Just want to drop a note to say I'm still out here. Since Michael passed, I have less time than ever and therefore haven't written and can only occasionally read a few posts. Still writing thank you notes, seeing lawyers and doctors for me and other duties, esp. Z those related to his death.
It will be a month on Thurs since he passed and Fri would have been our 33rd wedding anniversary. It's not really getting any easier. I still have walls up so I can talk and not cry which is hard. I miss him so much and am sitting on a pity pot feeling sorry for myself. So far, I don't like my new life at all.
Thanks for always being here. Happy belated birthday wishes to Kevin's Liz. Glad it wasn't spasms.
Love you guys.
Liz
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Mikey12345
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Hi Liz - Thank you for keeping in touch: I was wondering about you
Are you doing anything to take care of yourself or is it all chores??
Liz, do you mind saying how long Michael suffered from CBD? If it's not too painful to reflect? As a 'CBD spouse' I try to track others' CBD experience.
I am mostly doing chores, however, I get a lot of breaks as members of my large family keep stopping in or grandkids have functions to go to. I am blessed with that.
I don't mind a bit. Michael's first symptoms were in 2009 when he suspected memory loss. His symptoms increased slowly until he was diagnosed in May of 2016 and passed away 2 years later.
I believe Michael's case was not the typical case as when he fell down the steps 10 months ago, his symptoms exacerbated dramatically. Prior to his fall he was walking with, or rather I should say, carrying a cane which he used more as a poker than a stabilizing device. He was cognitively clear, self sufficient and independent with some help from me. Everything changed after the fall.
If I can offer any information which would be helpful, I would be happy to do so.
Yes, Michael's CBD progress is unique on this site and from everything I've read. To be so very gradual, with little disability - and then such a shockingly fast decline! Your head must really have been spinning after that fall....
I'm glad you had some good "clear" years with him even after onset. One of the hardest things for me is my husband's cognitive loss - the loss of what made him "Him".
One of the most optimistic things I've heard from several of the bereaved on our site is that after a period of time they begin to remember their spouses as they were in their prime - and not just the more recent years of decline, withdrawal and pain. That's a very hopeful thing
Anne, when I think of Michael it is with him before CBD. Unless I am specifically thinking of him in the nursing facility, it's him at our home, perfectly normal. Thank goodness.
As Jen says it does take time. Adjusting with different challenges that come your way is not easy when you have lost your loved one and getting through just one day can be tiring and emotional. Take care. Hugs Jxx
Yes it is. I don't think if I can avoid it because I want to remain numb. If I think, I get emotional and I don't like that. I know I have to get through it by feeling the feelings and I will eventually but right now "I'm too busy." I have stuff that has to be done. Boy, if I was a therapist, I'd jump on those comments!
I have been " really strong " and now [ 8 months later ] I find myself remembering and weeping over the many memories from 55 years together. It takes time at first to get used to having time and space, the emptiness. The loss is immense and the tiredness hits you. You've stepped off a roller coaster you never chose to get on !!!
Hi Liz, Sincerely know where you are coming from, Leon passed last Saturday, I am on auto pilot, at present finding I have too much time on my hands, as I had put most things in place prior to Leon passing. Still waiting for things like his death certificate, which then of course will start a whole new episode of things to fix. The hardest part for me is not rushing in to spend all day by Leon's side, the last 10 days I slept next to him at the wonderful care facility. No funeral for Leon, just a cremation, I will then take Leon with me on my travels around this wonderful country of Australia and finish our travels, spreading his ashes in the favourite places we found whilst travelling for 8 years. It was his wish and is mine also. Celebrating his life as I go. Love and Hugs to you Marg H
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Your head must really have been spinning after that fall.... 
On a lighter note.....
On A Lighter Note...
