CPTSD

[Luv4Seaside]

I am 58 and this is the first PTSD group I have ever be a part of. Currently (for the past year) have been seeing a therapist to help me work through past traumas, one that started at a very early age, after a year, I'm realizing that we don't talk about what landed me in his office and so I asked him about support groups and this is one that he recommended. So here I am. I will continue to see him for present issues. I'm hoping that I am in the right place, to help me get a better understanding of my traumas through others with similar experiences and how they have worked through them. I was diagnosed with complex ptsd for several different traumas.

One of my traumas (molestation) has been a secret since I was a child and in the last year I have been able to open up about it, more so in EMDR treatment. Went for a few sessions, never getting fully into a session, more talking, but wasn't feeling the vibe with the therapist and I ended it. I will be looking into finding someone else to try it again. If you have had any success with this style of treatment, please let me know.

If I'm in the wrong group, please let me know.

[Joanna17slk]

Hi I m doing this on web today first time and it is helping I also look for support new friends even looking for virtual meetings nice to me too ,, 😀

[Joanna17slk]

❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[Wildflowhour]

hi welcome. I just joined too. I haven’t done emdr yet I was about to but then quit that therapist. I don’t know why but I have had so many different therapists there’s always a reason I can’t continue with each one either my insurance changes or they move or I move or it fizzles or they graduate me haha but yeah I’m sorry that you almost got started then you didn’t vibe with your therapist but I totally relate I think that definitely makes a difference.

I also have ptsd from molestation as a child and it’s funny how that seemed to kinda sorta program me for things to continue happening like that as I grew up. I dunno if that’s anyone else’s experience but for me I almost felt like I was marked and certain people just knew I was vulnerable for that stuff. It was a rough early life and my thoughts about myself and relationships with others was very affected by it.

Sorry sorry that’s sad talk I know.

I’m not a complete mess though I love myself in a lot of ways I do. Haha now I’m crying. Sorry sorry.

I’ve been working on loving me. I think the weirdest thing I sorta got from my experience was that I never seemed to grow up. It almost seemed to stunt me and I still feel young and vulnerable in so many ways and people still consider me a crybaby. Haha.

But one good thing about it is I have tons of empathy for other people in pain it’s like I have antenna for seeing it and I soak up their pain and I feel it myself and always want to help. This makes people like me….. which I like but then I will get overwhelmed and feel pressured to try to be there for everyone because no one was there for me. Yeah it’s hard isn’t it. Plus I struggle with boundaries but I spose that’s the definition of boundaries right there huh.

I’ve seen on YouTube you can kinda try emdr on yourself too I have thought of trying that. I’ve been thru so much therapy and yes I’m in it again haha but sometimes I feel like no one does it very good maybe I have to figure it out in my own. I actually have talked to myself like a therapist before when I’m struggling and I do think I almost do it better than any I’ve had haha.

Ok sorry sorry for the long response to you I’m sending you love I hope your day goes better today sorry if there’s typos.

[Luv4Seaside in reply to Wildflowhour]

Thank you for responding. I can relate to some of the things you wrote about. You mentioned your growth being stunted, I've never thought of it that way, but tonight, I get that. I also relate with being there for others and mainly protecting others, especially the underdog whether I know them or not, because, no one protected me when I needed it the most. I went through that alone, dealt with it alone, while still being able to cheer others up, always the silly, funny one, but inside, I've been dying for so very long, kinda numb too. I don't allow myself to get close to anyone, put up a wall or a boundary, keeping them at a distance. I don't know, I feel like a freak, a weirdo. I want to feel genuine love before my time on this earth is up. I don't know what that feels like. So much more to my life journey, so much to work through. Praying that it's possible and healing comes to me because I'm exhausted.

Wishing you healing and better days ahead. Thank you for writing and sharing.

[Forwardds]

Hi, yes you’re in the right place, welcome here. I’m so sorry to learn a bit about your traumas. Hopefully you will find the right therapist - we are here always, so it’s great that you have support here as well. I’ve found on occasion that a smart and compassionate friend and/or peer can be as beneficial as a hired therapist (maybe better sometimes too!). Sending you strength and energy for the day

[Luv4Seaside in reply to Forwardds]

Thank you for responding and giving me some hope to finally moving past what I have held inside for so long. I will continue to see my psychologist, but saw a new EMDR therapist yesterday and we talked (introducing ourselves) for an hour and the vibe was amazing. I'm praying that she is who I need at this time in my life.

[Sheepdawg]

As a sufferer of severe PTSD, I have experienced success with cognitive therapy and especially EMDR treatment. I understand that EMDR is quite successful with about 85% of patients. You may want to try another therapist or a different technique. Lights, hand buzzers and tapping are some methods I’ve heard about. My therapist uses hand buzzers.

I pray that you find some relief soon. Peace

[Luv4Seaside in reply to Sheepdawg]

thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me. I met a new EMDR therapist yesterday that was recommended by my therapist, outside of his practice and I loved my first meeting with her. I had to be up front and tell her my triggers and why I left the last emdr therapist. Praying that this one works out for me. She has lights, buzzers and the tapping thing as well. I believe that I will try the buzzers because I feel silly with the tapping and haven't tried the lights but am open to it. I want this to work so badly. I'm 58, been carrying this load with me since as young as 4 yrs old and I just need to release it, get it off of me, the details, all of it. I know that it won't ever disappear, but I just want it to not cross my mind. That's the first trauma that I need to work through. Do you think that it's normal to have multiple traumas? I feel like a freak and not a victim. I'll get through this one way or another. My life depends on it. Again, thank you for responding

[Sheepdawg in reply to Luv4Seaside]

I’m so glad to hear that you are willing to try the EMDR buzzers. I believe it may be more about the right therapist than the right instrument, though.

It is not normal to have multiple traumas, but unfortunately it is common. There’s nothing normal about trauma. The best words my therapist gave me years ago were, “You are having a normal reaction to a very abnormal situation.” ❤️