I removed my post about the nasal spray. I am not here to get into arguments with anyone or squabble. I am here for support.
Removed post: I removed my post about... - SHARE Metastatic ...
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So sorry about this. I haven’t even read your post about nasal spray and was just about to read it but when I opened it, it said the post had been deleted.
Hi, so sorry you had this experience. I didn't read it so I don't know what happened. It seems all to easy to get into unintended arguments on many forums. In my experience on here it remains extremely unusual. I hope this hasn't put you off coming to our 'safe haven'. Sending best wishes for a Happy Sunday. xxx
Hi there
I’m afraid I didn’t see your post but I’m sad that you weren’t supported on here...shame
Barb xx
Thank you. I will take responsibility for my part in it as well. I did take offense to people in another post trying to tell me not to count on tumor markers when it’s my only way to know if anything is working, especially since they’re trending down, and it’s the only hope I have that the medication is working.
And also on this post being told to talk to my oncologist when I wasn’t seeking any advice. I think both happening made me a little defensive, and I angered someone. I will apologize for my part. I was going to leave the group, but I’m a grown woman and can get over it. I will try to be more careful and not offend back. Thank you for the support. I appreciate it.
Glad you're staying; you will find great support here. Like mama used to say, "eat the meat and spit out the bones", at the time I didn't realize that would become my mantra LOL <3 xo
in reply to Godbeforme
Hahaha — I love your mother’s expression. Thanks for sharing her humorous wisdom
Godbeforme in reply to
yw! be blessed! <3 xo
I missed the post. was it beyond healthy debate and banter? everyone is entitled to their opinion. but it's all about the tone & language used to express that opinion.
amen! me too! <3 xo
I did not see the post either but if someone disagrees with you or a suggestion you made, you can just scroll pass it. Not everyone is going to agree with what another person suggests or states and respond in a way that a person may want them to. So if someone does and you are not happy with it, just scroll past it. Some days we all are feeling more sensitive than on other days and we may read more into a reply than what is really there. Emails are hard to read sometimes and because we are not hearing the tone of someone's voice or seeing their face, we can interpret it another way.
in reply to kearnan
You are so right about emails not capturing intonations right. I resorted to emojis after a few times my daughter thought I meant something other than I intended. Some friends think emojis are silly — and they can seem that way. But at least in personal communication I err on including a smile or thumbs up.
Also, I just learned that millennials interpret a period punctuation at the end of a text as very abrupt. I laughed and wondered where the newsletter is ( note: no period at the end of that last sentence - ha)
kearnan in reply to
I have one up on you with periods. (First, I hate, hate emojis). I have friends (and I am 59 and they are around my age but they have kids} and I don't why but her whole response is one emoji. I said to her how hard is it to compose a sentence? Anyway, when I worked at this one law firm for whatever reason, I would type up an email like this ONLY within the firm and to my attorneys and paralegals. Never to a client. ( "So when the document is ready......and it wont be ready for a few hours.....I will then look for the exhibits. If are are willing to find them for me.....then we can file with Court within two hours. (I don't know why but for me it was like a pause in thought) until my female attorney told me she felt that they were angry periods (I was like What?). I said no...I always type short emails like that and I never heard of angry period grammar marks. LOL....) She mistook them as being angry.
Seriously though I do have a problem of letting my emotions show up on my face. So the partner I worked for was major bipolar. I was even told he was on new meds by other personnel in the NY office and that he was better than on his old meds when he pulled a phone out of the wall bc his then secretary would not get off.) He was still major bipolar to me. He would come in every day and you would not know if he would be super jolly, OR go into his office and close the door and not seen him all day (My favorite) OR come in so angry he would be looking for somebody to yell at. I had four attorneys, we had a system. They would email me in the am to ask if he was in and what level. A meant he was okay, B meant he was in his office with door shut and F meant you guys better get here fast because he is in your offices looking through your drawers and waiting for somebody to scream at.
