V had a very bad night last Wednesday , woke at three am and that was it . So by Thursday night she totally zonked . I had a carer in to help me get her ready for bed and she was pretty much asleep by the time we got her in .The carer , Donna ( wasn't that one of Santa Clause's reindeer 's name?-- but no matter) was staying on for a sleep night .I said half jokingly that since V was so sound asleep I could go up to the pub for half an hour . "Go " she said . So I did , first time I had been out in an evening for over a year .
Well I walked up through the night darkened street enjoying looking through the half closed curtains of the cottages that line our village street . Sparkling fairy lights adorning christmas trees , cut out snow flakes on windows - the occasional view of a black labrador stretched out in front of a log fire warming its belly contentedly .Wreaths of all shapes and sizes some elaborate some so simple hanging on front doors , everything as it should be as Christmas envelops our lives .
I got to the pub and peeped in at the window - and I froze . The pub was packed and I could see groups of people , glasses in hand , laughing and talking and full of good cheer , and I knew I couldn't join them .
Was it that after so long I had lost my confidence in socialising? Or was it that it just didn't seem right . I don't know but I do know there was absolutely no way I could go in so I slipped away back down the High Street . The black labrador had rolled over and was warming his back . The twinkly lights didn't seem quite so twinkly and I went home .
Tonight I am entering into the spirit of Christmas at home . I have had a very large whiskey so at least I have had the spirit -not so sure about the Christmas bit .
But I wish all my friends and companions here what ever they would wish for themselves at this time .
my love to you all wherever you are in the world