There is a programme on Channel 4 tonight at 8pm about BUPA Nursing and Care Homes and what has been going on. One of them was a home recommended by the CHC for G. I looked it up and saw it was rated as Inadequate by the CQC. The stupid woman I spoke to had no idea and was telling me how good it was! I am glad at least one if these places will be exposed tonight. Goodness knows how many there are? I am also talking to the council about the way G was treated by CCG as I don't trust myself to do it at the moment.
Marie x
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Marie_14
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It is quite upsetting. Maybe not one for Liz? I told someone to look at it and he is so upset about what he saw and heard. As he said he could well end up in a place like that? Same here for that matter.
However Liz has already had respite in the home where she is likely to go - BUPA. So it might not be too bad for her. As an ex-social worker she probaly wants to watch it.
Kevin not all Nursing Homes or Care Homes are like this thank goodness. However if she does go to the BUPA one she has been in before it might be very different from the one on TV? I would imagine they will all be on guard now?
Like you it makes me angry too. The one in question specialises in Alzheimers and that's where they wanted to send G!! I was so angry as none of those suggested met his needs.
Neither did the Care Home he was in but because he went back there after hospital we lost our carers. As they had done an assessment for CHC funding I stupidly thought we would hear about it in a reasonable time.
I can't get it out of my mind wondering was he treated badly. Certainly their attitude changed and G became quite depressed. So watch them wherever Liz ends up. I trusted them more than I should have done.
Mis-treatment is probably not the norm in the UK, but low standards and waiting for the loo is probably rife.
I am going to fit a camera with a remote feed in Liz's room when her time comes. It is legal to do that.
No, people nearly always go down hill moodwise in a care or nursing home. It's not home, often people feel home is lost and even with good care it is nothing like home cooked food and hugs.
Things are improving with inspections and ratings.
Kevin thanks for the hugs. Badly needed them. Last night brought things back to me and made me think of things Garry said about never bothering them in the Care Home. It was a strange thing for him to say. I suspect someone told him off for being a nuisance.
They refused to help him eat and told me he was playing up when I went to visit. No way was he playing up. Not once did he ask me for help. I offered to help him when I saw how badly he struggled to get food to his mouth. The Neurologist said in January he was at high risk if Chris king and should be fed. They still wouldn't do it. They said that was a Nursing Home job. Total nonsence!
On at least two occasions I found him with no water or smoothies. I used to buy them and put them in the fridge but during his last week there they hadn't given him any! They were giving him water which made him choke. I told them all this but they resented being told what they should do.
They didn't even give him the painkillers he should have had. They just gave him Paracetamol. They always said they would see how he got on with them! It is tearing me apart now wondering what happened when I wasn't there. I would definitely put a camera in if I could go back.
I could tell you similar, but different tales from Liz's earlier respites.
Why not make notes of issues give the dates of his stay and send them to the CQC... You might also want to send a copy to them so they know what they are in for. They will retify those issues very quickly because they will know those things will be checked at the next inspection. The CQC may well write to them and ask them for a response. A polite way of saying 'fire a shot over the bow'
These things happen and they are hard to fight.
We can only do well enough.
And when our loved one is gone we most of us revisit things and have doubts about how good we were and thoughts that we could have done more. But, really afterwards we have time and hindsight and we are not caught up in all of the tasks we needed to do before.
This I leaned after my mother died. Many years on I kick myself, but it is life and I did the best I could at the time.
You were amazing. I remember your posts. You fought everyone to make his last days as good as you could and the system was so stacked against you.
I learned a lot from your posts.
Hugs again Marie and Liz, who admires you, adds many more.
Thank you Kevin. You are a good man. You helped me a lot because I just felt overwhelmed at times. Thank heaven too for this site. It is a lifesaver for so many people.
I honestly don't think I would have survived without it. Wish I had found it a lot earlier though!
Love to you and Liz again. Give her a big hug from me.
Oh Marie, I missed that, will do a catch-up. You should be able to trust the powers that be that the homes they select are up to par, the Kensington fire proves that is not the case, I don't know why these things surprise us but they always do. Try writing all of your frustrations down before tackling the CCG, leave it a couple of days and go back to it, I've done that in the past and it gets things off your chest that perhaps wouldn't be helpful to actually say.