One day at 10 to five, he came out of his office and brought me something (He always had these weird, not necessary projects for me to do.) So he started coming over to my desk and I'm thinking OMG...here we go. And he said Anne Marie, do you think I could come by your desk with work one day without you rolling your eyes? (I was rolling my eyes in my head I thought LOL).
I quickly said I am not rolling my eyes....I am exercising them. (The other two secretaries laughed hysterically and he looked at me hard for a minute and then laughed.) Whew!
Thank you all. Yes, I think I have been a little more sensitive this week. I’m feeling more tired than normal. I never have a problem admitting when I’m wrong, though. Lol. It may take me a day or two to come around. I agree that the tone in writing is much different than in person. I will try to scroll past when I don’t agree with something in the future. I’m always open to learning.
When I am feeling extra tired or feeling the effects of the Verzenio (I mean how many Imodium Ad can I take and still have diarrhea? ) It is depressing bc I do not drive, live alone, have no one to drive me and I find myself getting scared to leave the house bc of an accident and this is with taking Imodium and waiting a while to make sure it kicks in. I have a long walk to catch a bus (I was desperate to get out yesterday) and halfway down one avenue, I thought it was going to happen but I managed to survive it. Having a really tough time trying to control it and I feel myself developing a fear of being too far from my apt. or on a bus. But I am forcing myself. (Plus, I do have horrible eating habits, always did). So my onco is going to refer me to a nutritionist. ) I never eat vegetables and never will. I did have a Caesar salad at home the other day and boy was that a mistake. Worst thing to eat when you have severe diarrhea. So now trying to eat rice. Its crazy...a few days severe diarrhea, and then I am taking 2-3 Imodium at once and then feeling constipated for a few which is unpleasant and it is not something I can discuss with my friends. As we all know, they think I look great and not sick at all. LOL
So I was in a rotten mood, bc I live alone and have no body to vent to so I find myself getting snarky with emails from friends and then realize I need to calm down bc it is my issue and they did not thing to deserve my anger on that particular day. So now I try, when I am feeling extra tired and depressed, NOT to respond to anyone's emails because I am angry and will just lash out to someone who does not deserve it. I will then apologize but sometimes it cannot be taken back so I have learned NOT to answer any emails that I know I am not going respond nicely. We are human. That other person may have had a bad day also.
I use my sense of humor alot otherwise I would go insane from the reality.
I’m so sorry you’re going through all of that. I can’t even imagine how hard it is. You give good advice. Take a day or two and sit on it. I am one who tends to react a little more quickly than I should and take things personally. I hope things get better for you. This is all so new to me, as I was just diagnosed in May. Trying to navigate is tough.
Believe me I do the same. When I am not feeling well, I get very angry and upset and since I live alone I have no one to vent on so if a friend emails me and I get upset about something in the email, I tend to go off and then the next day regret it. I wish there was a 24 hold on emails LOL.......
I even find myself getting nasty on the street. One of my major pet peeves is people that are texting when walking and not paying attention to where they are walking and bump into me. I will see Look where you are walking...obviously you are incapable of walking and texting at the same time.
Sometimes I am OMG...I am becoming that mean older woman that as teens we would say we would never grow up to be. So I try to be more careful about what comes out of my mouth or in emails because I can go from being perfectly calm to being totally outraged in less than five seconds (I had this before cancer LOL...it just got worse).
Soon to be 60 in January and I am still a work in progress
We sound a lot alike. You don’t happen to be the baby of the family, do you?
