All year I had ill health with huge energy crashes and an underactive thyroid that I'm now being treated for. It's within range again now, a month ago TSH was 2.6 and FT4 18 ish.. My gp said I had chronic fatigue issues all year but probably due to the thyroid not the syndrome itself.
The energy crashes had improved massively and if they hit they were mild, but recently I've had a few and I always get very afraid. I can't help but add fear and I cry all day.
Last night I did my daughters Christmas concert. I've agoraphobia so it was a huge test and I'd been worried all day incase I couldn't do it. Not panic just anxiety churning in my stomach. I could barely eat all day , I felt far too sick. I managed a jacket potato and bean and some oats. I couldn't eat tea I picked at a few potatoes.
I went to the church and stayed the full duration. Anxiety wasn't that high, simmering away and I enjoyed it. Afterwards we popped out in the car, I didn't get out. We were in the car about an hour. I started to feel weak and sickly then. Came home forced myself to shower and went to bed. I felt so sick all night and weak. I just knew I'd wake today poorly. I have. I feel weak all over; breathless, woozy head and sickly. It's making me add fear which of course makes my physical symptoms worse. My minds racing with why do I have these huge energy crashes again? Is it anxiety but surely not as I'm never usually this bad. I feel I've got a hangover I feel that bad.
If I ever get like this it's after a huge exposure or seeing my toxic family. Last Wednesday I had a crash exactly like this and it was a day after wrapping presents for 5 hours plus housework.
It passed the next day and I have been fine until last night,.
get very anxious and scared on days like this. I worry why I crash like this? Is it normal? It's not like I just feel tired I feel so weak, sick, fatigued, heavy and woozy. I feel hungover. It's horrible. I wish I could accept it when it happens but I can't as these crashes were now rare. I had a full set of bloods 4 weeks ago and I'm doing well health wise. I get afraid somethings been missed and what if I wake like this Christmas day I wish I didn't add fear but it naturally kicks in and I will feel ill all day plus anxiety on top.
Sorry to post . I'm just feeling afraid today and worried why this happens to me because surely it's not normal. I felt rough as soon as we got home and it got worse and worse. My anxiety runs wild I thought these were behind me. My husband thinks they're just anxiety but it's not as it's so physical and i feel poorly like a hangover and huge energy crash. I get scared about Christmas, what if I faint, what if I end up in hospital.... you name it I am anxious today about it.
I hope it's ok I have posted. My kids are in school and I am sat alone having a cry worrying.
Well, it all depends on your definition of 'normal'. But, you are still hypo, and when one is hypo, anything goes. All sorts of things can happen - and do happen! Anxiety being one of those things. And, what you should be thinking is : aren't I lucky that I rarely get these attacks anymore! Doesn't that prove to you that you're getting better? As I said before, you are always going to get bad days. You've just had one. It's unpleasant, but so what! We all get them.
I went to the dentist on Monday. I hate the dentist. I was so scared and anxious that I was shaking like a leaf. But, I had toothache! So, I had to go. I've put it off for three years! lol But, I couldn't put it off any longer, and I had to go. The stress of it all and the anesthetic - I nearly hit the roof and scratched his eyes out when he stuck the needle in my gums! - has left me practically bed-ridden since then. But, I no-longer have toothache. Yay!
These are the things we have to learn to live with. Our little phobias. It's not normal to be afraid of the dentist in this day and age. And he's such a lovely man, I could almost fall in love! And I know all this, but it's stronger than me, I can't help it. And, you could call this 'normal', I suppose. 'Normal' for me. Just as your anxiety-ridden agoraphobia is 'normal' for you. We all have our own 'normality'. I am better than I used to be, it's only because I haven't been back for such a long time. And when I return to continue the treatment, on 17th January, I'm sure I won't shake at all. And, I'm sure, that with the time, your agoraphobia won't give you as much trouble as it does now. As your thyroid levels increase, you will learn to deal with it, until it disappears. Which I'm pretty certain it will.
