HELP!!

[simba196]

Well tried but failed again miserably. Tried all the suggestions by Emjay and kept on track for one day then crashed. I have the e-cig and lozenges but don't give me the same as cigs. Know I haven't got the willpower needed but do need to stop. Keep looking at Jillygirl's post and know I have to do this. Any suggestions welcomed. Thank you sue c x

[EmJay Partner]

Good Morning SimbaSue

How about you just go back to basics and keep it simple? A couple of questions to get started;

1. How many did you smoke yesterday?

2. How many of those did you actually enjoy? Be honest here, you may say it was all of them, it may have been just a few.

3. What is your top reason for wanting to stop?

4. What do you feel is the biggest challenge (other than staying stopped) for you whilst quitting?

Willpower is not necessarily something that everyone has, however it is something that can be worked on and can be built up. You do have some form of will power and motivation, this is evident in the fact that you are still here and still wanting to stop.

You haven't failed miserably, you're just learning how to do it properly

[simba196 18 Months Winner in reply to EmJay]

Thank you I smoked about 20.I seems to be a vicious circle smokee because I am stressed the cig takes it way but I know they cause stres so then get stressed again. I want to stop having breast cancer is bad enough and dont want any more anywhere else. Need a strategy to deal with stress. Thank you sue c x

[Hidden]

Haven't posted before and not been a member long but would respectfully suggest that the first thing you do is stop telling yourself that you haven't the willpower - negativity must be replaced by positivity - you most certainly DO have the power to do this.

I was like you and thought that I couldn't stop but thinking that way did me no good whatsoever - in actual fact, I have since realised that this thinking meant that I was defeated before I'd even started.

It was not easy I grant you but I decided that I would take control of my life and just keep telling myself that I could and would do this and that I didn't need cigarettes to live my life how I wanted.

By thinking positive, I personally feel that you're fit for the fight because if you really, really want to change then the power must and does come from within yourself.

[simba196 18 Months Winner in reply to Hidden]

Thank you I know that you are right about positivity. I have never been a positive person.cup always half empty. I have taken everything on board and found your post very useful.thank you sue c x

[Hidden in reply to simba196]

Glad to have been of some help. Sure you know by now that the first fews days are not good at all but to help myself I just kept repeating over and over in my head:-

I can do this, I will do this, I am doing this and I am smoke free.

It does get easier honestly but what it comes down to is you have to tell yourself that you can and will stop no one can do that for you.

I wish you success on your journey.

[simba196 18 Months Winner in reply to Hidden]

Thank you i will.try to be more positive and remember your kind words best wishes sue c

[Hidden in reply to simba196]

I'm with you on the cup always half empty, mines always totally empty Seriously though, just like introverts and extroverts I'm of the opinion that its the same with positivity and that it tends to be something you are or you're not and no amount of being told to be positive helps. It's like telling the introvert to stand up in front of lots of people and give a speech, or the poor kid who always gets on their school report "must join in more in class discussion" if they can't, they can't and no amount of pushing is going to change that. I just feel that is the way it is with positivity v. negativity, you can't change a persons natural leanings, it's just the way they were made. It's why some people thrive and make a business out of anything while others fail, no matter how good their skills are.

I'm one of the most negative, mistrustful people you could ever meet but I've managed to stay stopped. I've absolutely no idea how I've managed to get this far but I have and it certainly has nothing to do with positivity. I still don't have that euphoric feeling, I'm not proud and I don't think I've done a particularly good thing, in fact more often than not I wish I'd never bothered but there's just something there in the back of my mind that tells me smoking is a mugs game. And that's about the only thing that keeps me going through each day, that and the fact that I know deep down that I would still be a miserable, cantankerous old bugger if I went back to smoking and that it certainly wouldn't make anything any better really. I'm always ranting and tanting or frantically worrying about something but now I always think to myself, God, how many cigs would I have smoked worrying/yelling about this, that and the other.

I hope this helps Sue, someone said no one can stop smoking for you or words to that effect (sorry am trying to watch Corrie at the same time) and that is very true. You just need to find something deep down somewhere that every time you're tempted to throw in the towel and have a ciggie, something appears and says NO it won't solve the current problem, have a lozenge. OK so am addicted to lozenges now, but I keep hoping that eventually I'll be off on a rant about something and I'll just forget to have a lozenge. They do work Sue, honest, especially the 4mg.

[simba196 18 Months Winner in reply to Hidden]

Thank you I felt I was the only negative person as everyone seems very positive about this journey. I have tried the 2 mg tablets so think I will go and buy some of the 4, that may help. Thank you your words have struck a cord and that helps. Best wishes Sue c x

[EmJay Partner]

Hi thisisme, never a truer word spoken

Positivity is an absolute must, even more so at the time when the person least feels like it!

It's lovely to hear how motivated you are, I am a great believer in the power of positivity. It can have such a great impact on our lives

[jillygirl Administrator Queen Bee]

Hi Simba Sue, You CAN do it love, just have faith in yourself. Nobody finds it easy, but its certainly worth fighting for. Your nothing without your health. Just keep on practicing. You haven't failed you just haven't mastered how to do it yet. take care and think positive. Come on here and scream we honestly don't mind.

