Has anyone else had to deal with very violent outbursts?

I am beginning to dread doctor and therapy appointments. The least little thing will set him off. He is very combative and still mobile (though starting to experience frequent falls). Funny his normally soft slurred speech becomes very loud and pronounced. He almost sings repeating phrases and curse words. I know he feels remorse but is unable to control the outbursts. I try to stay calm but it is difficult especially when I am driving.

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  • My husband and I dealt with those in the past. now they are very far and few between. I could say something not out of the ordinary and he would just start angrily yelling. (and yes, his speech was perfect during those times!) At first I'd think, what did I say?? after a few times I realized it wasn't me and it wasn't really him either. He had no understanding or control. afterwards sometimes he would apologize. I learned to not say anything to contradict what he was yelling about. Just let I play out, and talk softly and calmly afterwards. and I also developed a thick skin! It really hurt my feelings the first few times. I did notice after talking Cymbalta, which he talks for anxiety and depression, the episodes we're not as frequent. As the disease progresses things change, so his angry outburst are a lot less regardless of the medication. He still becomes very frustrated when he has a dr. appointment, thinks they are pointless. and it takes a lot to get him to go. I'm not sure this helps, but I understand that the outburst are not uncommon. If you haven't already, I'd check with your dr. and see if there is something he can prescribe that might help for awhile.

  • Well said Lynn. Appreciate your input to help others. Thanks! Jimbo

  • OMG Lynn, it is comforting to know that this too shall pass! And you are right about not contradicting what he is yelling about. I often think it is just a matter of information or miscommunication and I can talk him out of it but that just upsets him more. It reminds me of when my son was little and had tantrums. You just had to stay calm and let it play out. What is interesting is that he has always been a rather stoic man. And this disease has opened the floodgates to his emotions. He can be so incredibly tender, and he almost always apologizes after an outburst. More from scaring me or hurting my feelings then remorse. He laughs more now (though sometimes inappropriately which makes us both laugh). I guess this is the gift. Thank you for sharing. Take care Jayne G.

  • Dead Goldcap

    My husband's anger and aggression is always aimed at me and, on the odd occasion, our son. This is probably because we are with him most of the time (me anyway). I am always told to not to take it personally but it is upsetting and you just think, what more can I do for you?!

    My husband is on a very small dose of Quetiapane and this has helped and he is a lot calmer now.

    Take care

    Dorothy t

  • Thank you Dorothy T for your reply. You totally get it! Sometimes I think, "Why am I here?". And I know the answer is that I love him but it is really hard to love someone who is being so angry and violent. He is still pretty strong and I am half his size. I have had fractures from things he has thrown at me and bruises( because sometimes when he grips he can't let go). Everyone acted like it was my fault he was behaving this way until he started to do it with them. Welcome to my world. His latest neurologist did not get it because he is always so sweet in front of her. I find this happens a lot. He holds it together in therapy, doctor app. etc. and the moment we get in the car he unleashes on me. Most of his frustration comes from my not understanding what he is trying to say or if I finish his sentences. It is ironic that he normally speak so softly it is hard to hear him and yet when he gets agitated he can be very articulate and LOUD. I finally filmed him and sent it to his doctor. She prescribed Zoloft but it did not have any effect on his outbursts so I took him to my (ADHD) doctor , a psychiatrist/neurologist and he prescribed Nudextra. Although he still suffers from emotional incontinence, I have noticed a difference in the intensity and duration of the episodes. He still continues to say curse words repeatedly when he is very upset. And he uses wrong words or phrases. When he starts to cry (which isn't as often as the anger or laughter), my heart goes out to him and I can comfort and calm him down. It is just very hard not to be affected by the anger after a challenging long day. I guess my skin is getting thicker and I am learning unconditional love.

  • Dear Goldcap

    It seems that we are kindred spirits because a lot of what you are describing could be me and my husband. It would also seem that you have it much harder than me, I am so sorry. If you do not have help with your husband, try and get it and do not listen to anyone else on how you care for your husband, you are doing it 24/7,you KNOW what goes on. Of course we're told it is not personal, but you know what, we are a person and we can get demoralised and it is very difficult to detach ourselves sometimes to realise and finally understand that it is the condition and not the person who is giving us the anguish.

    But the bottom line is we know it is a thousand times worst for the sufferer, so we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and start all over again, as the song goes!

    Take care

    Dorothy T

  • well said Dorothy

  • I've not experienced any of these changes in my wife. She is as always within the PSP symptoms. My heart goes out to you. Stay strong! Jimbo

  • Thanks Jimbo. Interesting. Seems the anger is more prevalent in men. Testosterone? At a PSP conference I heard caretakers bring up irritability but not anger or violence in their moms & wives. Only one lady (very petite) mention it was why she could no longer care for her husband at home. And I am getting stronger:) Keep up the good work! Jayne G.

  • I tend to,,get v frustrated when ifalll over and can t getup

    When try to do something easy and fail

    L

    And Ii usually cry as my pa rt

  • Partner. Shouts @ me it s v worrying for him that Ii cannot help, myelf more and not fall and clear up wen I make a mess or need help getting,to then,toilet on time

    Loljill

    :-)

  • Hi Jill

    Do you have any help or a carer? If not try and get some, you cannot and should not be on your own.

    Take care

    Dorothy t

  • Jill, my heart breaks for you. You are such a strong lady with such a good attitude. Dorothy is right-your partner needs back-up. Take care, Jayne G.

  • I'm sorry I know being a caregiver is tough but the things you are describing are not things to be berated for. I am a very nurturing person. It is something that comes naturally to me. But sometimes I just break down crying and ask him to stop yelling at me. I joke that he is either yelling for me or at me.

  • Hi

    Dorothy and Jayne g

    Thanks 4 your kind words

    I have a Carer who comes In each day except Sundays for 2/3 hours but I'm

    Hoping

  • To,get evening care as well

    Lo l jill

    :-)

  • We also have been thru this stage and it is sooo heartbreaking, I personally felt like I was going mad as it seemed that he could control it around others too. Ended up getting him onto a anti depressant and that helped a lot. I guess it was about 3 months that was the worst.....then his voice went and he sometimes wrote nasty messages, I told him how I felt and that I couldn't deal with it anymore, coping with so much he would have to leave home . No more problems... I now look back and see it as anger and frustration... he would pick on me for any little thing and I resented that. My stepdaughter was with us for some of that time and we realised that he was having a temper tantrum just like a 2 yr old.

    You are doing a great job , don't let him break you ... I dealt better with it when I knicknamed the "alter ego" - the imposter...looked like him, but not my man saying that stuff. Good luck Suzy Qld

  • suzy, I love hearing the word "stage", although I know most doctors will not admit or acknowledge stages in PSP. We know differently of course! Stage implies that it is only transient and I can live with that. Is so comforting to know that this too shall pass. The meds are finally starting to kick in. He is becoming a lot less violent-knock on wood. OMG nasty messages?! That would upset me more than the outbursts. Messages have to be thought out and constructed. Not random impulsive emotional reactions. You are a better woman than me-just saying...

  • I wonder if medication for rage behavior, such as beta blockers, might help. Could he get Home Health Care so that he didn't have to go in the car? Best wishes to you. patandlinda

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