When you first read what is written you read it and it means one thing and then when you read it a second time, it means something else and usually that second time of reading the meaning is completely and utterly different to your first read's meaning! Perhaps that is Irish but perhaps not, so to try to explain:-

I have been a member of this forum a couple of times but due to age and senility (ha ha he he!) I have had to re-invent myself as Ifeelfine because I can't remember my previous names and even if I could, I can't remember the password or passwords but this time, that won't be a problem as it's now written down so as long as I remember where I have written it, there won't be or shouldn't be a problem. LOL

Both as a member and as a 'guest', I've read a helluva lot on here but obviously when not signed on as a member, certain posts are not accessible but no matter, the majority of reading has been, in the main, somewhat interesting but definitely thought provoking.

I read something last night wherein when member says that they feel like they are intruding on a private party and I have to, in all honesty, say that I agree with that comment.

To say that there are new members joining every day, it seems to me that with the odd exception, new members either just post the once and then vanish never to be heard from again or they just don't post at all. Now I know there may be some that don't want to post as they are happy and content to just read but I am thinking perhaps they don't post because like the member yesterday, they feel as if they are intruding or interrupting a private conversation.

Looking at the posts, it does seem as if it is the same members every and all the time that either start a post, type a re-post or reply to another's post and perhaps I have got this wrong but I don't think so.

Yes, we are all here to help each other but there does seem or appear to me to be a 'do you wanna be in my gang' feel for this particular forum and if you're not in with 'that crowd', then there does seem to be a definite 'you are not welcome' feeling coming your way.

Like the member said yesterday, maybe it is me but I don't think so. Perhaps it is me that is completely and utterly wrong but again, I don't think so.

It just seems exceptionally strange to me that the more I look at and think about the posts that are on here, the more it seems that it is 99.75% of the time the same people who either start or reply with just the odd 1 or maybe 2 different names appearing occasionally if at all.

In truth, what I have said doesn't really matter because the whole point of this site is to help people quit smoking and as long as that is achieved what does it really matter who does or doesn't post.

I am fairly confident that there are some that don't care whether or not they post or who posts but I for one, providing of course I do not get thrown off the forum for writing this, will be very interested to read any of the comments/replies that this post receives - one never knows though, perhaps there won't be a single one but time will tell!

I wish everyone a wonderful smoke free Saturday.


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44 Replies

  • Hi Ifeelfine,

    I'm sorry for you that you feel this way.

    As you rightly say, anybody can comment, start a post, reply to a post or just read without taking part in any conversation etc.

    All members are more than welcome to take part as they choose to.

    I really think that it is unfair to say that you have to be part of 'that crowd' to engage. I suppose though that this is a personal feeling and i am sad to hear that anybody would feel this way.

    The members that that do contribute openly offer sound advice and support to those that choose to accept it.

    I have no reason at all to 'throw you off' our / your community or delete this post as you have merely expressed how you are feeling.

    However, I would ask that you consider your contribution to the community and try and see that it is in a positive and helpful manner.

    This community is as much your community as anybody else's and it is hoped that we keep it as helpful, happy and respectful as possible.

    I would also ask that other members who may have taken the time to read this, to please also consider any consequences that may arise from replying in a negative manner.

  • Hi EmJay

    I'm afraid this member is referring to something I wrote last night. I was feeling down and wanted to post but felt that I was intruding. As I said last night I was probably over reacting but I do find it hard sometimes. It certainly wasn't my intention to cause any bad feelings. As I have said before this site has helped me tremendously in the past and would hope that it can continue that way?

    Beth xx

  • Hi Beth, dont you feel all this is because of you , as we all know it certainly isnt. We all find it hard sometimes when a conversation is on going , Best way is to just join in even if you didnt start the conversation, nobody on here minds . The more the merrier. :)

  • Beth, you and all are welcome on this lovely quit site gal, you comment as and when you feel :) :)

    Its as simple as that Beth :)

    But there are some people that dont like us having a bit of fun along the flippin hard rocky trail that we quitters have :o Because it is hard as you well know Beth.

    Thats because they dont know how flippin hard it is to quit the smokes, because they havnt tried it :o But Beth, we do know how hard it is dont we.

    Pete :) xx

  • Hi Beth how have you found the weekend? I was ok yesterday as busy.... But struggling today a bit! X

  • Hey Ifeelfine, I agree totally that there is a tight bunch of friends on here, but I never pinned this community to be "cliquey". I see this as a very open and friendly place where everyone is doing their best to help one another kicking the smoking habit.

    Sure there's the odd in-joke flying around, some people have been friends here for 2 years or more and chat to one another on a daily basis so that's something that is common for anywhere you go.