In the meantime, try not to let it get the better of you like that. I know that's easier said that done, but you must know you're making progress, and it all takes time. Rome wasn't built in a day, and your T3 won't rise in a day, either, and it won't flood all the cells and open all the shut-down receptors in a day. It took you a long time to get to the point you were at before you started thyroid hormone replacement. And it's going to take you a long time to repair all the damage that's been done. But you're getting there, and you must concentrate on that, not the odd step backwards, that is bound to happen from time to time. I very much doubt that anything has been missed, as you said, you've had so many blood tests, etc. I'm pretty certain your problems are all due to lack of T3 in the brain. So, it will get better. Concentrate on the happiness you experienced last night, seeing your little one in the school play, and not on the anxiety you're experiencing today.
Have you never thought of taking up yoga, or meditation? I visited a Buddhist temple once, and was allowed to join in. I didn't feel I wanted to become a member - for one thing, it was a long way from home - but just that one visit calmed me enormously, and I often think with pleasure of my visit there, the peace I felt, the emptying of the mind. And they were all very nice, welcoming people. Perhaps you have a Buddhist temple near you...
I'm bed ridden today. I feel absolutely worn out, weak all over and sickly. Plus fear on top of why I feel so bad. My husband says it'll be the come down from yesterday which was saying huge thing for me to do.
I'm making progress and yes it's rare these bad crashes happen. I've not had a crash this bad though for ages. These bad crashes I've not had since the end of August so to suddenly have had 2 is a big shock and it's sends me worrying what's wrong to suddenly have then again. Yes I'm tired daily and have some days I need to rest but not feel like this. I walk my dog every morning now and shops a few times a week. I'm working on myself and my health improving has allowed that. To then feel like this again sends me in a spin especially with Christmas so close. I'm terrified incase I wake like this Christmas morning. I'd spoil it for everyone including myself.
My t3 hasn't ever been a bug issue. It was 5.3 last month and has always been around that. Range is about 3-6.
I do yoga daily when my body allows but usually most days gentle yoga and I've recently taken up meditation and crystals again. It'd just whej I feel this bad I'm terrified. It hit an hour after the service when I was feeling great and happy at what I'd achieved. I'm just concerned with how bad I feel because it's so unusual for me.
I did have everything tested last month and all was fine. Good news with my thyroid too.
I just wish I didn't add so much fear to these crash days but I find it so hard when I don't usually have them anymore and I feel so bad. I've got to pick my daughter up at 3 which scares me feeling like this.
You see how well you're doing? You're doing just great! But, to be honest, it would be amazing if you didn't have the odd bad day. It's nothing to be afraid of. It's your thyroid and it's going to get better.
It's very important to rest when you need to. So, don't worry about a day in bed! It's a small price to pay for the good it's doing your body to rest. You're only human, after all.
Thank you Greygoose, your words have calmed me a lot today.
Do you think it's just a come down from adrenaline last night facing a huge exposure? It's weird because I don't usually crash so hard anymore. That is why I get so anxious and worry what it is.
I cried to hubby on the phone earlier worried I'd have to go back to the GP and have more tests. He said we didn't need to see the GP, I had a full panel of bloods a month ago and thyroid is much bettter. I just worry what if i am back to these awful crashes and I am ill at Christmas like I was last year. I am putting a lot pf pressure on myself I know but it's such a shock having these crashes again.
In the last week I have been scared of another crash, my eating has been poor. I have been living off basic toast, plan potatoes, beans, bananas and oats, as I have felt sick with all the worry I was going to have crashes again and ruin Christmas. My husband says I am putting the pressure on me as it's the time of year I might need to see my toxic family I'm scared of but feel I have to for my childrens sakes, all the visitors and facing the concert when I am only just out working on my agoraphobia.
The only thing I've not been tested for is addisons so i worry when I feel t his bad. My GP said my bloods were fine and nothing pointing at that. My sodium was the only thing low but it came back up 9 days later. So he wasn't concerned at all. My random blood sugar was also 8.9 but HBA1C was fine so he said nothing more about that. It just all sets my mind worrying when I feel I am crashing again.
