Hey all just came back to work and university which has been helping me distract myself. Thank you all for the kind messages. Now I have a question. My mom was told she had multifocal invasive breast cancer, and they also told us it was a rare type. Oncologist says it is kind of random how she was checked and pet scan did not even manage to show a bit of anything on her breasts or chest region, it all came out well and clear. Anyways, the surgeon met with my mom and told her she could have half removed where the tumors are located. But if there was no clear margins she would need the mastectomy. Or just get it over with now and have the mastectomy. My mom says she is not ready to have a whole mastectomy, so I respect her decision. I just know this has all taken a toll on her these past weeks, and then she goes to dialysis and feels worst about everything. But she asks me for the better option and well I do not know! She is also afraid of any chemos or anything but I told her to just wait for the diagnosis after surgery since her estrogen responded to the test.
She also does not want to share this with people in my family since she says she does not want any pity from anyone(my family is like that). She says people would just treat her as if she was not the same. Again, I respect it. She mentioned she will say something until she knows what is fully going on, but for now she does not even want to think about it. How did you all do this?
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janeths466
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I initially had cancer just in my right breast...one pretty large tumor. I opted for the double mastectomy just to take the most conservative approach. I tend to err on the side of doing everything imaginable to improve my odds.
It's a very individual decision, and there are many women who've made a different choice. I ended up with metastatic disease in spite of my conservative stance, but the cancer was already in my lymph nodes at that time.
My sister was initially diagnosed the same time as I was, and she opted for a mastectomy only on the side that was affected. She, too, ended up with metastatic disease.
Do you know why she's reluctant to do the mastectomy? Yes, it hurts, and the surgery is a pretty big deal. And there are risks that come with any surgery, maybe especially if you have other medical issues. My visceral reaction at the time was to just get all breast tissue out of my body! Your mom's visceral reaction is different.
I obviously don't know what the right answer is and I won't even offer advice. But hopefully the bit of info/experience is helpful.
My mom had a Double mastectomy after getting breast cancer for the second time in one breast. The other had grown much larger due to radiation years prior. She did not want to go through reconstruction and though the scars were not pretty she looked great in shirred/ruffled tops for many years.
When your mom is ready to tell people, the one thing that has helped me is to start a blog on Caring Bridge. I invited the people who cared about me, and then instead of having to tell each individual how I was doing or what treatment, I just post a journal entry, and they can come read it if they want to. It helps because I only have to put it once and not tell each individual. I have 28 followers.
I had no choice, I had to have a mastectomy because the cancer was in two spots on opposite sides of my breast so a lumpectomy was not an option. Because they thought they had all the cancer, I did not have to have radiation or chemo afterward. I would have had to have radiation after a lumpectomy. On hindsight, which is always better of course, the radiation might have caught the microscopic unseen piece of cancer in my lymph nodes and it might not have metastasized. But that’s a lot of maybes. It’s hard to give advice about which surgery to have.
You sound much calmer! Keep at your normal life and keep being a great support to your mom. Elaine
So happy you are back to school and work. I wish your mom good luck with her decision. I can only say that I wish I had a double mastectomy my first time around.
Janeths, I think your Mom should do what she is most comfortable with. I have read that in most cases there isn't a difference in outcome. Your Mom should ask her oncologist what he/she thinks. I wish the best to your family. Blessings Hannah
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