    One sure way to stop feeling like an outsider is to jump in, chat, get involved. I appreciate some people just want to read the forum and not get involved but I suspect they are content not being one of the group because they haven't put themselves IN the group, if that makes sense?

    Sending you a big hug because it's awful knowing you feel this way, no one here would want you to feel excluded.

  • Hi KATH,

    Your still around then !!

  • Been called a lot of names in my time and usually they are not very nice but Kath I think is a nice name but regret that it isn't mine! If it pleases you then by all means feel free to call me that but my name is actually Anne.

  • Anne, I deeply apologise to you gal.

    I'm very sorry Anne, but a few months ago now, there was a Lady that posted just like you, and, well she upset quite a few of the lovely members on here !!

    Please accept my apologies.


  • Apology accepted Mr. Pete and no harm done.

  • May I ask you Anne, what you mean by this sentence ??

    Yes, we are all here to help each other but there does seem or appear to me to be a 'do you wanna be in my gang' feel for this particular forum and if you're not in with 'that crowd', then there does seem to be a definite 'you are not welcome' feeling coming your way.

  • I was new quite recently and just jumped it. Nothing to be lost by doing that. Sure sometimes there's a comment or joke I don't understand but that's life eh?

  • Difficult to explain really but I do feel that I am 'listening in' on a conversation between a group of friends and because I don't know anyone in the group, I feel excluded and feel that it would be extremely rude of me to join in.

  • Some of us have been on this site when it first started, like jillygirl, Andi22 and myself, sooooo you get to become friends along the way :) :) So whats wrong with that ?

    Jillygirl is very nearly 2 Years quit now, but stays on the site to help others :) same as Andi22, she's about 18 Months quit now, I am still on the hard and rugged quit trail :(

  • There is nothing wrong whatsoever with being friends - well done to those who have been quit so long and as you are on the 'hard and rugged quit trail' it just shows that not everyone can quit at their first attempt although no one should ever stop trying - it can be done that is a fact!

  • Hear hear gal :)

  • You may not be a year quit, or two years, but you WILL be hon. xxx

  • :) :) :) xxx

  • Anne, just join in. That's what I did and what others did. Yes there are close friends on here, but they aren't scary and will welcome newbies

  • I know what you are saying Hun, but just elbow your way in like I did lol... Everyone is friendly x

  • Anne, you also put these in your post :-

    1 - Looking at the posts, it does seem as if it is the same members every and all the time that either start a post, type a re-post or reply to another's post and perhaps I have got this wrong but I don't think so.

    Anybody can post or comment, ermmmm, What do you mean about a ( re-post ) ??

    Or this comment ;-

    2 - Like the member said yesterday, maybe it is me but I don't think so. Perhaps it is me that is completely and utterly wrong but again, I don't think so. ??

    Sooooo, you dont read the reply's then !!


  • Of course I read the reply's and there are many times when I read them over again because what they say doesn't always 'gel' the first time.

    What is it exactly that you want me to say Mr. Pete - that I am in the wrong? That what I wrote was not correct? That what I wrote was silly, stupid and not true?

    I wrote what I felt - in my mind and heart and if I offended you by so doing, then I do apologise as it was not my intention to offend anyone at all. They were my thoughts and my feelings and perhaps I would have been better keeping my thoughts and feelings to myself as I have done in the past because I never, ever in my wildest imagination, expected this to be the outcome of my post.

    It would seem that you are attacking me because of what I wrote and I think it best that I do not respond to you any more as I feel that your aim is to place me in a situation that will definitely not be nice and that you will not be content until you have achieved this.

    I do so hope that your journey gets easier as time goes by and I wish you success in your quit.


  • Anne, Anne, I am not attacking you at all gal, But, am trying to find out WHY, WHY, you were getting at my friends and I in your post ??

  • Why dont ya leave the lass alone, is it an inquisition ? Not surprised folks dont stay on this forum for long with old women like you on it. Its not for me, i,ll quit on my todd, you,d drive anyone to smoke.


  • Yup, this is going too far. This has crossed the line and has become very offensive. This is a place for like-minded supportive folks to help one another, and this sort of verbal abuse is counter-productive.

    Don't let the door hit you on the butt on the way out.

  • :D :D :D

  • Hi ifeelfine, so very sorry you are feeling excluded, nobody on here would want anyone to feel that way at all, we are all friends on the same journey and you are most welcome as is anyone. welcome to this wonderful community who all help,one another x

  • Anne, 6 days ago, you commented on this post --

    Saw this interesting article in the paper this week, which I thought might interest people. !!

    Didnt I or anybody else welcome you to this forum ? didnt we chat to you ?

