Joyful dinners cooked by a bad tempered old bag

The last few days have been frightful in terms of lack of energy thanks to my usual hormone roller coaster, with lupus thrills at every high speed bend. I have had to spend endless hours in bed, or on the sofa resting. During this time as a family we have come to the conclusion that we need to move house, due to living miles away from our GP surgery and the hospital. Alongside an endless list , of recent emergencies and our children being older - have brought about a family united decision. Not an easy one to make as we love our house and garden, the general consensus being - if only one of the children had attended Hogwarts School, we could have made the house move to the edge of the nearest town.

This not being the case, I have literally made my self bilious and travel sick over and over again by spending too much time using 'Google Maps' and 'Street View' - my navigation skills appalling. I have lurched down most streets in cyber space over a very wide geographical area. Once out of bed, we then went armed with my gained local information, and drove down various roads with houses for sale, and had that awful scenario of having people with elasticated necks glaring out of windows from half behind curtains, knowing perfectly well that we were peering at their houses having not made an appointment So far it has made me VERY bad tempered, and I realized after viewing a couple of abodes - . that I am not prepared to live next door to people who appear to have finishing living their lives to any degree - and will probably spend the next twenty years telling me to shut up. Perhaps it is the sousaphone, the double bass, the 7 pianos, the full size drum kit, four guitars, 3 mandolins, the Swanee whistle, my best large maracas, 3 tambourines, 6 accordions, 7 penny whistles, a banjo mandolin, a saxophone, a set of large symbols, a violin and 8 ukeleles plus kazoos in various sizes, oh and the practice set of bagpipes that HE started learning one day after my daughter was born, which nearly became wrapped round his neck in a fit of temper nearly 16 years ago.

Meanwhile alongside my irritation with coming to terms with moving, combined with some excitement, my friend Dither's phoned up at the height of my being unwell and laid up - to inform me about her adventures on a recent Island near the Caribean. She took several planes and several boats and threw herself into a hair raising adventure, with another old neighbour of mine. Her attention to detail as she fed back her recent hairy scrapes in the middle of nowhere was better than any pharmaceutical application to feeling unwell.

Having arrived in a very hot climate and stepped off out of a minute 8 seater plane, where she had apparently spent a number of hours cross eyed, due to watching the dials in front of the pilot, she was swiftly ushered into a very unsubstantial looking boat, which for some reason contained a woman sitting in it holding an umbrella, with two panting pekineses - dogs quite literally over heated with their tongues hanging out. The boat then took off at quite a pace at which point, the long coats of the dogs became parted down the centre by the stiff sea breeze and the speed of their vessel, and apparently they took on the appearance of hairy caterpillars. Most surreal and tropical all at once. Once they had finished gliding through over laden mangroves complete with yapping and panting fur blown dogs. An island reminiscent of that one in Robinson Crusoe appeared, they had arrived.

Due to her jet lag, I have not had all the story yet, just a glimpse before she went off to bed to sleep off her adventures which took on the shape of keeping giant termites at bay, the whole island uninhabited apart from one house and several billion termites, various feisty crabs and and one over excited dog, and a trail of chickens who apparently walked all over the island from dawn to dusk in one clucking column. The main entertainment was watching the dog dig up the crabs.. as soon as he dug up one end they would flee out of a different hole and down into the sea and be out of the reach of the dog. Dithers spent two weeks hanging out here, reading, painting and drinking a vile concoction brewed out of old twigs and designed to aid weight loss. On one particular day the two women did swim to an island one hour away, apparently no sharks around at that time, but Dithers did say she had many dithering moments when she was aware of looming creatures in the depths below, but could not have goosebumps due to being already wet. Having finally arrived at the new island, they were met by a local woman who offered them afternoon tea, all most relaxed and civilized until a large monkey landed on her head and took up residence, one known for terrorizing guest to this particular locality. A first for her, drinking tea whilst wearing a large furry brown creature on her head, it left after it became bored with her with a cacophony of screeches and was last seen swinging through the trees clutching a variety of thieved snacks.

Meanwhile my lovely man has been doing batty things, making coffee in the tea pot, and telling me it was tea, inviting groups of people into the house and talking to them for hours with his flies undone - and generally being a really good sport, with Ms Grumpy Knickers herself. He also announced whilst standing with his feet at ten to two, that his work was piling up and he must get on with it and not be distracted. I spy with my little eye, yet another electrical piano key board being delivered followed by some very nice music emanating at some volume from downstairs. His office door had been snapped shut to deal with paper work, which appeared to have turned into some sort of very intense musical endeavor. Last night he took me out to a gig miles away.. the supporting band eclipsed my good intentions with water and orange juice and drove me to drink, I enjoyed several stiff brandies the main man very good. Lots of bearded men in the audience got over excited and started punching the air and joining in by playing long solos collectively on their air guitars. I was trussed up like last year's turkey in my fake fur coat watching from the wings and thoroughly enjoying actually having managed to get out and go on a date with my husband. I am so nosy, and noted lots of ladies with noses sticking through hair like curtains also jigging about.