So, you had a week of stress before the concert, and Christmas is coming up, and all. Is it really any wonder that you crashed? I don't think it is. But, you make it worse for yourself by continually telling yourself that it might be the famous 'something else'! Try telling yourself that it is just your thyroid - or lack of thyroid hormone, at any rate. Repeat it over and over again 'it is not me, it is my thyroid'. That's something I've done in the past, and I can assure you, it works!
That is my problem. I had anxiety for 3 years after my brother attacked me and family cut me out. It was awful and led to me agoraphobic and anxious. I then became very well doing therapy and keeping away from my family. Then I became ill and all my anxiety returned. I lost all confidence and agoraphobia crept in due to me not going out. During this year of ill health I've been terrified, felt lonely and afraid. I was daily weak, drained, dizzy and the worst fatigue. I started improving once on thyroxine. I still get anxious at times but nothing like I was because I no longer feared how I felt physically.
Then recently I've felt anxious again, time of the year. My husband said' here we go the usual December anxiety because your family ruined Christmas twice' (after my brother attacked me they made my life hell bullying me every Christmas to forgive him and us be a family again). Then last December I was so poorly due to my thyroid and in a constant crash like today. So it's all bad memories and I get anxious in December something will spoil it and this year it;s been a fear of my anxiety returning bad and spoiling it or these crashes hitting hard again. I'd been feeling amazing and thought my ill health and anxiety was behind me then the last 3 weeks I've not felt right anxiety wise and had crashes twice and daily fatigued again.
The last few months I've made huge progress with my health and in turn the anxiety has improved. Daily I've been doing walks and shops, I have been so proud. Then on days like today I fall apart a terrified mess worried sick what's wrong with me to feel so poorly.
I am going to try saying that to myself, thank you. Can thyroid really cause energy crashes like this you think? My GP and others I've spoken to have said now I am on thyroid medication and TSH has come right down, all of this will be me being anxious and on an anxiety board I was accused of making up my thyroid illness. This man said his wife had it, she popped the pills and carried on as normal, he said you don't get that ill from an underactive thyroid and basically all I had was anxiety making me feel I am ill. It really upset me, so that's why I won't use anxiety boards now lol!
Oh dear, dear, dear! These stupid people! Just because his wife is well, popping her pill, doesn't mean every other hypos should be! Tell him his wife is lucky, and they should be counting their blessings, rather than upsetting other people! And, if that's the type of people you get on anxiety boards, then you're much better off without them!
Anxiety is a symptom, not a disease. In this case, it's a symptom of low T3 to the brain. The brain uses more T3 than any other part of the body. And when it hasn't got enough, you get all sorts of symptoms, that those not in the know, would call, 'mental illnesses'. Depression, anxiety, lose of memory, paranoia, agoraphobia, claustrophobia, and we were talking the other day about guilt. I'm pretty sure that guilt is a symptom of low T3, as well.
And, it doesn't matter how good your T3 is on the test, the test only measures what's in the blood, not what is getting into the cells - and certainly not what is getting into the brain.
So, yes, low T3 can cause all of these symptoms, and badly, too. But, you know how ignorant people are about thyroid! Just take no notice of people who tell you about your disease, you know better than they do how it affects you! And all of us, here, know just how terrible it can be. So, stick with us, and forget these negative people on other forums, you don't need that level of negativity in your life!
Thank you. I won't go back for sure but maybe I annoy people complaining u feel so poorly.
I'm just so worried as I was doing so well for 3 months and now I'm back having the odd day like this and I feek so poorly. I've even had people suggest I've adrenal fatigue or addisons with how I crash after a social event thsts caused me anxiety. Which of course makes me worry more it's not all thyroid. One lady said to me thyroid doesn't cause crashes after a soctal event or exposure thsts your adrenals. So it's adrenal fatigue. My gp hasn't ever tested my adrenals and has said adrenal fatigue isn't something they recognise as an actual illness other than addisons. Which I have been worried I have thanks to those people putting the fear in my head.
