Isn’t it funny how sometimes one thinks that we are immune to something? That nothing anyone can say and anything that they do, can hurt us. We all have an inner defence mechanism - we have to have to survive life’s knocks and bumps and so forth and I really believed that my defensive walls were impregnable but oh, a fact of life which should have been learned long ago but obviously wasn’t, well not by me anyway, means that my walls are teetering so far that something oh so minor could bring them crashing down on me.
Life is definitely, positively not easy but mine has been easier than some but harder than others and believe it or not, even with unstable walls, I do count my blessings. How does one compare knocks? With great difficulty because what hurts one person may not necessarily have any affect whatsoever on another. There are people who just ‘go with the flow’ and no matter what happens they carry on regardless whether they are hit for six or they have a victory, they live their lives as they have always done. There are others who just cannot cope with either good or bad, it affects them so deeply, and can, in some circumstances change their lives for ever. Life’s knocks and victories, no matter how small or big, are different for every single person and do therefore have differing effects.
Take me for example, I thought nothing and no one could get to me or affect me in any way, shape or form but it just proves how wrong you can be when I look at myself at this moment in time in a mirror, I look not only older than my years but also feel absolutely ancient. As someone who has spent a lot of years building barriers; walls; nay, even installing a moat to name but a few, they, for all their solidity, were breached and unable to stop this attack. There is an old saying that you can choose your friends but not your family and this is so true.
There are some that would say I am too sensitive or should that be insensitive? Not sure but there are others who would say ‘payback time’ or ‘she’s got just what she deserved’ but does anyone really deserve such a punishment that results in a total lack of confidence in both themself and the things that they do or are trying to do? Treat others as you would want to be treated yourself the old adage states, so does anyone deserve that harsh a punishment that they wonder what is the point in trying to do this thing they so want to do because deep down there confidence has been so eroded away that the only thing they are confident of is failure – complete and utter – the fact that they become a laughing stock among others is secondary but that also chips away at what little if any self-confidence they may have left.
I was speaking with a lady yesterday who recently lost her husband of a good many years – he died actually of throat cancer and from diagnosis to death was approximately 6 weeks. She is obviously heartbroken and feels bereft. I do think that I helped yesterday just by listening, at least I hope I did, but she does count her blessing as she has children and grandchildren and they all live close by. Sometimes though just talking to someone that is not family is more help than people realise but like she said yesterday, “life has to go on and I have to carry on living because my family need me even if it’s only as a babysitter!” and then she laughed which made me fill up more than anything else she said. I hope I helped her in some small way and time is not only a great healer but also very telling.
Going back to my walls and things, I think a dripping tap may have been to blame – drip; drip; drip; - and my barriers were quickly being eroded away. They were still in place but not as strong as they were and it’s funny how just one simple comment or one small deed can breach what was thought to be unbreachable/unprenetable and cause so much pain; hurt and anguish it is impossible to describe in words.
We all live our lives the best way we know how, what was taught and learned in childhood stays with us forever but sadly, for some, inflicting such pain is a way of life. They know no different and in some instances, I am certain, do not know the harm they are doing but in other instances, they know exactly what they have done and have a great big grin of satisfaction in “mission being accomplished”. Now I am not saying that the person who did this to me is either the former or the latter description but seeing as they are who they say they are, they should have known better. They are supposed to know me inside out and back to front but this didn’t make one iota of difference they still said what they did and compounded it by an action.
As you can all gather, today started off great and then went downhill and became bad but is now well on its way to being great again and I have to stay strong to achieve my goal and achieve it I will, with or without the support of my so called kith and kin!!! And anyone else for that matter!!!!
Do you know what really, really puzzles me so deeply, how can two people who were brought up by the same parents be so bloody different!
I suppose what I’m basically saying is be aware of others, think hard before speaking and definitely do not do something that you firstly would not wish done to you and secondly, that once done cannot be undone.
We all have good days and bad days and honestly speaking I've had my share of bad days this past month or so but please do think before you speak or take action as the receiver may not be the only one regretting your words or actions.
Hoping you all have a good rest of the day and enjoy the weather which may or may not last depending on which forecast you watch and remember, bank holiday next Monday and I don’t know about you but I’m already in countdown mode!!!
Take care everyone and keeping as it’s what makes the world go round!