[simba196 18 Months Winner in reply to jillygirl]

Thank you jillygirl I keep reading your post about your journey and know I need to stop but find this whole cancer thing so frightening and always think has it spread which leads to stress which then results in a cigarette it is a vicious circle. Thank you for your support sue c x

[EmJay Partner]

Sue, I've popped up a new post about how stopping smoking is a journey. I think you may find it helpful, have a little look and see what you think

We'll help you to get to where you want to be, it won't happen over night but we're with you all the way

[andi22]

Hey Sue, you CAN do it, with a little help from your friends.

[simba196 18 Months Winner in reply to andi22]

Thank Andi can't believe how supportive people are on this site, it is much appreciated, thank you sue c x

[monky Administrator Cake sniffer outer]

Aup Sue C

Well for one thing gal, I know how hard it is for you, living with another smoker, but thats not your problem really ! your problem is -- you havnt got any confidence in yourself gal

You have to believe in yourself, be confident, be sure and positive that you want to quit I found it really hard tonight when I got home from work, it was a craving after craving, so I got on my old rowing machine, and I didnt half give it some flippin hammer gal

I am now positive, confident and stress free, am ready to fight anything put in front of me So you see I found that vigorous exercise gets rid of my stress, I did not neeeeeeeeeeed a fag to get rid of my stress

So you see Sue C you have to find something to beat the stress, something to get rid of it !! like go get a spade and did the flippin weeds up !! give something a bashing gal !! but not hubby eh

Most of all, dont be hard on yourself, cos we are all human and as you know we make mistakes not like computers eh so you just get yourself sorted and ready for next time

Pete xx

[simba196 18 Months Winner in reply to monky]

Thanks Pete I was trying but it doesn't help as you righty say having another smoker in the house Good suggestion about rowing machine I have one under the bed that never gets used, will get it out and if I can't beat NIC will at least get fit! Thank you Sue c x

[veecatz 2 YEAR WINNER]

Oh you poor thing . . . and I mean that - honestly. We are experts at beating ourselves up - in fact no one can better us at self criticism!!! I have found that being kind to me really is more helpful, bet you wouldn't dream of giving me grief time and time again because I didn't stop on the first occasion!!! Likewise - I left it too late to avoid the Big C, but am not beating myself up with 'only if's' and self anger at not doing it sooner. I finally did it before diagnosis by 1. setting a stop date(no excuses like freds birthday - the cats anniversary etc) 2. I decided to substitute the most memorable ones (1st of the day - after meals - etc - you'll know the ones that matter) - these, for me were the backbreakers!) - Use ur e cig or vapouriser for the first one deffo. then I tried to see how long I could actually keep using it til I wanted a real one. As long as you are cutting down up to ur stop date - then have your other non memorable ones as normal. As you get nearer to stop date - replace the non memory ones with the vapourisor/NRT, my bed time one was the best and that was the last one I allowed myself before the stop date. I also found that the nrt mist spray gave me one hell of a hit when nowt else did.

Yes - some will power comes into it - because once I had stopped I promised I would not take that first puff of anyone elses. If you don't take that first drag - you will never smoke again - for one minute, second at a time!!. Now that I am swamped with hospital appts, I have found myself much less stressed because my life would've been spent extremely stressed trying to find some way to get to a fag - then of course stinking of em in the hospital waiting room. Stress is very hard - and Emjay will have pointed you in the direction of breathing exercises etc. There are many ways to deal with it - but ready armed to deal with it is better. Like druggies and alcoholics they drink and 'use' to combat their feelings and 'stress'. ordinary joe blogs who doesn't smoke drink/do drugs solves their stress in other ways. They don't turn to drugs and fags and booze at 8am to deal with it!!. We are nicotine addicts, so expect some withdrawal, but divert your attentions til the next time. You are coming off a drug! so be kind but firm!! I really hope that you find something useful in my wafflings that may help. It IS worth doing, despite it being a bit late for me - It has made me more determined to stay stopped!!! SMOKERS ARE NOW IN THE MINORITY

[veecatz 2 YEAR WINNER]

Hi Su - just wanted a ps to my wafflings - don't you just hate it when someone looks you in the eye and says on the lines "used to smoke 200 a day and stopped - just like that(usually flicking fingers as they speak)

Just read Petes reply - sounds like another smoker in ur house mmmmmh - do they love ya enough to do the decent thing and smoke outside, keep fags and ashtrays away etc - after all - them that don't wanna try - are usually full of fear that they will fail. Back to the old be kind to yerself, and fearful active smoker will be secretly pleased at a close ones failure because it relieves them of the need to stop immediately. Believe me - I've done that one too - very glad my partner friend failed because I could carry on smoking!!! Tee Hee Vee xxx

[simba196 18 Months Winner in reply to veecatz]

Thank you Vee it is not waffle at all. I found it very inspiring and cannot believe your kindness in replying with all that you are going through at the moment. I will try your suggestions and try to be more confident in my ability to stop. All my best wishes are sent to you for your jouney to beat the big C you beat nicmnd you will beat cancer. Lots of cyber hugs coming your way sue c xx

[Eye_]

Hi Everyone,

I have just through this thread and I have to say you are all providing such brilliant and knowledgeable advice to each other, I cant add anything further as you have covered it all!

We know there are lots of people who come onto the forum just to read but don't post yet will be helped by your advice.

Veecatz you are so right, don't waste effort beating yourself up about what's done and gone, get on with dealing with today and making the most of being smokefree.

Eye