You're all great here and I appreciate you supporting me today.
Well, you've just got to start ignoring these people. Or, better still, don't go near them anymore.
But, if you're really worried about adrenals, ask your doctor to do an early morning serum cortisol test - that's all they do do on the NHS. If that is out, then he will test your for Addison's. But, it's true, adrenal fatigue is not recognised by the NHS.
Do you take care of your adrenals? Eat a high protein breakfast as soon as you get up; get plenty of salt; plenty of B vits and vit C? It's true that the adrenals can become tired when they have to cover for low thyroid, but I think you'd be a lot sicker if you actually had Addison's.
Just ask the doctor for the morning cortisol test to set your mind at rest. He sounds like a good sort, I'm sure he'll do it.
I will ask him in the new year I think. Is it a blood test?
I eat oats at breakfast usually. I take powdered vitamin c daily. B12. I also take feroglobin liquid which has some vitamins and iron (I take it for low ferritin). My sodium was low on bloods last month so I started and doing himalayan salt to my food and it brought it up.
And yes I'm not like this daily. I used to be but now these crashes were rare. I daily feel tired which I accept as the thyroid but crashes like this seem to hit if I do something very anxiety provoking like the concert last night or see my family I am fearful of. Lots of shopping or physical activity. I pace and cook, clean, yoga, short walks and I'm fine with that. Thankfully these crashes seem to just last a day after whatever triggered it. Touch wood I bounce back tomorrow. It's jury they had stopped the last few months and I'd hurt have tired days. So I'm guessing if addisons or if adrenal fatigue is a real diagnosis then I'd feel poorly daily like this.
Hi Jingyd35. I agree with GG comments - you are making progress.
Family: Limit contact with them. I do, and it helps. Choose good friends instead.
Racing thoughts: Physio advised me to watch trash tv. It's a distraction. Your thoughts can fuel your physical symptoms, which in turn fuel your thoughts that things are really bad. See: llttf.com/index.php?section... . Colourng in pattern books also helps - I know several folk who use this method.
Agoraphobia: Take baby steps out (with a friend if possible) to help build your confidence. Go to quiet places first. Then go to places where there a small number of people, etc etc. Avoiding going out makes going out harder when you have to do it. Do it regularly to keep your confidence up. I know that is far easier said than done when you are feeling so ill on some days.
Thank you so much for your kind reply and great links that I will digest today. I'm in bed resting until I have to do the school run.
I didn't think I was that anxious last night but going to the school concert in a huge church was a massive exposure for me. I was just shocked how quickly I felt unwell. I felt fine afterwards, on top of the world then slowly the sickness feeling hit, I felt weak and drained. I woke today even worse. Proper crash and had I've not had them this bad in months so it terrifies me. Especially before Christmas. I'm scared incase this hit Christmas day.
I do exposure work now. I'm working up my fear hierarchy slowly but last night was a huge exposure I had to do. I couldn't miss my daughters concert.
My brother attacked me 4 years ago. I cut him out my life and as a result my family including my mother resented me. I'm civil with one sister now and my mother I allow her to visit so the children can see her. She's not supported me once knowing how anxious and agoraphobic it all made me plus my ill health this year. So yes seeing family causes me stress and crashes afterwards but not normally this intense. I spoke to my mum yesterday and did the church at night. I can't believe how awfuk I feel. It's like I'm hungover but weak and woozy too. Horrible.
Thus time of year doesn't help as I fear seeing my sister and mother and feel under pressure to see my mum and shes arranged to see the children Christmas eve. I'm scared stiff it'll cause a crash like this now. As I said to GG, these crashes this bad are so rare it's a shock to have 2 in 7 days. I'm tired daily yes but I never crash this bad so it's why I'm afraid somethings wrong and of course adding fear makes me feel even worse.
I hope by now you're recovering and feeling better.
