had to

[Dad67]

well we put dad in the nursing home today. PSP is awful.

[Dad67]

I feel terribly guilty.

[Dad67 in reply to Dad67]

I’m an only child and father and I work like a dog. I have Jesus though.

[Martina_MP]

Yes it is awful. Keep in mind he would not want you to have a hard time. It would be good if you could visit, even for short check-ins.

[pmcdonough1]

Yes, PSP is awful! Try to find the positives of this transition for yourself and for your dad. Now that the nursing home will be taking care of medications and daily living needs you can find time to take on the responsibility of being your dad's advocate and loving son. My husband had PSP, I found it very helpful to keep small notebooks to write down any issues that I saw at the hospitals so that I could talk to appropriate supervisors to make sure that his needs were being addressed. Having PSP can be very isolating when cared for at home. Hopefully, the staff at the nursing facility will provide social interactions that he will find beneficial. Wishing you and your family peace. When my husband was isolated in the hospital I would take photos I knew he would like and took them to the nurses station. They hung them on the wall in front of his bed so he could see them. The Hospital Pastors commented on how nice it was to see the cards and photos. I am sure that it gave the nursing staff interesting topics of conversations. Sending you my best.

[Eaton7 in reply to pmcdonough1]

That is a very good point about the photos. Our SALT team worked with me to make a communication book with photos and descriptions of friends and family members, places we had lived, hobbies he had enjoyed and also household items to help to identify his needs when he couldn’t speak clearly enough. One particular nurse on a hospital stay used it very successfully and she was so pleased to learn a little about his life and speak to him about it.

Love and prayers to Dad67 and all other struggling carers.

[Doublereeder in reply to Eaton7]

When I send Mum her weekly TV guide, I print off a photo and add a few sentances (typed in large font for ease of reading) so she knows what's happening with us each week. (Phone calls no longer possible). One of the carers says it puts a smile on her face.

[Bergenser]

Hoping not to be in that situation with my husband, but totally understand how difficult it is. It sounds like you had no choice and that it is his best option now. PSP is cruel. Be kind to yourself.

[Redjune1]

My husband went into a care home in June this year. I could no longer cope with him at home, he was so unsteady on his feet and he is much bigger and heavier than me. I was getting very little sleep because he constantly called out to me. It just got too much. I know about feeling guilty but I also know that he is safe and well looked after at the home. He does lots of activities during the week, which he enjoys and he has a nice room. You have to think about yourself as well as the person you care for.

[Marazion]

We did the same for mum in Dec 21 after having live in carers at home with her but it was too much for them as her needs were too great and the cottage not idea (Dad was at home with Alzheimer’s too). It’s not something she wanted or we wanted for her as she loved her house and never wanted to leave. It’s so hard but she is safer and access to nurses 24/7. Her named nurses is fantastic with her and us. Dad now lives in the same home and I visit as does my sister.

[Dosco]

Placing my wife in continuing care was the toughest decision in my life. She's been there for over 2.5 years and as I watched I realized her care was beyond me and home care. I visit her every day and jolly her along. Although frowned upon I even spoon in beer or champagne on special occasions. The journey is difficult. Try taking it day by day and believe me to be a care requires one to take care of oneself. For me, it was fitness and strength training.Cheers!

Raja

[Wifey4U]

Please do not beat yourself up with guilt! When the dangers of injury at home are beyond management, continuing care outside the home is the only recourse. My spouse was falling and punctured a lung with broken ribs with the last fall. The group home was close enough for me to spend time with him there, although I suffered deep grief and guilt over not being “super-woman” and providing 24-7 care by myself. Not humanly possible.

As the PSP progressed, he had hospice care in the last week of life and died in January, 2020.

I am still in therapy for PTSD to this day. The grief and guilt still bubble to the surface 3 years later. He was my soulmate.

[Doublereeder]

Try not to feel guilty. Pros and cons with all options. As Pmcdonough says, home will now take care of all meds and can easily provide doctors and medical staff when needed. I found the removal of this type of care quite a relief and it does mean I can focus more on being more social with Mum and that's better for both of us.

[DaffodilPrimerose]

Dear Dad67You have made the right and kindest decision. I am an only child too. I know exactly how it feels. Simply put one person cannot place the psp patient in the best and safest care by keeping them in a home environment even with outside help.

A care home can provide a more comfortable setting, it will be easiest on the psp patients mind and body.

So when you have any guilty pang, you have to look at it the other way, it could simply have been less kind to keep the patient at home. Often keeping the patient at home is just done because the carer fears feeling guilt about the care home move. Your time visiting the care home will be much richer quality time and your Dad will feel that as well even if he cannot respond to it.

Please know it is the right thing to do.

And yes we do have Jesus. Praise the Lord in all His works and thank Him for the great gift of your father's life and ask that He lays an easier road in front of you and your Dad from this day forth.

God Bless.

[NHGrace]

I feel your pain. Maybe this means you will able to let go of some of the caregiver role and just show up for and with him as YOU? I sure hope so.

My mom was barely 5 feet and under 100lbs when she died, but my body was “off” for nearly a year after she died from basically carrying her around. We can only do so much, and if she’d been any bigger (or it has been my dad), then I would’ve done the very same thing. I hope this means he has fewer falls. And you can have leas fear of them.

In solidarity