S is being a pain!!.,. Just for a change.
Eating again is rulings our lives. We lurch from one meal to the next, with very little time between. Some, no most, days, he always has food and drinks lined up on his table. I try and help. Sometimes he lets me, others I get pushed away. Each meal takes at least 1,1/2 hours, on a good days. Evening meals at least three hours. Hopefully, I will have Carers coming in to put him to bed, what time do you suggest I get a call, 12.00, when I know he will be finished!! He is still can eat all foods.
I arranged with him, we would go out after lunch today. You have never seen a man eat cheese on toast so slowly. I had cut it up into tiny pieces. Wouldn't let me get involved. Then finally got him ready, absolutely no help. Getting him into the car and out the other end, was nearly impossible, thought we were going to end up on the floor several times. Also discovered, half his lunch was still in his mouth!!!
Yet he wanted to go. Even on the way home, I asked if he would prefer not to go out again, he indicated that he wants to go out,. So WHY, WHY OH WHY, doesn't he do anything to show it. Simple things, lifting his foot to put his shoes, something he can do, the odd smile to show enjoyment. I really can't do this anymore, the fight is finally draining out of me. If he can't/won't show, or indicate that something is giving him pleasure, what's the point in doing it. I am finding it so hard, loading and unloading the damn wheelchair, then it's a struggle to get him in it. Yet, how on earth am I meant to stay indoors with him for the rest of the time left. I WANT to go out with my husband! I know I can go out on my days off, but that's not my idea of fun. I want S with me!!!
I suppose I know our days are numbered and don't want to spend them arguing or fighting, no, i would love to spend them doing just that. I just want S back, he is just a body now, that I have to feed, clean and hulk around. This is a very silly game and I am totally bored with it now and want it finished and S come back in from what ever he has be up to!
WHAT DO I DO????
Lots of love
Ps, they have been playing silly buggars with this site again. Can't they just leave it alone for a little bit!!!