Needing a little advice..... 🙏

[Positive2022]

Hi everyone, I haven't been on here for some time but have always found this a safe and suppotive place to 'talk'. I'm not sure if you can help, or anyone can relate, but i'm desperately seeking some comforting support as I feel quite alone right now. I hope I have posted in the right place.

My journey began a few years back.... to summarise.... fertility treatment .... very traumatic birth resulting in large postpartum haemorrhage, left me very unwell for months. Needed surgery and caused severe postpartum depression. In the middle of my recovery I was told my chances of conceiving naturally were poor and I would need IVF if I wanted another. Hit me very hard psychologically. Cue covid, all treatment stopped including talking therapy which at the time unearthed some historic trauma that I am still trying to process.

Fast forward to now .... I actually fell pregnant naturally which was a huge shock, very unexpected and I was thrilled. It was a stressful pregnancy, I had a haemorrhage in my first trimester and my progesterone levels were low but I made it to full term and delivered in August via c section.

However, since then my baby has been diagnosed with severe reflux, was admitted to hospital at 3 weeks and has suspected CMPA. My now 3 year old has been diagnosed with autism. The process of going through the autistic assessment has been long and very tough. In truth we have had very limited support. She is a very poor sleeper, wakes me at 4am most mornings and can have me up multiple times a night. She rarely naps and its a battle to get her to rest. She has made some amazing progress in the last few months with her speech but we are also seeing some more challenging behaviour at home which is affecting her routines such as getting washed and dressed, potty training etc. Combine this with my baby who has severe regurgitation and vomiting with feeds and a suspected milk allergy. I am literally on my knees. I'm dreading going back to work as I will have no help in the mornings with my children. A 10 min wash can take an hour with my daughter.

On top of this, we had a family bereavement just before Christmas, my father in law is unwell and deteriorating quickly (mother in law not coping), my nephew (only a few years old) is having cancer treatment and is very poorly (family not coping). I am supporting as much as I can (but not local).

I've been running off adrenaline since giving birth but it's hit me very hard all of a sudden. We have no local family who can support. My husband is my rock but is a policeman and so his hours are horrendous with forced overtime.

I'm starting to feel quite down. I feel like I need to give myself a massive kick, but the continual sleep deprivation is really taking its toll. My daughter has been in the sleep clinic maybe 4 times now. Health visitors non existent in my area. Even the GP said they are (and I quote) 'an appalling service'. The autistic centre where my daughter was diagnosed has been terrible, very poor communication, we have had to go through PALS twice just to get some communication from them. So where do I go for support?

Saw my GP yesterday and ive been started on fluoxetine. But as my situation is complex, it's hard to convey everything in the 10 min appointment. I feel that because I am so incredibly lucky and very very happy to have two beautiful children, I feel embarrassed seeking help.

Now I feel an utter failure for needing medication 😥

[Hidden]

Hello. I’m a mother to be so I don’t feel I can give you any constructive advise just yet as I’m clueless but I do want to just say YOU SEEM LIKE SUPERWOMEN!! Don’t you dare feel embarrassed for seeking help. You sound like you have been through and going through so much and it is ok to not be ok. You have a lot on your plate. If medication will help you then you do what is right for you. Sending you lots of blessings and hoping everything falls in to place for you again soon. Most people would feel the same in given situation! It’s good to let it out so I’m glad you have written here and hope people can support you with there own experiences also. Take Care

[Positive2022 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much for your kind words, your message has given me a real lift. Wishing you all the best with your pregnancy xxx

[XOXO13]

I’m also a mummy-to-be so I can’t offer any practical advice or support that’s useful to take away but I wanted to echo NewB1 and tell you that you are a superwomen!!! Do not underestimate just how much you have going on, it’s SO much and it sounds like while you’re starting to feel that pressure and struggle, you’ve handled it all so well and asked for help when needed. I really wish I knew where to point you for help… could you maybe make work aware of your situation to see if you can do flexi hours to help with routines at home as a starting point so that’s one less thing of your plate? Any local friends in your area that can provide support? Local groups or anything?

Sending you lots of big hugs. I hope others are able to offer more practical advice and support. Take care of yourself xxxx

[Positive2022 in reply to XOXO13]

Thank you so much, your kind words and advice mean the world ❤

[LB1234]

Wow, i'm exhausted just reading all you are going through. Well done for reaching out for help and please do not be embarrassed! Any of the things you have mentioned would be hard going by themselves, but with the combination you are doing amazingly well to keep things going.

Like the other replies, I'm limited with practical suggestions... I also live far from family so know how difficult it can be without that support. Are there any charities that can offer support for your daughter's autism? Even local support groups or something.

When are you due to be going back to work? Definitely worth speaking to them to explain the situation and how hard you are finding things - is there any support you can access via work? I know mine has an employee assistance program that covers a whole range of things.

It's frustrating that the GP hasn't been able to provide more practical support and instead has opted for medication! I am by no means an expert but you are bloody exhausted with no support and I don't think that's an illness!

Sorry I don't have any decent suggestions but didn't want to not reply, hopefully someone else can suggest something more practical. Sounds like you need an extra 24 hours in a day and 3 other pairs of hands! Go easy on yourself ❤️

[Positive2022 in reply to LB1234]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply and your advice has been really helpful. I'm definitely going to look into some local support groups ❤

[Pasaeoco01]

Hey there, wow what a lot to deal with all on top of feeling sleep deprived!!!I absolutely feel for you.

I do agree with previous posts but have a few other thoughts which I’ve noted here. They may not all be possible but just what came to mind.

Appreciate your husbands job but have you discussed with him how you’re feeling? Can he take the children when he’s not working so you can have naps? Or can he take some leave? You’re more important than his job.

Does your 2yr old attend a nursery or preschool at all to give some time just you and the baby to manage? I’m sure there are settings that could support her needs?

With regards to her autism diagnosis I did briefly Google charities that offer support, there seem to be a few, perhaps reach out for some support, even to just chat with other parents with similar experiences?

It sounds as if your family are also dealing with really difficult situations - be mindful that there’s only one of you! You can’t help everyone all the time, you mustn’t feel responsible for everyone although of course you want to help.

Most certainly you should speak to your employer - a tailored return to work program will help. Who will be your childcare, could you use this now just a little to both give you a rest snd also ease the children into their routine?

For me I think you have done fantastically well - reaching out for help is not easy snd you did it!!! Taking medication is nothing to be ashamed of. Accessing support snd help when needed should be applauded.

Keep talking and sharing how you’re feeling especially to you husband, sometimes it’s not obvious to others. He may think you’re doing a sterling job of ‘carrying on’!!

No idea if any of the above is helpful or practical but just things that came to mind.

Take care of yourself, prioritise you whenever you can. Don’t ever be afraid to go back to the GP if you’re still struggling

Xxx

[Pasaeoco01]

I was also just thinking…your baby was born in August, when are you returning to work? If it’s not for a while yet - don’t worry about it now! A lot can change between now and that time so unless it’s imminent don’t stress about it!!’ Save yourself the worry for another few months xx

[Positive2022 in reply to Pasaeoco01]

Thank you for your amazing advice, i've taken alot on board and will be putting things into action 💪 v grateful ❤