What to do : This has not been a fun... - Prostate Cancer A...

Prostate Cancer And Gay Men
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What to do


This has not been a fun deal. I still blame my prostate cancer on Androgel. I was buff and sex was incredible with my husband. He would clench my biceps and we went with it. Now it’s totally...well, depressing. I have to use Trimix and sometimes that doesn’t even work. Yes, I can do a dry orgasm jacking. It’s a crazy feeling. Pretty intense but last time I peed. That was embarrassing. This is all so depressing. After 14 years of marriage to my wife, I finally come out and meet my husband. The year after we married I was diagnosed with PC. My ex-wife died of ALS the same year. I appreciate all of you guys and hope you smile every morning because you are here and you are loved.

9 Replies

Good message, thank you for being positive in spite of everything.

It had nothingg to do with androgel, but maybe, if you had chronically low T levels before taking, the low T may have had something to do with it.

Thank you for sharing. Everyone’s experience is different! Unfortunately, PC impacts everyone’s quality of life to more or less of a degree. I am single, so the hardest part for me is the feeling that I’ll never feel the affection or physical touch from someone who loves me just for being me. Unfortunately, the gay life is youth oriented. If you are not with a partner from your young hot youthful days, you are less of an option in the dating pool when your older. Throw in ED and a dry unsatisfying climax and you’re fucked in another far less pleasant kind of way. As soon as a possible suitor learns of your condition, they run for he hills! And oh God, don’t be HIV+, that could leave you feeling as if dying from PC would have been a better less painful option! It would not have been ... I’m just talking “feelings”. So, we all adjust to our new reality and hopefully find other kinds of fulfillment that help us feel validated and significant. . By the way, the “I think I’m ejaculating, only to find I’ve peed” embarrassing moment ... been there! So, if you have a loving husband who is patient, understanding and has stuck with you through this ordeal, you have more than many and much to be thankful for. If for some unfortunate reason, you ever find yourself single, you still don’t have to be alone. I have come to terms and live in truth that our value as PC survivors is not equated with our dick, ass or sexual performance! A legacy has never been established on whether or not someone was a good lay, but rather, the difference they have made in the lives of others. PC has no impact on that!

You're right about this not being any fun...surgery, catheters, diapers, Viagra, a second surgery to fix the incontinence, ugh, ugh, ugh. No loyal husband here (you are blessed) but still occasional boyfriends, and I sure have an active fantasy life, and some functioning when the fantasies become real (once in a great while). We all gotta make do with what we got, be grateful for it, and try to not dwell too much on what we haven't. Sounds like you're doing better than quite a few people would in your situation. Congrats!

Yeah, it sucks (and not in a good way).

I think your post raises thoughts/feelings that many docs just do not help us deal with...at all. My docs will ask a general "how you doing?" question re social/sexual/emotional issues but after telling them my status, quickly move on to talking about something that they can fix with a drug or procedure.

But, you're right: you're not alone. Hang in there.


Hi everyone. I live in the Chicago area and my urologist has a

sexual health doctor on his team who I see regularly for my post-operative care, which is now almost 3 years. We have open conversations about my ED & incontinence issues and how it affects me as a single gay man. The added benefit of this to me has been priceless. If your urologist does not have these conversations with you or does not have an integrated sexual health doctor on their team, perhaps you can ask if they can refer you to someone. I just wanted to let you all know that this does exist in some urological practices.


Not very satisfying, but at least it's wet.

Right! It’s still wet! ...and I tell myself “well, at least I can still ejaculate something...which , at times, jis better than nothing, I guess”...LOL

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