I'm not surprised you felt so ill if you did contact with Mum and then concert in evening. On top of that it's a difficult time of year for you - so that is 3 major stressors coming at same time. I suggest pacing. ie when they are big stressors do one thing, and leave it a few days before doing anything else.
It's not easy, I know, as life sometimes gets in the way, and family rarely understand your illness or how they impact on it. It's much easier to cut contact, or limit it to what you can cope with.
I had awful anxiety over Christmas. I sent my husband with the children to my mums house as I wasn't well at all with the anxiety causing energy crashes. She turned up here a few days after Christmas wanting a talk and I had the worst panic attack and let out how I felt about how she's hurt me the last 4 years and no let me down. I promised myself I'd never do that but I did and I crashed severe in bed for 2 days with weakness and fatigue. It was not worth it, nothing will change, she never does. I'm ok now and it's made me realise why I crash like that. It's the constant turmoil with family still wanting some contact.
Thank you for your kind words xx
I suffered for decades with my family. They put me through hell, and I came close to suicide.
My husband was so supportive and finally I wrote a letter to my parents explaining how I thought that the relationship was harmful to me, and that I felt for the sake of us all it would be better if we did not see each other anymore.
It was the best thing I had ever done. It was incredibly difficult initially, and my husband was really helpful, but I cannot tell you the amazing feeling of freedom I felt.
I was finally free, and could be myself.
I never saw my mother again, and do you know? It was a relief.
This may not be the right thing to do for many, and I am not saying that it is right for you. Some folk reading this may think I was hard hearted to my parents, but I finally got the courage to put myself, and my mental health first.
Can I suggest something? Think of yourself only, and what is best for you, your husband and daughter, no one else.
Try to imagine how would you feel if you broke ties with your wider (toxic as you call them) family. Would it be a relief?
I know for me, it was the beginning of my healing.
I cannot say what would be best for you, but I do sense a huge amount of distress and fear at the thought of the Christmas Eve visit ruining your own Christmas.
What about your own needs, and your own Christmas?
Above all do not be pressurised Into seeing your brother, by anyone. When YOU are ready, not before. Of course you may never be ready. That is OK after what happened. Your Mother may want everyone to play happy families, But does she not recognise how much you have and are suffering?
Would it be possible to postpone that visit until after your Christmas Day with your husband and daughter?
I may be way off the mark, and if I am please forgive me. I mean no offence, only sense that you are a bit at sea at the moment.
You refer to them as your toxic family.
Think about what is best for YOU this Christmas, and grab it.
Good luck
in reply to
Thank you so much, your reply has really helped me.
I do refer to them as toxic as my GP and therapist in the past did so I learnt to realise they were the cause of all my trauma and anxiety.
I had a tough childhood, my parents were always fighting, dad in the pub to escape mum and mum would scream and spit on him when he came home every night. Never hiding us away from any of it. I am the eldest of 4 so I became a second parent and she has since told me I was not a child, I was like another mother in the house. I accepted it growing up and saw no wrong in it. My brother was suicidal from a young age, always seeking my mothers attention trashing his bedroom, self harming etc.. which I know he couldn't help. My mother never got him help and hid his issues from our doctor, school etc... By the age of 20 I escaped it and my mother cut me off for moving out and living with my fiance. When i had my first child we started seeing eachother again and our relationship grew and we were close again, until 4 years ago. My brother had a huge breakdown, he attacked my husband in 2011 outside our house infront of my son.He then begged for forgiveness and my family made me forgive him, my mother threatened to cut me off if I didn't. I was then so led by my family I agreed. A year later he attacked me, he had been hurting his kids and Social Services got involved and I was accused of ringing them. He attacked me and was arrested, my sisters and mother blew up at me and cut me off. My sister and mother gave me 2 years of hell. I became agoraphobic and an anxious mess dreading their calls and texts. I cut my sister off, I cut my brother off from that day and never want contact with him.
