Christmas spirit

V had a very bad night last Wednesday , woke at three am and that was it . So by Thursday night she totally zonked . I had a carer in to help me get her ready for bed and she was pretty much asleep by the time we got her in .The carer , Donna ( wasn't that one of Santa Clause's reindeer 's name?-- but no matter) was staying on for a sleep night .I said half jokingly that since V was so sound asleep I could go up to the pub for half an hour . "Go " she said . So I did , first time I had been out in an evening for over a year .

Well I walked up through the night darkened street enjoying looking through the half closed curtains of the cottages that line our village street . Sparkling fairy lights adorning christmas trees , cut out snow flakes on windows - the occasional view of a black labrador stretched out in front of a log fire warming its belly contentedly .Wreaths of all shapes and sizes some elaborate some so simple hanging on front doors , everything as it should be as Christmas envelops our lives .

I got to the pub and peeped in at the window - and I froze . The pub was packed and I could see groups of people , glasses in hand , laughing and talking and full of good cheer , and I knew I couldn't join them .

Was it that after so long I had lost my confidence in socialising? Or was it that it just didn't seem right . I don't know but I do know there was absolutely no way I could go in so I slipped away back down the High Street . The black labrador had rolled over and was warming his back . The twinkly lights didn't seem quite so twinkly and I went home .

Tonight I am entering into the spirit of Christmas at home . I have had a very large whiskey so at least I have had the spirit -not so sure about the Christmas bit .

But I wish all my friends and companions here what ever they would wish for themselves at this time .

my love to you all wherever you are in the world

Georgepa

17 Replies

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  • You are a gifted writer. Hope you have a peaceful Christmas.

  • Thank you and you too - might just consider a second glass !!!!Then watch my typing deteriorate as the evening progresses .

  • Love to you George, I too am finding it very hard to get into the Christmas spirit this year (except the ones at home of course!) I've managed to put up the tree and decorations but only for our grandchildrens sake not mine, it just doesn't feel the same any more does it?

    Wishing you a Christmas filled with love, you are in my thoughts....

    Love and hugs....Pat xx

  • I don't know what is more lonely; in an empty room all by yourself with noone to talk to or in a packed room with the same no one to talk to. I have been desperate in both . Thank God for the walk to and from....beautiful story gp thanks

    AVB

  • George wishing you and V a merry Christmas, I hope you have a good one, we are all hoping I am sure that there are no hospital calls!!!!!!! Have one for me George xxxxx

  • Oh, Georgepa

    You write beautifully.

    My feelings exactly.

    You still see beauty around you even though there is such pathos.

    Caring really does isolate one.

    I have let many friends fall by the wayside. They don't understand caring and the trials and I really do not want to inflict that reality on them.

    Caring and major illnesses leads to isolation... Sociological fact.

    Even family, in our case, keep some distance. They are loving and visit, but they don't ask too much about the struggle.

    This is life. This is the way it is for many, not all, of us.

    Thank you for the post.

    I will light a candle on Christmas morning for all of us here.

    Hugs and warm wishes to both of you and all here.

    Kevin

  • How about us all lighting a candle for our friends here but only if safe to do so. Have a peaceful time this Christmas, keep posting. Love to you all, jingles xx

  • Merry Christmas Georgepa to you and v xx

  • That is such a sad story GP, brought a tear to my eye. It's hard to watch people enjoying themselves, you feel like you are so near yet so distant from people doing 'normal' things. Those sort out of situations are really painful and make you realise that you no longer feel part of regular life. I think we isolate ourselves because it's too painful to try to be normal when what is going on behind closed doors is anything but normal.

    I raise a glad to you GP, G&T rather than whiskey, CHEERS.

    Love Kate xx

  • I'd rather be in my own chair with my own glass, but your story was the essence of pathos, and I felt it, through and through. Beautiful writing, as ever, George. Thanks, and Good night.

  • Oh Georgepa, I know how you feel, It's hard to watch other people being happy.

    I guess Christmas is going to be a difficult time for most people here, different reasons, but difficult, and as for 'Happy New Year' ......

    Enough of my doom and gloom, I will raise a 🍷or two tomorrow evening, to everyone here, sorry this evening as it's 4am!

    Lots of love

    Debbie xxx

  • I do love your post's and do relate to losing the ability to socialize .

    Merry Christmas

    Dee in BC

  • Thank you, George. You have described so well how I often feel - especially now at Christmas.

    I don't want to spoil anyone's Christmas but mine is just different and being " free " of him doesn't solve the problem.

    Love to you and everyone on this site.

    Jean xxx

  • Thank-you for your post. Not only beautifully written but wonderful timing. I don't feel so alone. Merry Christmas to you and everyone on this site.

  • George and everyone else. Have a peaceful day. I know how you feel George. I find it really difficult to be around people who are having a good time. I don't begrudge them that but it makes me feel so sad that my husband is not with me.

    He wants to come home but has been talking rubbish this week. He knows it's Christmas and feels he should be at home with his family. Meanwhile his family are just crumbling. After going somewhere to eat (not my idea). My son will go to his girlfriend's, my daughter will take me home then go home to her boyfriend and perhaps his Mum. Neither of them have invited me to theirs for Boxing Day.

    My Granddaughter said she would come to stay with me but when I mentioned it today she seemed unsure whether she was coming to stay or not. Maybe I am not a happy person to be around? I want to cry but don't when I am around people. I suppose the sadness is hard to hide though? Shame we all don't live near each other? At least we understand what each of us is going through?

    Lots of love to everyone and a big hug for you all.

    Marie x

  • George, how wonderful that you are able to put into words exactly how so many people feel especially at this time of year. Thank you keep brave articulate and funny. My love to you both

    Flicka x

  • Your writing, beautiful as always and I was on that journey with you. I hope someday we will be able to go into the pub and have that drink. In the meantime I will sit at home and raise my glass of wine to you Georgepa. Cheers and love to you and V. Nanny857xx

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