to review. Be gentle to yourself - be your own best friend and remember we have your back!
Hi I am sure that many of the people on here have felt the same, so let down by the very people (Medical Profession) that they feel they cannot carry on.
But, with the help of the good people on this site you can get well again, I did, it took sometime but I am now in good shape.
Have you had your antibodies, B12, Folate, Ferritin, and Vitamin D tested, you will need to post the results on here for answers.
I personally gave up on the GP over two years ago and now just self medicate with NDT which costs around £10 per month. I have a yearly Medichecks Blood test too.
I hope that you feel we are all on your side, take care.
Sometimes making changes to improve our health & wellbeing is hard, though small changes add up. Are you taking magnesium? I discovered it stopped my sugar craving long before I became aware of hypothyroidism. I take chelated or bisglycinate on an empty stomach at bedtime, which also helps me sleep better, & feel less hungry.
I can't afford the tests & the medication, so I just did the latter, very cautiously at first but it worked for me when I couldn't convince the medics I was hypo. I've had a few self-inflicted blips & issues with supply, but haven't looked back.
We all want to help, so while you are low post your blood results and let us do a little work to see if we can nut it out and help you. I find natural thyroid hormone works for me and i take it devided up in 3 doses morning ,noon and night , I also find sipping on fresh orange juice during day and night keeps my blood sugar level and that makes me feel better .Keep in mind we all have off days .you WILL work it out , let us help you.
bardak In January this year, you posted that you were running out of T3 and asked for supplier info so presumably you were self medicating at the time.
Did you get some more T3?
Have you been taking T3 recently?
Lots of people have responded to you here. They want to help. Please post again.
I went HFLC (I was trying for keto but didn't have the energy for macro counting), and I was better the next day, and the cravings had gone by day 3. My migraines had also gone by the following day, as well as the afternoon slump in energy.
Could you also have adrenal issues?
You need to write to your GP - or get someone close to do it - and state that you are suicidal in black and white, whilst keeping a copy of the letter. Explain why, as you have done here.
It's much harder for GPs to ignore written evidence than verbal, and the implications for the surgery should the worst happen would be very costly.
Oh Bardak, you sound so alone and suffering. You are not alone I promise you. We understand your pain. Thyroid disease is shite, very shite. I do think though that counselling would be useful at least to help you let out your feelings. You are clearly depressed so are you on an antidepressant? What support do you have on a daily basis? For the muscle and joint pain try Celebrex. It’s a COx-2 inhibitor and it has changed my life beyond words. I can now exercise and my pain is almost gone - almost. Please note that T3 can lead to feelings of anxiety and depression so if you’re on T3 it might be worth stopping for a bit and taking advice from a private consultant. It’s expensive but belief it’s worth it - I went private and my life is changing for the better everyday. Keep talking on the forum and also maybe talk to a mental health charity about your feelings of suicide. You mustn’t struggle alone. You must seek help. Private message me if you want to talk. Any one of us on here will support you as best we can but you also need medical support. If your GP or consultant is not listening find another opinion. Keep your pecker up fella.
Following on from some of the comments above..............don’t give up, things will get better.
Unfortunately, with thyroid issues and vitamin/mineral deficiencies it can take a bit of time.
The vitamin D, folate and B12 levels being (VERY) optimal help a great deal for me and many others.
Have a look on SeasideSusie for advice about vitD etc, her advice was amazing for me.
I used to get weekly migraines (and more) and had no energy and felt dreadful, but I am feeling a lot better now.
Yes, I do have a little T3, but getting everything else right definitely helped me. I also take a good quality probiotic first thing, am dairy free and keep off most gluten (bread does me in) and even corn alternatives.
Just change one thing at a time, if no bad reactions, change something else.
I’ve just moved house! Even last year I couldn’t have considered it.
I had to do almost everything as my husband has health issues. I did struggle several days, but I’m back on my routines now and am still coping.
Please let us know how you are getting on.
There are some lovely and wise people on here who can help if you post up your results. Then one day soon you might be able to add a smiley face and tell us you’re a lot happier. 🤗
Hi Bardak, I am just chiming in to say, "Me too". So many of us have been to a point where we have lost hope of ever feeling well again. I passed through despair and became raging angry after I got stupid and stupider answers from my Endo. I suggested to her that we crowd source my problem (this was before I knew of this forum) and she said, " The guidelines have been researched thoroughly, and they have spoken. Your TSH is now normal, I have done my job. You must now see your GP for your other symptoms." I knew I must never get anywhere near that fool again if I was to survive. I took two days off and beat down all the doors I could get at to find a doctor who would give me NDT, in tears, driving home I pulled in at one last place with absolutely no expectations - and found a sensible doc! I had a desperate, probably insane sounding conversation and then got what I wanted, and needed.
Please do not give up. As others have said, supplement your Vits. B12, D, iron and folate and do not forget Selenium (this is a very necessary catalyst and often not quoted here - but it is very important). Hang in there, you can pull out of this.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
had enough...
How much iron is enough???
Enough is enough. 
Anyone else had problems with Medichecks?
Crumbling can't cope