Far from it. I had an older 1/2 sibling put up for adoption before I was born (recently came across him on that darn ancestry.dna kit.) Was NOT a good idea. I also have a younger full brother that was put up for adoption. I only lived with my mother for four years of age and she died in childbirth with her next baby at age of 26. I knew about both my adopted siblings (I assumed correctly that they did not know about me.) I then lived with my paternal grandmother who then died a year later, then shoved around to different relatives of my bio father, and then I was moved to live with my paternal grandmother's brother and his wife and they had two children and I was the middle child. They all had blonde hair, blue eyes and then me with my dark hair and olive skin LOL Biggest mistake I made was doing that dna kit. My older (and he is a 1/2 sibling, same mother) and my younger one would be a full sibling. I found the older sibling on the dna test and he was happy and so excited (he is 62) to find out what he had hoped for that he had a sibling. Unfortunately, I look at it different. I did not want to develop a relationship but be friends. I mean quite seriously other than sharing the same mother we have nothing else in common. Basically, we are strangers. I was FAR FAR from spoiled. It was a weird childhood. I know nobody from my mother's family nor do I even have a photo of her. The 1/2 brother I found (he is 62) wants to develop a relationship. I do not. I said we could be good friends and email. It was a door that I had always planned to keep shut bc I knew of them but figured they did not know about me. I found this out about three weeks ago. Way too much stress for me to deal with. This is what happens when you open Pandora's box. At least I was able to give him our shared mother's death certificate so he has her name, date of birth, date of death. So that is more information than he had before. He has been doing his history search for years. I regret opening this door but I did it, but I feel at least he got some information. I just cannot suddenly bond with a stranger. I apologized but said I cannot be what you want me to be and what you hoped would have happened if you found a sibling. (Both the 1/2 (born 1958) and myself born 1960 were born out of wedlock, but my paternal grandmother made my father marry my mother after I was born (things were different then.) I was the keeper of the secrets. I never had any plans to seek either one of them out. But I did that stupid DNA test out of curiosity and he came up immediately.
in reply to kearnan
I like an AA saying one of my brothers told me to remind me I’m still not a finished product: God’s not dine with me yet.
I am working on it too
kearnan in reply to
All of us are flawed. Sometimes I have to laugh at myself as I now see myself as I did when I was young and used to look at older people and think I will never be like that. And now I am LOL.....mind feels young, the body constantly reminds me I am not LOL
I have had similar insights "forced" on me by living and coping with this "new normal" package. I think, and I hope, I have grown as a person and come to really understand my triggers and how my way of being in the world wasn't always the most productive or insightful. Wisdom has been thrust upon me! Although always a work in progress. I bite my tongue and hold my opinions much more than I used to, and I find it's a good thing. I read something the other day that helps me deal with difficult people or situations that are difficult, "I could be that person." You don't know where someone else has been, where they are going, or where they are in the moment. It isn't an easy practice, and it's easier and often much more satisfying to cut loose, but who loses really? And sometimes someone is offering insight we don't want to hear. I've learned to put it down and revisit it if it's really important. One big disclaimer: this is the stuff I TRY to do. However, hard to change 65 years of being me.
This will be a work in progress for me. I’m 58, so it is hard to change my ways.
Yes it is and we are all so much more raw and vulnerable. Easier to contemplate the really big issues when you are younger and in great health, when the prospect of death is fiction that happens to other people. We are here to bootstrap one another. I think it shows incredible character that you were able to regroup, calm down, and consider another way of handling the situation. I’m glad you didn’t leave. There is no other place like this virtual space. Other opinions are just that. They don’t invalidate you. Respect and kindness. I watched a talk by a zen nun who said when you’re in a bad place, practice compassion towards another sentient being. Compassion crowds out negativity. And with that, I descend my soap box and return to 🌍 Earth! Have a great week everyone.
Thank you so much. You are all so amazing and forgiving. It means a lot. I truly will try to think before I act from now on. I always thought my mom was a little crazy at how nice she was to people. I think she just understood you truly do get more with honey than with vinegar. You have a great week too.
