Good news and bad news, but nothing to extreme one way or the other. Having made the mistake of self diagnosis and Gout and various other possible complications, a few weeks back, due to tripping over the BBQ, and not for the first time. For a few days I glared at my large toe until I was reluctantly dropped at Casualty, by him. No point in going to the GP, I know perfectly well I would have been sent there. My friend Dithers made helpful and supportive comments such as, 'when I last attended Casualty I managed to read War and Peace from Start to finish.
Actually I was not that long in there, and the whole time was spend on the phone with her listing ailments which had driven her to hospital, her last three being. 1. A dreadful dithering experience during a lesson on a Vespa Scooter, which had sent both her tutor and herself around the bend with dire consequences and no further lessons. 2. A garden stake unfortunately pinged into her eye, during some feverish pruning and tidying up, and finally 3. A wild party ending in a deep sleep and her contact lenses left in too long leaving her unable to see anything whatsoever for quite some time, until they unstuck themselves from her eyeballs.
I had my Beano toe Xrayed and much to my amusement the verdict was swift. Due to the small toe I had broken tripping over the BBQ and also unbeknownst to me the one next to it chipped. I had walked badly to compensate and made the other side of my foot swell up. I was congratulated by a rather young and dishy radiographer, on my expert use of gaffer tape and the bone was in the right position. I always like a positive outcome from hospital and to hear that all would resolve swiftly was a good thing. I have since had a week flapping about the place in flip flops and all feels fairly good again. I was rather alarmed at the severity of the 'Nurse Practitioner', it seems to be a remit to look severe with half glasses wedged on end of nose as if to try and indicate that perhaps they have had two decades of advanced Orthopedic training to consultant level when they clearly have not had so. Pleasant and efficient but certainly not up to date on my spectacular array of possible autoimmune mishaps.
The other half of the phone calls from Dithers were about her ongoing driving lessons. Dithers has been learning to drive on and off for over thirty years. (I say on and off as she does read these and will be furious). There have of course been a few impoverished and artisan gaps in this process. The last gap came courtesy of her sacked driving instructor who was as randy as a mountain goat in rutting season and felt it ok to make a seedy gesture involving his arms as she negotiated a rather frightful roundabout. involving severe rush hour traffic. After a timely gap he has been swapped for a rather matter of fact no nonsense middle aged lady, but this still does not solve the problem of Kevin the Examiner who has been at the same office, for decades, lurking with jobsworth intent at every driving test she has been put in for. Either she can take Valium and glide through the next test, but it might bring on extreme Dithering, or plan B would of course involve perhaps re locating to another area, for the test to avoid Kevin who obviously for his entire long and distinguished career to date has lain in wait for Dithers for over thirty years, in case she turns up for a test.
Dithers is due back at the end of the week, for the second part of her Private View. The first part went very well, she was gliding around in a floor length diaphanous floral dress a vision of floaty purple, in direct contrast to the night before in my house where she had got up in the night to spend a penny and veered off in many different directions into lurking piles of furniture awaiting (THAT ENDLESS REMOVAL), waking us all up with high pitched gasps and noises of slithering avalanches involving my carefully stacked objects and spare bedding. After the viewing of her art we all disappeared to a pub on the Estuary and sampled various things including some rather incinerated chicken goujons which were removed off the final bill but not before being sneaked into my handbag for the cats, who I might add recoiled and then left the house at some speed having come into contact with them.
Today I had a trip out to town with a close friend, partly to do some marketing for the family business but also to go shopping. I stepped into a health food shop, and flew over the front step whilst reading 'mind the step' hit my head on a healing crystal suspended on a string from the ceiling, over the first display, and was immediately invited to purchase a pick me up tonic. Offered to me I might add, by somebody who looked so alarmingly ill, despite their claims of full health aided by the tonic, that I did rapidly decline the aforementioned drink. If it is going to induce a pallor such as hers, verging on green tint it is not for me, or for that matter the fish like hand shake with complete lack of any pulse. Having asked for one particular item advertised in the window I was informed that they had never heard of it. One of those days. Luckily I had been recently fed so was less bad tempered with my acidic responses.
Later on I shall find out which friends are coming to visit, people keep coming to stay as they love this house, so come for their final stay before we move, which still has not happened, on and on it goes with estate agents who read from a script of nothing and need full frontal lobotomies at least twice weekly while I run their offices.
Dithers is coming back again, but currently is unable to leave her heavily alarmed house which she moved in to house sit, unfortunately the owner is a good friend who perhaps may worry more than she needs to, and when leaving the premises then gets people in to house sit the house sitter and so on until more and more people are in there causing the alarm to go off almost continually and render Dithers unable to leave. The other possibility is that Hairy Legs may pop over for yet another final visit in our house, this will take place after I type out a list of possible dinners that I may or may not make.
One of these days I may move house, the teeth on edge chain is getting crosser by the day. I am now talking to several sets of people in the chain plus the solicitors. The Estate agents phone up usually one week behind with the news to give me an update twice weekly.
ps SIGN, SHARE and RECRUIT - there are over 18,000 members on here, if everybody took the trouble sign and recruit 5 people we would have over 100,000 signatures which would put pressure on the UK government to let us have better access to treatments and a choice of them! epetitions.direct.gov.uk/pe...