'He' has been making lots of really helpful suggestions about how I could run the house without doing so many things when tired. This has come about as I needed to by an essential item. One solution, we could, or rather I could do less washing and we could all wear less clothes. Although this does not fit with his earlier solution about not having the heating on which involved more clothing not less, He told me this with the BBC weather report coming in announcing frosts and cold evenings. It also does not account for the fact that he becomes plastered in oil, food, ink, garden matter or in fact anything that needs a surface to stick to within a ten mile radius. Once in this state, usually five minutes after he should have left to attend meetings and see clients, I am asked if he looks nice and will he do.
When I do suggest smartening up I am brushed aside quite rapidly and he is often to be found minutes later, waste deep in estuary slime having misjudged where to get out of his boat, on a rowing to work sort of day. Pin striped trousers caked in mud from the thighs down to his shoes. The fact that he appears to think that a bottle of essential oils and an incense stick will cover all events and circumstances, is as much a mystery to him, as are to me his treble booked clients and indeed his endless puzzlement with people appearing in the wrong places or collectively in the same time slot. Usually after yet more technological advances have been made with our computers and telephones. I refer to them all as the crystal ball and do actually pop a scarf on and act out the whole thing if one of his friends calls around to see if he can come out to play. My husband is available for endless band rehearsals and last minute gigs involving no payment whatsoever, usually after he has told me he is fully booked and busy for weeks with no gaps due to reports being due in or papers to be written for lectures.
For the last ten days, I have been going for the jugular of large UK company who took my money for washing machine, did not come up with the goods or deliver it. I had some delightful on line spats and some targeted phone calls. I live ten miles from any launderette and have been ill in bed. However my powers to find executive or even chairman's addresses on line is legendary and also my kind offers to appear with them on consumer rights television programmes annihilating in detail their customer services departments. My new machine will come tomorrow with some dosh knocked off and overseen by a large team of panting executives. I did end up thanking them in the end, they did pull out all the stops and say sorry rather nicely.
In the build up to this state of affairs, my man had some epic hours wrestling with washing machines, attempt number one was to park it in the middle of the utility room, suck through his teeth, and get it going again. It was rendered well and truly expensively circuit boarded dead. Next came some huffing and puffing and out it went into the garden on a special two wheeled removal trolley, He just just loves those Screw Fix catalogues! Part two came next, this was an even heavier machine brought in through the back door, which had sat motionless in our damp garage for around six years. A clapped out present from a dearly departed long gone relative. Once in place and filled with water, that was the end of it. That one was pronounced dead over the phone by the help of my first partner from over 25 years ago, who used to mend such things under duress, with endless success in my more hippie days. No amount of leverage with spanners or lubrication with WD40 was going to get the drum going round. He was now most annoyed and worn out, in fact I would say furious.
Part three reached a rather foul climax the next morning, emptying the offending article of water and getting that out of the back door to join it's mate in the garden, and phase four deciding to take two dead washing machines to the tip in the car. Part five happens now, and is most unfortunate. One of my cats is very sensitive to change....and if somebody moves things or causes building disruption, she will do a little protest tinkle. As my husband rolled around on the floor in his best going to work clothes with minutes to spare before his late as usual departure, he was unaware that the cat had crept up behind him in the utility room and pissed on the floor. He rolled around in this frightful puddle for quite come time, feeling it was just from the washing machine, and of no concern or importance toward his departure for work, he certainly was going to slip out before I could say fresh ironed clothes and goodbye dear etc.
Part six was his irate phone call to me one hour later announcing that he stank of cat piss and was soaking wet and could not sit inside a building with another human being, I was to assist in my occasional role as emergency wardrobe mistress. this relayed to me on his way back at some speed with his hair on end. . He is a superstar and had tried to remedy the situation with an application of cleaning fluids which had further enhanced the ammonia effect. Having arrived back and turned lovely once again, he then sat with a rather mournful cat on his lap having a coffee whilst explaining in some detail to it, the merits of taking a leak in the garden.
Apart from this, nothing much has happened. My health is a bit crap currently but I have been chasing houses, ours to sell and the one we are buying, and roping in every favour on the planet, to enable our swift move to what will become a building site with me camping in the garden. This will be the case for several months in order to get what we need where we wish to be. The internet and children's bedrooms will be ok, and my camping stove works just fine. We are family that regularly camps, as we prefer it, my immense hot water bottle collection often goes on the road!
More fuss soon, I have just booked my ticket to the TUK conference in October and my hotel room, so one thing at least is organized. I hope to meet some nice friends old and new.
ps please save your Sainsbury Activ Kids tokens for me, collecting for local hospital. Thanks