Last year my sister wanted me back, I agreed to be civil. She has since tried to get me to come to family meals, holidays etc.. and I always politely decline I just keep it civil, nothing more. Yes it causes me severe anxiety if she wants to call on the kids birthdays or Christmas, I dread it. My mother wanted a clean slate and she promised to never pressure me again to make up with my brother and sisters, she has stuck to that but no she doesn't understand what my siblings did to me destroyed me. She invited us all to her house Christmas day, she has not hosted xmas before. I politely declined and she wasn't happy with me. She said 'he won't hurt you Julie, he's not like that anymore. I am disappointed you won't come for me'. I couldn't believe how selfish and silly she was. I said to her 'it's not that he might hurt me now, it's the sheer panic of him being near me, the memories and flashbacks seeing him. Being near my sisters who have hurt me so much and being around a family that left me for dead that day he attacked me. I want to spend my Christmas with family who love me and prove it'. She hated it. I told her she could visit Christmas Eve morning for 2 hours. I have set a time on it and said we have plans at lunch. I am doing it for the children, not me. If i didn't have children I'd cut all ties.
That is where this constant internal struggle lies, it's having children who love their Nan and want to see her. I can't cut her off because my children crave her love. The thing is she's barely bothered with any of them the last 4 years, she visits as and when my sister will let her (she controls her every move and my mum visits around her needing her). She knew my son was bullied last winter and he became suicidal and depressed. I called her one day sobbing, i said 'I wish I had a mother who would just come and hug me, support me and tell me everything is going to be ok. I am terrified i am going to lose my son'. Her response was 'you know i would if i could'. Cold and stern. From that day I rarely saw her and my son ended up seeing CAMHS to help with his anxiety, depression and bullying but he also ended up talking about my mum and how much its effected him. She comes in and out of their lives. I know she loves them but she just is cold and doesn't know how to show it. If I was to say I'd accept my brother back tomorrow they'd all love me but because I won't I am resented. I am ok about that now but having kids it's so hard as I feel I can't cut my mother off completely. I swear it is why I have this anxiety and struggle inside as I want to be free but can't be. If you see what I mean.
My husband is visiting my sisters to drop off presents for niece and nephews next week, I am not going and again my mother asked why. I swear she is oblivious. I told her I would find it very anxiety provoking being in the houses of 2 girls who lets face it hate me and only civil for our childrens sakes. My sister hasn't acknowledged I exist all year and didn't even send my daughter a birthday card. I am sending my husband so I don't need to have severe anxiety before Christmas. I can't go and be false either. My mother I will allow her to come see the children as they want to see her but if I didn' have children I'd have walked away from even my mum 4 years ago as she hurt me terribly, didn't protect me that day and she knew how ill I was afterwards and just left me to it.
Sorry this got long. I agree with everything you have said, I just find it so hard having my children who still crave their grandmother and i guess that is totally normal. They lost all their aunties, uncles and cousins the day my brother attacked me so they have been through so much. They are aware of what happened as they aren't very young children, and they still want to see their cousins, but are hurt at their aunties behaviour. I allow cousins to visit sometimes with my mum. It's so hard on them and me as I lost all my niece and nephews because I had to walk away from their parents.
Julie x
Yes I know it is difficult, my children were very fond of their granny.
In the end I decided that what was best for me would also be best for my kids., and as I said it was the best thing I ever did.
My kids and husband agreed, and we never looked back.
Good luck, whatever you decide
in reply to
You're a very strong person.
I do think any contact with them keeps my anxiety racing for sure.
Thank you.
No, not a strong person really.
I became stronger once I was free. Free to be me.
I was able to look at my childhood and recognise how awful it was, and leave it behind, stop dwelling upon it, and live in the present, without allowing my past to constantly ruin my present and future.
I left behind being a victim, it was wonderful.
It was like I had lived in repression, in black and white. I began to live in technicolor.
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I thought these were behind me. My husband thinks they're just anxiety but it's not as it's so physical and i feel poorly like a hangover and huge energy crash. I get scared about Christmas, what if I faint, what if I end up in hospital.... you name it I am anxious today about it.
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