    This was the post that Kath appeared in :o and then quickly deleted herself :o

  • Wow, there's more drama here than on telly.

  • Love it ! :D :D :D

  • Why is it that we have new members join us on the site , and leave us within hours or minutes of joining. What is the point. This site is supportive and friendly and as far as I am concerned it saved my life. (different long story) so if I can help and have good friends like Pete ,all the better. Nobody is out to cause bother on here and if they are then they are welcome to talk to themselves.

  • I'm saying very little as I don't want to offend anyone but I'm so bloomin(being terribly polite here!!!) mad I could quite cheerfully spit.I agree with Lenne,Jilly and Pete,this is and ALWAYS has been a place of support and friendship.If others choose to look at it differently then I'm really sorry.It's up to an individual wether they post or not and it seems to me that if you check the list of newbies on a,weekly basis VERY few actually post ANYTHING at all. I personally don't see the point of joining a site and not contributing thoughts and ideas.Surely that's the idea behind a 'supportive community'(clue is in the name!!!)

    It seems to me Ifeelfine that any posts you have made have been answered with nothing but gratitude and support I therefore fail to see how you can criticise anyone or anything on here.

    I've rattled on more than intended so I'm off to calm down,if I still smoked I would have a cig !! but I guess that's not allowed is it :) : ) : )

  • I gotta ask, how does one cheerfully spit? Did make me giggle :D

  • Sadly true. Think could be a result of usernames and only the confident and experienced forum users feel comfortable. By using they of course bond. Know I need but will come back with a different user name and hopefully by then it won't feel like intruding on a party.

  • Sky Hun you don't need to change user name!!!! Just post :) x

  • Wow as a newbie on here I'm gobsmacked!!! Anne I'm sorry you're feeling this way. If you take the time you'll find that everyone on here is extremely welcoming! The support I have found is amazing and is making life a hell of a lot easier. Obviously there are some very close bonds here and so often I love just sitting back and watching the banter unfold. If I feel the urge to add to this banter I am NEVER MADE TO FEEL LIKE IM INTERRUPTING! And I have to yell pretty loud cos I'm wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy down here in Tasmania!

    Life is what you make it love......... These are good good people.....albeit a little whacky at times haha.....but damn good kind hearted people and I for one am eternally grateful for the understanding, friendship and support that I have found in my short time here.


    Mardi xxx

  • Lenne 're the spitting (yuck!!),It was something my mum used to say when she was really mad at us.Her saying was' I'm so cross with you I could quite cheerfully spit'!! As I got older it evolved to I'm spitting tin tacks tho think I heard/read that somewhere.Never been too sure how you spat cheerfully tho' : ) x Helen

  • Never heard that saying before really funny going to try and drop that into a conversation this week love it!

  • It's a brilliant saying, I love it! xxx

  • Hmmmm as one of the newest members here I did worry slightly as everyone seemed to know each other ..... So I just joined in, yup slightly awkward the first time but got such a fab warm welcome that I realised there is no gang, just some people are more pro active and join in and others prefer to watch and absorb. We are all different but even as a newbie I try and engage with everyone I guess communication is a 2 way street, like in the real world :)

    I can't thank everyone enough for their support, from the people that reply every time to the "popper byers"

    I think we are all friendly but until someone actually posts we can't welcome them as we don't know they are there! One of my fave sayings .... My balls are hairy not crystal.... Get my drift :)

    So please don't feel left out if you are reading this and want to join in, say hi after the post and we can all get to know each other :)


  • Al, good to see you,Kaprin,you so made me smile flower,PLEASE let me know if you managed to drop that one into conversation.Just make sure that someone doesn't wind you up first tho.3 months quit is a real reason to celebrate so as it's Sunday I'll do the happy dance for you !! WELL done. H x

  • I haven't noticed a clique or little group on here, I just joined and started nattering on and people nattered back.

  • Think some of us have more time to spend on here and so appear a lot more active than others, I am lucky my job means I am on line all day unsupervised lol so I usually have the site open all day :) naughty but hey lol!! So obviously like others always morning on the new day posts etc. never felt unwelcome in fact actually I couldn't have got where I am without you all. And yeah it appears some people are good friends... Of course it does, as humans we seek out those who have been or are in similar circumstances, and god knows the trials and traumas of stopping smoking brings us closer together as no one judges your crazy rants or weak moments. Until folk start joining in things can't change, it's a catch 22. We chat, so get to know each other, but folk think it is too cliquey, or don't chat and then no one joins in as it looks like the site isn't used!! Hmmmm I have posted as a newbie to ask other newbies to say to me and not really had much take up..... Which makes me wonder if actually the majority of folk prefer to watch.

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