Please don’t beat yourself up. I’ve said atrocious things in retrospect. And I’m sure I will again despite my best efforts. My mother was the epitome of social grace. I did not inherit that gene 👻
I'm 59. I cant believe in January I will be 60. But I had alot of fun in my 20s and 30s, traveled alot in my 40s so I was blessed with good health for so many years (never even slept overnight in a hospital). Rarely, if ever, went to a doctor. So if I had to get this disease, at least I got to enjoy my childhood, and young adult years and travel and got it at an age where I am better equipped to handle it and grateful that I had good health for as long as I did.
I remember being about 15. I was going with my best friend to her house and she told me that her mother was very upset and had been crying because a good friend of her has died. So we get to my friend's house and mother is all teary-eyed and I said "Elaine, I am so sorry about your friend. How old was she?" (Didn't know what else to say.). She said "She was only 47." (And in my 15 year old head, I'm thinking, well geez, she was 47, I mean that is kind of old.) LOL......
Imagine I truly thought 47 was old and that is should be no surprise if somebody died at that age.
I am who I am by now and my friends accept me as they too have their faults that I also accept. I am a realist and all my friends would say I am 100% pessimistic. My life experiences have shown me that. I never see things in shades of gray. To me it is either white or black which is why I never would spend a penny on buying a book about cancer, NOR would I ever try some new fad or eating routine. I hate taking pills as it is and am not about to take all these extra pills or supplements (although I do now take calcium bc it went in my spine (was and is in my lungs) to strengthen the bones. I never took a vitamin in my life. Unless there is a study and it is FDA approved (which we know doesn't mean too much bc sometimes years later, they find other symptoms of the drug.).
I don't read articles about cancer, I do not go to seminars, etc. I try to give cancer the time I have to go it when at the cancer center and taking my meds, but other than that. I don't think about it or watch shows about it. That is how it works for me.
Thank you so much, girlsptz. I really do appreciate everyone here and realize we are here to prop each other up. I feel a lot better, and I’m glad I didn’t leave. Sometimes you just have to talk it out. Your post is so appreciated.
I another one that didn’t see your post. Glad you are ok and still with us.
Clare xx
KMBL_ in reply to
Thank you, Clare. I appreciate it so much.
I didn't see your post but as everyone has said don't let that incident keep you from being on here. We all have our moments. I have noticed of late that I can be just fine and the next minute a total grump. These meds that we're all on really mess with our hormones.
My late husband was a laryngectomy so our only way of communication was through written word. If he had written something really important he insisted I read it out loud so that he was sure I was reading his message as intended. I can't tell you how many times I interpreted the message wrong.
Take Care and stay with us. I am truly blessed to have "met" these ladies here. They are all my life line in this mess of a life that we now have.
Have a great day
Robin🌹
Thank you, Robin. I’m on my off week of my med, and I definitely feel grumpier and more tired than normal. My poor husband gets the brunt. I try to tell him it may not be me per se. I think he feels he is reverting back to when I had PMS. 🤦🏻♀️ Poor guy.
I have a gentleman friend and he gets the brunt of my grumpiness. I am always apologizing. My late husband would tell me when I had PMS which was horrible to "go take a chill pill".😊 Glad your husband is patient.
Robin🌹
Lol. Oh, mine had a habit of saying, “Are you PMS-ing?” Talk about making it worse.🤣
I would love for men to get PMS. They have no idea. I have watched those videos where they put these pads on men's abdomens so that they can experience the pangs and contractions of childbirth and they are hysterical. The man are screaming like wimps.
Well, she values and asked for your opinion. It was honest and succinct. Nothing wrong with that!
I did read your post. I didn’t comment but read some of the early replies which were all fine. I wanted you to know that I stopped using my nasal spray (allergies) and my mouth sores have improved—almost healed. It was just the info I needed. Thanks. I love this site
That’s great Bayb. It’s amazing how some things cause more harm than good. I’m going to ask the ENT if she knew about this next time or if I see her again.
For those who didn’t read my post, I will say I posted an article that talked about nasal sprays with a certain preservative in it that lessens the neutrophils in the nose.
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