A sudden burst of energy and extra cleaning duties due to my continual moulting!

My newly put together kit sofas, and armchairs, delivered late, from an unmentionable company specializing in flat pack furniture with, pieces missing and instructions nowhere to be seen, have become very popular. The tirade of abuse they received from my husband when he realized that my economy measures for the new house involved days of infuriated construction, are all but a distant memory, lost in the mists of time. Deep purple tinged with burgundy in colour, seemed a very good idea at the time They are large enough for everybody, the cats like them, visitors love them, all sorts of people enjoy sleeping on them. I have room to sulk and huff when needed etc They also go nicely with my teeth on edge circular striped carpets. Guests to the house love these very much, unless I have poured them too much wine, then a sort of uneasy feeling of being sucked into a technicoloured vortex can be slightly unsettling.

I bought myself a Christmas present, a suspiciously cheap and shaggy grey blue cardigan which is very very furry, it is great when I am cold, but the minute I move about I overheat and become very aware of its static man made fibres. I then rapidly over heat, and end up taking nearly all my clothes off, only to have to go through this several times in a day, as of course I the cool down just as quickly and feel too cold. However if I wear it on a very cold day when unwell and needing to sit still this works a treat. My excuse before Christmas even though I am now losing weight on NDT was that if it was going to look fat I may as well be fat and fluffy. The cardigan has rather an unfortunate effect on our house. I shed fibres wherever I go, this is most apparent in the sitting room.

Anybody visiting the house would presume that I had perhaps owned some sort of Persian Blue cat with a heavy moulting habit, as I leave a trail of fibres stuck to anywhere I have sat. The new cardigan has now become the bottom layer of my elderly cat's new pink fluffy basket. She is thrilled with this new synthetic thermal arrangement. First thing in the morning before I gallop to the loo, having crossed my legs doing Dr Barry's temperature and blood pressure routine. The first thing I see is my tabby tiger in her new basket at the foot of my bed her fangs gently smiling at me. One other side effect of this new arrangement is, that I continually wake the cat up, she is getting less sleep now, as she looks so utterly adorable in her new bed, that I just have to stop and stroke her every time I catch sight of her.

I am also sticking to my daily exercise, I had to give it all up before Christmas, having crashed badly a few months back, serious fatigue and endless infections. My LDN is now working better again now I am giving my Thyroid a bit of oomph. I have machines all over the house, in front of televisions so I don't get bored. However I did find one particular work out deeply disturbing as I stamped about in my bedroom to the back drop of Mary Berry discussing the pros and cons of making a 'wobbly tart'! After my warm ups around the house, I then put my ski jacket on and do 15 minutes in the garden on second hand air walker. This either thrills or disturbs the neighbours, but I am far form caring about such minor detail. The last time I got a decent wolf whistle was recently when dragging giant bags up the local high street, three tramps drinking special brew on a bench in town, seemed to think I might want to join them! They were pretty good natured and I bought them a round of hot tea and went home to feverishly check my appearance in a three sided mirror!

I am content that I am progressing deeply into the perimenopause, I don't need a blood test, the fact that I have been ordering fluffy cat baskets on line is definitive proof. Some women I know start collecting suspect china ornaments or fluffy bears... this is clearly not for me. I have also arranged an 18th birthday party for my eldest cat with a menu especially for her, lots of people are coming, so they must all know I am well on the way. My husband accepted the invitation straight away and so did several of our friends.. They know perfectly well that it will degenerate into an evening full of music, food and bad behaviour... as long as Mrs Tiger gets to eat her fresh prawn crackers and I make a film of it etc.

Also not wishing to drone on and on too much, the theme of cardigans is loud and kicking. I have purchased in a sale a couple of those older woman, deeply flattering long cardigans. However I sized them wrong and got ones made for those who are extra tall. They look really regal on me, nice and purple and another one pink with a hood. However so far as they trail behind me at some speed as I glide about the place. So far I have been left outside the front door unable to move due to locking the trailing cardigan in behind me. Also wrapped around internal doors due to the trailing fabric getting stuck on door handles. Also in high winds I have become stuck to various winterized rose bushes and brambles in the garden. An I also arrived at an appointment in town, and flew head on into a shop as I tripped on the ends of one of them entering a shop via a small flight of stairs. I have now aclimatized to them and take more care, but this does not stop one of my cats from lying in wait and hanging off the back. Today she is having a hair cut... I brush her with some sort of vigour, and then my husband trims the bits off her that don't get groomed due to old age. I am far too squeamish to do that.

Life is good currently, Dithers arrived on the train last week end in a cloud of exotic perfume that nobody else could possibly locate when shopping other than her, and brought me a very interesting collection of twigs in pots sourced from Columbia Road in London. These had been rather exotic orchids which had gone into shock in her flat and then shed their petals rapidly on the train after being exposed to sudden heat changes and gale force winds in transit.

