Everyday there seems to be some new experience which one has to come to terms with . Today one of our district nurses called Sue who is straight out of "Darling Buds of May" turned up with her bladder scanner . V has the opposite of incontinence -retention . The reading showed more urine than was possible to contain but contained it was . "I will need to drain her using a catheter ."said nurse Sue . "Oh " I thought - " a second cup of coffee in the kitchen and maybe a piece of toast for me " Not a chance "hold this" she said and continued with the procedure . The bag duly filled , was emptied and reattached . "Now " she said I have to go and see two other patients so when the bag refills just turn off the tap and put it back on -bye "
" Bye - what well no - well I suppose so - oh lord " It actually took me back several years to when I took a severely disabled young man out to the pub for a drink . After his 5th pint he said he need the toilet - with some trepidation I wheeled him outside to the WC . Before we got there he said not to worry just roll his trouser leg up and by his ankle was a tap , place a leg over the drain turn on tap and all would be well -it was . But I digress so to return to the matter in hand . When the Nurse came back some two hours later she said "I have been thinking we could use a mini drain twice a day and that would save V from having a permanent catheter and with training you can do it ."
Mini drain ? that sounds like something out of a plumber's tool box . I had visions of a smaller version of one of those rubber sink plungers which when you use them send everything moving with a satisfying glug .But no it turns out to be a smaller kind of catheter . Then the panic set in -training , who would I practice on - surely not the district nurse , the mind boggled - more panic would I need my distance glasses or my reading glasses ? And what would happen if I sneezed which I am prone to doing six or seven times in explosive succession once I start .For heavens sake I am an antique dealer - I am really not cut out for this .
But hold on I have mastered suppositories , a full range of handling machines and hoists - slings of every possible variation . I bed wash and roll V in bed - I am no stranger to commodes and all that goes with them - the blender and me are as one so this should be a doddle .
On the other hand my CHC funding assessment is coming up -so if I do this will they say yet again my wife doesn't need any specialist care as her husband can do it and he is a layman - so perhaps I shall decline the training and insist the district nurses come in twice a day - I am learning - what do you think ?