Just a note: Just want to drop a note to say... - PSP Association

PSP Association

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Just a note

Mikey12345
Mikey12345

Just want to drop a note to say I'm still out here. Since Michael passed, I have less time than ever and therefore haven't written and can only occasionally read a few posts. Still writing thank you notes, seeing lawyers and doctors for me and other duties, esp. Z those related to his death.

It will be a month on Thurs since he passed and Fri would have been our 33rd wedding anniversary. It's not really getting any easier. I still have walls up so I can talk and not cry which is hard. I miss him so much and am sitting on a pity pot feeling sorry for myself. So far, I don't like my new life at all.

Thanks for always being here. Happy belated birthday wishes to Kevin's Liz. Glad it wasn't spasms.

Love you guys.

Liz

20 Replies

It does get better, Liz! Just takes time. And this bit is the worst, so hang in there!

Plan to make a break away, somewhere you enjoy, and be a bit physical. I find walking on the beach therapeutic!

Hugs

Jen xxx

Mikey12345
Mikey12345 in reply to honjen43

Jen,

Thanks Jen. Going away sounds good. Maybe when I can make a break after the essentials are done, I'll try. So very much to do at this point.

Hugs,

Liz

Hi Liz - Thank you for keeping in touch: I was wondering about you :-)

Are you doing anything to take care of yourself or is it all chores??

Liz, do you mind saying how long Michael suffered from CBD? If it's not too painful to reflect? As a 'CBD spouse' I try to track others' CBD experience.

Hugs to you XXX

Anne G.

Anne,

I am mostly doing chores, however, I get a lot of breaks as members of my large family keep stopping in or grandkids have functions to go to. I am blessed with that.

I don't mind a bit. Michael's first symptoms were in 2009 when he suspected memory loss. His symptoms increased slowly until he was diagnosed in May of 2016 and passed away 2 years later.

I believe Michael's case was not the typical case as when he fell down the steps 10 months ago, his symptoms exacerbated dramatically. Prior to his fall he was walking with, or rather I should say, carrying a cane which he used more as a poker than a stabilizing device. He was cognitively clear, self sufficient and independent with some help from me. Everything changed after the fall.

If I can offer any information which would be helpful, I would be happy to do so.

Hugs, Liz

Thank you Liz,

Yes, Michael's CBD progress is unique on this site and from everything I've read. To be so very gradual, with little disability - and then such a shockingly fast decline! :-( Your head must really have been spinning after that fall....

I'm glad you had some good "clear" years with him even after onset. One of the hardest things for me is my husband's cognitive loss - the loss of what made him "Him".

One of the most optimistic things I've heard from several of the bereaved on our site is that after a period of time they begin to remember their spouses as they were in their prime - and not just the more recent years of decline, withdrawal and pain. That's a very hopeful thing :-)

Hugs to you Liz, XXX

Anne G.

Anne, when I think of Michael it is with him before CBD. Unless I am specifically thinking of him in the nursing facility, it's him at our home, perfectly normal. Thank goodness.

Hugs,

Liz

As Jen says it does take time. Adjusting with different challenges that come your way is not easy when you have lost your loved one and getting through just one day can be tiring and emotional. Take care. Hugs Jxx

Mikey12345
Mikey12345 in reply to Zeberdee

How true!

You're doing well Liz. I still haven't sorted everything.

Its like being in a protective bubble, isn't it ?

Love from Jean xx

Yes it is. I don't think if I can avoid it because I want to remain numb. If I think, I get emotional and I don't like that. I know I have to get through it by feeling the feelings and I will eventually but right now "I'm too busy." I have stuff that has to be done. Boy, if I was a therapist, I'd jump on those comments!

Love back to you,

Liz

Take your time, Liz.

I have been " really strong " and now [ 8 months later ] I find myself remembering and weeping over the many memories from 55 years together. It takes time at first to get used to having time and space, the emptiness. The loss is immense and the tiredness hits you. You've stepped off a roller coaster you never chose to get on !!!

Big hug from Jean xx

Hello Liz

Thinking of you today.

Wishing you some healing.

Warmly

Kevin

Mikey12345
Mikey12345 in reply to Kevin_1

Thanks Kevin. Was thinking about you and Liz also. Hope today was a good day.

Hugs,

Liz

Kevin_1
Kevin_1 in reply to Mikey12345

We had a good day yesterday - Thanks

I hope today is better for you and us.

Warmly

Kevin

Hi Liz, it doesn't get better fast, but it does get better. Believe us!

Take your time, and get back on your feet at your own pace, stuff anyone or anything that tries to push you along 👍

Mikey12345
Mikey12345 in reply to Ratcliffe

Thanks for your help. I needed to hear that.

Hugs,

Liz

Hi Liz, Sincerely know where you are coming from, Leon passed last Saturday, I am on auto pilot, at present finding I have too much time on my hands, as I had put most things in place prior to Leon passing. Still waiting for things like his death certificate, which then of course will start a whole new episode of things to fix. The hardest part for me is not rushing in to spend all day by Leon's side, the last 10 days I slept next to him at the wonderful care facility. No funeral for Leon, just a cremation, I will then take Leon with me on my travels around this wonderful country of Australia and finish our travels, spreading his ashes in the favourite places we found whilst travelling for 8 years. It was his wish and is mine also. Celebrating his life as I go. Love and Hugs to you Marg H

Kevin_1
Kevin_1 in reply to margh2468

Hi Marg

I will read your lovely post to Liz tomorrow.

She so loves to stay connected.

XXX

margh2468
margh2468 in reply to Kevin_1

Thank you Kevin, I love to keep up the journey's of others on this site, it certainly helps. Massive hugs to you both xxoo

Mikey12345
Mikey12345 in reply to margh2468

Margh,

That sounds wonderful. Very wise to have all plans made ahead. I am doing that for myself now so the kids don't have to.

Thanks for sharing.

Hugs,

Liz

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