I have not had the best of weeks, having had the better health for ages, this last week my hormones took over and plunged me into the worst flare for months. Lupus and all autoimmune things are driven mad by the ups and downs of hormones, and whichever one is doing it, probably Lupus - needs a bunch of five. My hair style leaves a lot to be desired - this mornings reflection back in the mirror, revealed some glowering with a limp brillo pad on top. Currently with badgerish white side bits, and ends which were violently snipped off with the nail scissors at dawn. It did not help that after a bath resembling something normally seen in the Elephants House at London Zoo, I finished off by getting dressed into a rather unfortunate shade of faded ochre yellow, which enhanced a rather pallid appearance leaning towards jaundice. I am decidedly off currently - and it alters my appearance. The jumper lasted five minutes before being flung into the back of my wardrobe, later on one of my cats will probably get in there and paddle with it to help it develop those rather unflattering bobbly bits that smooth wool jumpers gain almost instantly.
I had then a strange yearning for some of the strange presents an old aunt of mine used to buy me during my teenage years - she was ahead of time, they would have been perfect for my middle aged life now. A special device for shaving bobbly bits away from garments to make them look new again. Also some rather hideous over flowery padded and waterproof gloves, purchased for my mother, so that she could retrieve deep frozen and unrecognizable things from the depths of a chest freezer, without getting frost burn, and a rather unfortunate net bag purchased for my sister Melons, (please don't ask). The bag could stretch to any size and unfortunately hit the floor with it's stretch capacity even with one tin in it, my sister demonstrated it's extra versatility by wearing over her head with a handle around each ear. 'We were not amused' springs to mind and eventually the thoughtful presents were no more. I explained all this to my young daughter who felt that she would quite like all of them now, I was not the best behaved teenager, and am still not now!!
I have been very grumpy having phoned up one of the doctors who I see - he felt probably the menopause was giving me perhaps an initial demonstration of how my hormones might behave, so far head to toe psoriarsis almost with no gaps, a 9 day migraine and inflamed kidneys, and insomnia due to join pain. Half way through some self indulgent low level grumbling I remembered that my husband has some work colleagues coming to dinner and I had promised three courses. As scintillating as watching paint dry sprung to mind - (I remember the last visitation). However I pulled out all the stops and got on with it.
Most of it went well, however as I made chocolate brownies, with one eye shut to read the on line recipe..I managed to get the dish of melted chocolate butter stuck in the saucepan of hot water, and having lost my temper just tipped the whole thing up over the bowl full of sugar and flour. At which time it all came away, water underneath and all ruining the mixture.
The lavender bushes outside my kitchen, and there are many, have only recently finished absorbing my last batch of gluten free pastry, which had stuck in hardened yellowing unappetizing clumps for many weeks. The whole lot are now widely splattered with brown goo, (its was a double batch) - and quite frankly if I was visiting the house to view it with an idea of buying it, I might well wonder what had gone on in those bushes! However an easy recipe so I started again. Luckily I had a large supply of forgotten about Easter Eggs to melt down. I hid them months ago in case my PMS chocolate conveyor belt started up. I then forgot about them... found them when flinging jaundice inducing jumper in wardrobe yesterday morning. I then having re made the brownies launched into the next course.. forgot I was chopping chilies and rubbed both eyes liberally just before opening the doors to visitors who of course turned up three hours early... did they tell my husband - Yes.. did he inform me of the new time No. However their faces at the sight of my kitchen acted almost as a cure! I served wine two hours early last night...
Anyway I shall embrace crone-hood, bring it on. I have already ordered my broom stick and there will be no stopping me. Since this morning, I have now dyed my hair to that colour lots of ladies do when sick of brown.. that sort of over shiny purpley over done burgundy colour, I think it may be awful..but the badger has gone! Apart from the current state of affairs I am still doing very well on LDN. All hospitals are still pleased with me.. up until this point, about the most flattering things said about me, having in the past been in front of medical students is... this is 'Mary F.. she is terribly terribly autoimmune', hmmm thank you so much professor etc, or my best one by my toughest and grittiest no nonsense GP is.... 'Mary F your immune system is totally mad'... thanks... etc. I now have four hospitals and two clinics to keep tabs on with the paper work for myself and the children.. so I do appreciate some humour thrown in.
