The aftermath.: Weĺl, ger was buried last... - PSP Association

PSP Association

9,658 members11,568 posts

The aftermath.

Duffers profile image
21 Replies

Weĺl, ger was buried last thursday, 17 days after he died. He was received into the church Wednesday night for a short service. The church was packed. Next morning requiem mass, cremation and then wake in the afternoon. Church packed again. I did ger's eulogy because i wanted people to remember ger before he had psp and possibly learn things about him that they didn't know he was capable of in his healthier life. I had it all typed out for myself and as long as i didn't focus on any face i was ok.

So much beaurocracy now. Went to solicitor who did gers POA and she said i need grant of probate so just starting to collect the myriad of papers she needs. Easier for her to do than me.

My life has been taken over by people doing things for me. My son is taking me to see "Murder on the orient express" wednesday eve after his birthday dins. I have 2 weekends away with family planned, 2 weddings to look forward to, several daytime outings and a trip to south africa in february. Already 2 pre christmas dinners, ideal home show, and hope to start back to my keep fit today. Everyone means well and they are trying to keep me engaged and upbeat for which i am grateful. My down times are at very odd times. Not always when i am by myself which i find strange but maybe thats normal.

Thank you so much for all the lovely, very helpful comments i have had over the years from the amazing PSP family on this site. They have been encouraging and supportive. The one thing i have learnt on here is that there should be NO GUILT and I'm finding i have none. I did all that i could and ger had family and friends at home with him when he died. Peacefully at the end TG.

Love always and god bless each and every one of you on your arguous journeys.

Marie

Written by
Duffers profile image
Duffers
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
21 Replies
Careenh profile image
Careenh

God bless you Marie. Take comfort that ger was surrounded by love. You have been on a journey together and now time for you to continue the journey alone but with ger in your heart ❤ give yourself time sweetheart. Xxxx

Duffers profile image
Duffers in reply toCareenh

Thank you. The journey will be strange and different but i feel strong enough to go it alone but with help.

NannaB profile image
NannaB

Hi Duffers, you are correct, no guilt. Ger will never be far from your thoughts but now is your time. I’m so pleased you have lots planned and you have family and friends around you who are trying to make things easier. A year on, there are still moments that bring tears to my eyes briefly. Certain songs on the radio, the smell of after shave, my husband’s mannerisms showing in my sons etc and talking to a widow of 15 years, she still has her moments so it’s very normal I think.

I gave myself the gap year I never had when I was younger; lots of travelling, theatre trips, meals out, day trips with my U3A friends and surprisingly it’s all been good. So good that my gap year is now going into a gap two years and still no decorating done. My darling comes with me in my heart and I’m sure if he could he would encourage me to make the most of every day. He discovered life is very short.

Very best wishes for the future.

XxxX

Duffers profile image
Duffers in reply toNannaB

Lets hope the gap gets wider every year. More power to you.

doglington profile image
doglington

I'm in exactly same place.

Takes time I guess. Like you I take comfort from Chris' peaceful ending. I feel ok at times and then suddenly bereft.

Good luck in your future journey, Marie.

love from Jean xx

Duffers profile image
Duffers in reply todoglington

Thank you jean. Grief is strange.

Heady profile image
Heady

Hi Marie, I agree, no guilt! Why should there be. We all do/did our best for our loved ones. Who could ask for more.

Well done you, getting out and about. It doesn't make things better, or worse. If You manage the enjoy some of the things you have planned, so much the better. I envy you the trip to South Africa. I have to go back soon, but not sure I am brave enough yet.

The one thing I am learning about grief is, its just has unpredictable as PSP. Things you think are going to be hard,you sail through, others hit you right below the belt. Also, it's baby steps. The legal side doesn't have to be done today, I still am sorting things out, do a bit, then leave it for a while, before I tackle the rest.

I love NannaB's idea of having a gap year. Personally, I think this past year as been a blur year. Anniversary coming up end of December. I will be in Gran Canaria, hopefully catching a few sun rays. After that, I plan to get my life back on track. Don't know how yet, but time to get off the sofa!

Keep in touch, we are still here for you.

Sending big hug and much love

Lots of love

Anne

Duffers profile image
Duffers in reply toHeady

Gran canaria. Lovely place. Lie back and enjoy sun sea and sangria. Grant of probate on my mind so sooner i get that done the better for my peace of mind. Keep fit today. Probably wont be able to walk tomor lol.