Katie it's upsetting as all these things are? I ended up in tears. Seem to have spent the week crying! As you say the fire in Kensington shows how we should't trust anyone!! It is the most horrific thing I have never seen. All those people killed for what? To save a few pounds!
We have lost sight of the things which are important. How on earth do we get sense back into government? I really despair.
There are good nursing homes as I found for Margaret but by their own admission they can only provide the physical care: bed and board, toileting, medication and some comfort. Nursing homes provide the nursing side and some inter personal interaction. I noticed a lot of the residents were warehoused by their families who rarely visited which lead to some sad residents. Though those who had family visits were much happier and better adapted to the home.
The best homes admit their short comings and make you aware of them and allow you in anytime. Ask how long have the staff been with them a rapid turn over indicates something is not right. Margaret's nursing home had and still does a majority of staff who had been there over 5 years.
The thing that we still have to provide is the mental and loving care for our loved ones by visiting regularly reacting to their needs and making sure the nurses and care assistants know and react to their limited communication left by PSP. Also we can provide stimulus and experiences by reading, taking out for walks or just into the garden anything but leaving in front of the TV.
I know Margaret did not like the home initially but understood that at our home I could no longer cope even with all the visiting carers and Marie Curie Nurses. As her PSP progressed she really began to like the nurses and carers at the nursing home and would often shoo me out with a smile if they needed to change her or toilet her. She only became fully bed bound a month before her final day, the home kept her mobile even if limited and mentally sharp.
The CQC reports are important but so are the views of the District Nurses and GP's use the CHC guide as a "pub guide", they do not like to pay hence why the Lenard Cheshire homes are not covered but they will the majority of the fees if pushed. Our local LC home was full but also undergoing rebuild so not suitable for Margaret.
Remember the nursing home is not just for our loved one but also for ourselves it allows us to provide more specific and loving that was sometimes lost as we struggled with caring and running an "open" house.
Sorry to drain on but I thought a bit of balance was needed as besides the bad homes there are good ones, which can provide a caring and safe environment.
Thank you for bringing the subject up, Marie and thanks to everyone for the comments. Very useful and food for thought.
I took B to look around a very good care home as a place he could go to if I became ill. We had recommendations and it was not far away. However, they said that because he was in a wheelchair, they could not take him. They did not have the room if he needed hoists etc. and that we should be looking at nursing home. It is my intention that he is nursed at home, but of course things change and sometimes we have no choice. Guilt is always with us isn't it? My lovely mother is 96 , lives alone 20 miles away and now I am not driving so far, I feel very guilty that I don't see her and take her out as often as I used to. Thankfully, she is positive, gives me no guilt trips and rings me each day as in the past, I used to ring her. I know that if something happens to her, I will be consumed by guilt.
You sound very down, Marie, which is only natural after all you have been through. I know it is hard, but for every negative thought, try to match it with a happy, positive one. I am sure that you and your loved one had plenty of them. Hoping things improve and thanks once again for the information. Sending a Big Hug. X
Thank you Robbo. Yes I am feeling very down. Mainly because of the feelings of guilt. Can't shake it off. The thing is he had been for respite in the Care Home before and was treated well. At first when he ended up there after hospital they were fine but I think they just got fed up with looking after him. I saw them be very offhand with others there too and it used to upset me. They didn't have enough staff and that was the problem.
Waiting for CHC to come through really got to me and to Garry. Even though he wanted to die in the Hospice he didn't even get that. He died in the hospital where they hadn't a clue what was wrong! It was all awful. It is breaking my heart and I can't seem to think of any happy times. Everything seems so dark.
Oh Marie, how awful! You really need some support or to talk to someone about this as it is eating away at you . maybe the doctor could give you some help in the way of advice/mild antidepressants, or a good friend /relative. You can't blame yourself for the shortcomings of others. I think this guilt is really very severe grieving.Please get help, don't try to fight this alone. Sending lots of love. Rx
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Oh what a day
Chris 
Holding on to Hope
