Yes even in the darkest times there is always a chink of light so I think it is beholden of me to tell you of my exploits on a mobility scooter . There is a man in our village called Bob - he is a veritable mountain of a man , not just tall but wide with it , with an enormous barrel chest which erupts with Vesuvious like rumblings every time he speaks . Every word is punctuated with gurgling coughs and much spluttering .He peers down at one rather like a giant gazing at a dwarf with a cigaret clamped firmly between teeth gapped gums . I had noticed some time ago that there was a mobility scooter parked outside his house but had since vanished so I knocked on his door and asked if he still had it and if so could I borrow it . "Umph ,splutter ,gurgle , yes dear boy, cough ,splutter but batteries knackered " We agreed that if I replaced the batteries then it was mine for as long as I needed it .
Well I have to tell you this machine is the formula one of mobility scooters . None of your sedate situp and beg machines you see round the shops in Exeter 0-8mph in 0.1 seconds I swear it .Unfortunately this has it drawbacks . To get into our courtyard I have to come up an incline which means using full power . When I get to the front door I dismount , no that's a horse , I get off ,milk clutched under one arm newspaper firmly clenched between my teeth totally forgetting to turn the speed down . So the next time I use the machine I push the reverse gear leaver and find myself hurtling backwards at an alarming velocity .Now you would think common sense would tell you to stop there but no the instinct is to push the lever forward whereupon I hurtle in the opposite direction quite out of control . So far I have destroyed three ceramic plant plots and all but killed the cat who invariably comes to see what I am up to .
But the call of the open road is too much for me so despite these minor set backs I take to the streets of Silverton . Now I pride myself on being quite a good driver but on this machine I am a hooligan . Road signs pshaw ignored , pedestrians? Aim true and speed up , children jump for your lives. Highway code -never heard of it - I am king of the road . I did try driving it into our local store but they heard me coming and bolted the door .
But if you look out you may see me ,full throttle 8mph , wind in my hair crutches wedged under chin and probably on the wrong side of the road but I have wheels and intend to travel .....at least until the battery runs out !
Mobility advice
garage conversion
What a weekend. Chris birthday. Off to visit sister. Nightmare journey. He said he didn't need Loo. Then [ traffic jam M25] desperate to go.
Necessity is a Mother, All Right