Take care anne.

Marie

Yvonneandgeorge profile image
Yvonneandgeorge

Marie so happy for you, life after PSP is hard, and yes no guilt. Anne think about you most days and Bev you are all an inspiration to us all. Yvonne xxxx

Duffers profile image
Duffers in reply toYvonneandgeorge

Thank you yvonne

Zeberdee profile image
Zeberdee

So glad your family and friends are rallying round for you. Life will be different but you did everything possible for ger so no guilt there. My sincere best wishes to you. Jxx

Duffers profile image
Duffers in reply toZeberdee

Thank you for your kind words.

Katiebow profile image
Katiebow

Good to know that the funeral went well Marie and that Ger had a lovely send off. Well done you for planning some well earned holidays and getting your life back on track doing the nice things in life after so long caring and hardly having time to breath. I wish you well in your new life and hope that the happy times outweigh the sadness that you are bound to feel.

Love kate xxx

Duffers profile image
Duffers in reply toKatiebow

Thank you katie. I'm a strong person and i will be ok in time.

Marie_14 profile image
Marie_14

Marie I have been wondering how things went at Gers funeral and how you are coping. I am glad he had a nice funeral and in awe that you could speak at it. I just couldn't manage that but my son and Granddaughter did.

You have so much planned I am speechless! I like Anne, am still at the sitting on the sofa stage. Although she has had holidays and another planned. I have been out for a few meals and that has helped. No holidays though. Apart from a couple of nights away with my Granddaughter. I have to say I didn't really enjoy it which is odd. We get on really well and it seemed very odd at the time and still does when I think back.

I am glad you have so much support from your family. You are so lucky. I wish I had a large family but we only had two children and two Grandchildren. One is only 8! So he is sweet but not taking him away as my daughter wouldn't allow it! Friends are few and far between. Some have never got back in contact after vanishing when Garry was ill.

You will be worn out with all your outings and trip to Sth Africa but I am sure it's good to get out and enjoy yourself after feeling like a prisoner. Sad that PSP does that to carers and patients too?

Lots of hugs and love to you. Make sure you keep in touch?

Marie (the other one) x

Duffers profile image
Duffers in reply toMarie_14

Hi marie. I was pleased at how well things went for our celebration of gers life.

I consider myself to be a very lucky woman in so many ways. Family and friends are great.

If i knew where you lived I'd come and see you in the new year if you could be bothered.

Christmas will be odd but i will be away at a nephews wedding someplace in wiltshire on 23 december so it should pass quickly enough.

Take care marie.

The other one.

Jafarrar profile image
Jafarrar

GodBless you as you travel on.

Satt2015 profile image
Satt2015

A good read Marie, thank you for sharing! Just try and take each day as it comes and be kind to yourself as your new journey begins. Much love x

Kevin_1 profile image
Kevin_1

Hi Duffers

I'm so sorry to hear your news.

I wish you well at this difficult time.

Warmly

Kevin

xx

abirke profile image
abirke

Well dear it is over....lots of people in the room, keep hold of them, no guilt calling them next month and say "hey".....I find that my lack of willingness to reach out to people in my young years have left me rather empty handed in my older years....I still kinda like it and I still have you all... thank you...so if'n you want to talk, most of us are still hear and God is always here...

No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you...John 15:5

Andrea

Cuttercat profile image
Cuttercat

Thank you for your insights especially the guilt part. I'm dealing with that now and taking each day as it comes.

Take care of yourself. I'm thinking about you. Let people take care of you for a change.

Cuttercat

Not what you're looking for?

You may also like...

my hero Geoff

we had geoffs funeral yesterday his regiment prince of wales own arranged for him to have all the...
wheelrace profile image

OMG!!!!!! CHC

My god.what a rollercoaster week. Nurse from chc came to see if ger had enough "A"s to trigger...
Duffers profile image

Last Stages

Sadly I lost my husband Richard to PSP two weeks ago. I'll miss him dreadfully, but the man he was,...

Home to family

Ive just spent 11 days in northwick park hospital with hubby ger. He had aspiràtion pneumonia which...
Duffers profile image

the time has come - 3 years from diagnosis

It has taken me 2 weeks to be able to tell the final chapter. On the Saturday it was stormy and the...
crab2093 profile image

Moderation team

HelenPSPA profile image
HelenPSPAAdministrator

Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.

Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.