Today was one of those days.. I was trying to be extra nice to estate agents strutting about my garden like peacocks on heat, salivating with their electronic tape measures. It is time for me to move I have started to fantasize about putting out a spoof parish newsletter, when I got as far as researching the type of paper used and print used, I realized how close I was to doing this. Also during one particularly awful night of no sleep, I felt it might nice if later in the year all pampas grasses in the area were snipped at the dead of night to perhaps bring on a Ms Marple style investigation... Wherever we go next, if I sell my house of over the top colours, will be an adventure even if it is only ten miles away.

I cooked a very good and fun dinner tonight but I am very bad tempered, literally worn out with being unwell, but there are still chinks of improvement with the LDN, and I hope with the help of the doctor applying this combined with Dr BDP and his guidance that I may soon be a tad improved.

The sun came out here today and I sat sprawled amongst the crocus tubs thinking that I must paint the next house ochre yellow.

Mary F x

32 Replies

  • Fabulous Mary. So funny and so exciting! Our fender and peavey amps along with electric guitars are our favourite weapon of choice to remind our neighbours we are alive and kicking!! X

  • GOOD:

    Mary F x

  • Brilliant once again :-) Was so pleased to see the sun today and yes ochre yellow is a great colour xx

  • Thanks, more sun tomorrow, perhaps x M x

  • My Steve used to play this when he was in a band many moons ago!

  • Good make him play it again immediately x MX

  • Brilliant Mary, I feel like I was on that swim with Dithers.

  • I hope you were not masquerading as one of those creatures underneath! MaryF x

  • No I reserve my Jaws impersonation for men in suits refusing me Erfa ;-) xxx

  • Yes! Mary F x

  • Oh please come and live next to me! X

  • Ha Ha... sisters in crime etc M x

  • dearest maryf [mrs slocombe], what more can be said....with all your health problems-----you are a legend-----keep up the good work you must be cheering so many others up that desperately need it. I don't care where you move to ....just make sure the broadband is up and running.....I just wish you and your 'mob' could be on a reality show it would be bound to beat any of the others out of sight.....I look forward with anticipation to the next episode..!!!!!

  • Thanks. I am sure my low budget soap opera will continue on it's merry way. Mary F x

  • as I've said before ....there is only one word that can be said Q U A L I T Y really are better than a lot of the meds that are dished out by some of the quacks that we on this site have to put up with.......take a bow girl YOU DESERVE IT [ as well as your brood ] you have my total respect lol alan

  • Ta. MaryFx

  • dont thank ..or ta me ....I mean every word....sorry if it took a while to come back to you --but--I was prepping the dinner and listening to eva Cassidy on the lap-top [ problem with the cd player ] ........[ simply eva is the best albumn ] ----what a talent lost !!!!!!!!!

  • Oh very funny, you should be on the stage! Oh but you nearly were!!! Harper

  • Yes, well I may be attempting to stage some sort of spring clean later! Mary F x

  • : ) Good for you! If this stuff is about life lessons and our task is to transcend the crap/drop it and so get clear you're well on the way. What else is possible in the end but to laugh?


  • Yes, well it beats the opposite, hands down. Mary F x

  • Another great blog. Oh how I feel for you in your quest to move house. My daughter put her house on market last year and has nearly had a nervous breakdown. So many twists and turns and back to square one ( first it was sold then it wasn't) , shame really as they found the perfect house that ticked all the boxes. Sadly he wasn't going to wait any longer so the hunt goes on. Hope you find the right place for you and the family, Hope you feel better soon too x

  • The last time I moved, I flogged the abode and went camping, with my stuff piled up in garages... if it comes to that will do it again. Mary F x

  • I will lay better odds than 'joe coral ' or any of the others that if any of us on this site were to go camping with you it would take at least 6 months to get over it -------------you give such a boost to the lady thinks your brilliant .........and she will not be the ONLY one.....don't forget to give ALL of your brood a massive hug from all of us--------'cause they do as much for you as you do for others >>>>hugs<<<<

  • Yes, such a great blog - am quite jealous of Dithers carribean adventure- sounds blissful.

    Also it's hard to think of you moving as I have a such a picture of your household in my head - gently chaotic, crowded and colourful with teetering log sheds and cats and noise everywhere! ( it's probably not like that at all) you're very brave to take it on - take good care of yourself. X

  • Thanks... it is very bright, and I guess you would describe it as organized chaos.. it flows nicely and people have a good time here, including the children. Keep well. Mary F x

  • Great blog lol. I've recently started to play the sax again, after a break of 6 years. I've yet to dare inflict it on my neighbours, and practise with a friend a safe distance away. (15 miles).We do duets,of which American Pie is one. I tend to get lost and come in for The Day the Music Died.

    Hope the house hunting goes well.

  • Ta and good for you, my daughter had bad lungs after mycoplasma pneumonia, I made her take up the sax and the inhalers were history after four months! Mary F x

  • i can recommend yellow ochre, i have just been mixing up a batch with lime to make paint for my living room and it looks lovely and sunny and cheerful, also as its lime it smells good to none of the plastic smell of modern paint :)

  • Good x

  • come and move in next to me! we only have two very noisy melodeans and a piano, the neighbours would love it !!?? wishing you well in your search for health, houses and happiness.

  • Thanks, love to you also. mary F x

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