I was most amused, and they are now in my plant hospital and will come back to life shortly. I now have around ten orchids of many different colours. One of the new ones she brought along, albeit minus leaves and petals is the very one I wanted. I had ummed and fussed about a pale green one with purple spots for quite some time but could not justify purchasing it. Dithers had picked this up on best friend telepathy which clearly works well.

She caused mayhem on her arrival in my local town, we went straight out for lunch. Dithers is just like me and needs to be fed on demand every half an hour. Having secured a table at a place doing two for the price of one, she then endeavoured to download the applicable voucher. Her phone immediately went flat. The first twenty minutes were spent with her on all fours, wedged under a small table with a lamp on top, with a seemingly very short charger lead trying to charge her device and download the required meal ticket under the stern eye of a Hungarian waitress who needed to inspect our validity for such an offer, even though she has met me several times over the last four years. Most of the restaurant were entertained with a fetching view of Dither's rear end framed by a coffee table.

A laugh with a good friend who understands my wittering and grumps really re charges my batteries.. Once she was back in London, I visited her almost immediately, due to having hospital appointments for one of the teenagers up there. All went well and I returned to the very visible sign of a nice homely house with a harmless calling card in it. My daughter as a great circle of friends, and one particular tall lad with a quirky sense of humour when tiddled likes to stretch to his maximum height and pop my luminous green watering can on top of a high beam in my kitchen.. I can always tell that something has gone on by the location of this... but they do clear up and keep my husband amused so no harm done.

There is also concrete evidence that Dither's has a new man, my Ms Marple tendencies went into overdrive, not only has her flat become luxurious looking, it has also been cleaned to OCD standards including the communal areas right down to the front door, with new plants outside. Also her weekly obsession with taking in a few lonely pug dogs has disappeared. Although I notice her make up bag has a photograph of a pug on it. Other evidence is the arrival of a strange industrial light fitting for her kitchen that was certainly not selected by her arty eye. It looks as if it has come straight out of some sort of pre war medical operating theatre and has strange present from new man written all over it. I dread to think what they will both be doing once it is installed!

At home here, there is slight lull here now, the calm before the next storm, the builders are about to descend again and start another phase, and started their most recent last visit with a patrol around the house to check my man's latest DIY - which was pronounced to be lacking in wall plugs everywhere! Tonight my mans band will rehearse in the house, and I shall spend at least an hour with all the lights on trying to hoover up static shaggy cardigan threads off the furniture in my sitting room, as it looks quite awful especially if not filled in about the origin of the threads......

I hope everybody is having a Happy New Year... and please sign and SHARE and recruit this: epetitions.direct.gov.uk/pe... We all need to help if possible.


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12 Replies

  • Wonderful, The images of you in your moulting long ladies cardigan is quite vivid, I can see you swooping around like the queen with a long train behind her! It is great to hear you seem to have more energy and are on the up. Thanks for making me chuckle, the images of you will keep me amused for quite some time. X

  • Oh dear! Now to huff and puff on the first machine of the day! MaryF

  • At least it's only your cardi that moults. One of my client's office chairs in the office I was using stopped working - it wouldn't wheel around any more. Turned it on its side and the wheels were all clogged with my hair ... oops!

  • Oh dear, what a resourceful way to upcycle and make your own breaks! MaryF

  • Phew, thank heavens it was only cardigan fluff. When I read your headline I thought you were losing your hair!

    I had to snigger at Dithers and her phone. You should have got the two for one for entertainment value alone. Happy New Year to you

  • Same to you. MaryFx

  • You post left me in stitches. I also accidentally purchased one of the long cardigans and felt that I was a superhero flying around in my cape. The first time I wore it the tail ended up in the loo when I forgot to pull it to the side. I have also shut it in doors and have been pulled back abruptly, and almost fell over once, when it gets stuck on a doorknob. My workmates still chuckle whenever they see me wear it. I have finally decided a belt will help hold it down.

    I love the image of Dithers and her phone at the restaurant and the tipsy guest in the color vortex. :)

  • Yes L plates and long drapey cardigans. MaryF

  • Your blogs are priceless, wouldn't miss them for the world x

  • Well thank you. MaryFx

  • Welcome to the perimenpausal gang! Another reason that I know I'm passing into pre old age is thst my nearly 87 year old mother now admires my choice of clothes and wants to borrow them! Lol!!! Thanks for keeping me entertained with your very funny blog. Keep it up! xxx

  • More soon, but I have to take a brief break in order to shop for plastic rain hoods and some treble gusset pants! MaryF

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