Having had to be in bed again for a few days.. I have had the delights of collective estate agents to deal with..giving me an urge to bark ferociously and chase them up the street comes into my mind, I have only sacked two so far, not bad going. I have been left with one at the moment who is rather efficient and does what it says on the tin. So I can simmer down for a bit. In the middle of all this fuss and commotion my friend Dithers phoned up to explain her sudden and protracted absence from my life. I did get a brief bulletin a couple of weeks ago where she announced that her boss ( a formidable lady who speaks many languages) - had invited or rather demanded that she go on a free and luxurious cruise around the Mediteranean for two weeks. She was to help with aged relatives and generally be a companion to many people. Dithers duly packed for this, and as she explained to me, in a two minute phone call as she departed. She had never had an occasion to wear her entire wardrobe of dresses with matching bags and shoes all in a two week period of time. The driver of the car to the boat, remarked that her bosses case probably contained a dead body due to size and weight. There were several of these. Plus Dithers had her painting gear with her..this time no painting of neon dahlias, instead commissioned portraits of the big bosses relatives to get on with.
Once on board Dithers got on with her first task of pushing her bosses mother around the ship in a wheelchair. The lady occupant graced with a wild personality and a hilarious sense of humour, which was rather fortunate - as first of all Dithers and chair were wedged sideways in the lift doors. After some copious tugging and pushing, they were extracted with so much force, that all concerned were propelled out at the next floor and straight into a selection of free standing signs displaying directions to various beauty parlours. Her boss was busy meanwhile demonstrating to various people how she could easily swap between speaking French, Russian, Polish and Chinese and various African dialects as and when necessary. This display of fairly non stop language acrobatics continue 24/7 until back on dry land again.
It did not take Dithers or her boss long to realize that the boat had in it's employ a handful of ancient octogenarian men who were employed to act as professional dance partners to women of a similar age on the ship... and in direct contrast a very large troop of passengers in the form of young flamboyant and very outrageous men who's mission for the holiday was to be as naughty as possible and mainly only dance with other men.. apart from Dither's and her boss. By the end of the first evening, they had been initiated into an unofficial night time club of their own making called 'Friends of Dorothy' a very camp tribute to the Wizard of Oz.
Dither's had hoped to meet a nice new man.. and sip Martini's nightly and sail off into the sunset.. but in reality she and her boss. once elderly relatives were tucked up in their cabins, danced with very naughty men from 'The Friends of Dorothy' until 4.30 am every morning, and had to have several dinners due to energy used. Every so often an ancient professional dancing man would make Dithers go off and do ballroom dancing with him. whilst speaking to her in a thick Hungarian accent with his 'slow slow, quick quick SLOW! However she was more preoccupied with his rather mobile thick nylon wig which would gradually work its way across his head if any speed was achieved on the dance floor. During the holiday a rather exotic healer from Mexico made several advances in Dither's direction as apparently her energy was very good and needed to checked and seemed of a night to involve a very large rough set of wandering hands. She is coming to stay soon, and I shall extract every last detail!
The whole holiday worked out well. Once back to Southampton Docks - she was delivered at some speed to her bosses house to take charge of 6 trolleys of garden plants and shrubs, which for some reason had to be put in immediately - and involved flood lighting a garden deep in South London at the dead of night. This was followed on by her residing for the next five days at the same house cooking furiously for a planned works party, the following week-end. I was amused as usual by her accounts of disgust at things she had seen on the television. People with rather strange night time inclinations in other parts of the world which had made her hair stand on end. Culminating in the viewing of rather an unfortunate programme about animal rescue in the USA, containing close up footage of umpteen snakes coiled or slithering about in lit up tanks with beady eyes, flickering tongues and some being of immense size.. this enhanced in terms of her disgust due to a large variety of mice running amok for their dinner and an equally unpalatable owner.
Dithers is hilarious we all need one. My husband is staying with her tonight as he as work in London, he will be kept equally amused and phone me and tell me what she is doing!
My dinner last night could have done with Dithers attending, as she likes my indignance. The on line shopping I had delivered for last nights' work related dinner, having been too ill to go out in person, left a lot to be desired... free range chicken of a good size....brought on an online row and complete refund today...I announced to my guests last night that I was serving garlic and thyme braised sparrow with smoked paprika butter beans etc.
Today some people came to view the house, they loved it, but said they did not like shrubs and trees... I did some of what my husband calls snarly smiling... and refrained from offering to show them around the nearest local air landing strip or supermarket car park. They can't have it!
I do wonder how long this frightful fraught lady menopause thing will take - ailments aside.. everything is irritating me..I found two flies doing something revolting on the kitchen window this morning... the force of my lime green flip flop from one side of the room to the other was definitely a perfect shot and up to Olympic standards.. one fly is vile, but two getting up to something is too much. etc.
More Hypo thryoid fuss soon. MaryF
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