3 weeks post C section

[Seabird55]

I gave birth just over three weeks ago by emergency C-section. I had a traumatic birth and then my baby lost a lot of weight and had to be admitted to the neo natal unit for two nights, and then we had to go back to hospital because I had high blood pressure. We are now back at home, the little one is feeding really well and has gained weight. I'm breastfeeding.

My question is, how tired is normal? What should I be doing during the day. Feeling a bit lost / untethered as I'm not at work and feel guilty that my partner is doing all the household jobs because of the c section recovery. I just don't know what is normal. Is it bad that it is 9:00am and I haven't got dressed yet? Is is bad that some days I just want to sleep when baby sleeps? I don't feel productive and feel guilty about that. I don't know what is normal or what I should be doing besides looking after and feeding my baby. I don't know what is c section recovery tiredness and lack of stamina and what is normal three week post birth life. I still find walking for longer than 15 mins exhausting.

Any thoughts or advice much appreciated. Thank you.

[Purpledoggy]

Everything you describe is pretty normal as far as there is ever a normal-everyone and every birth is different. Honestly, give yourself a break. I had a planned CS so recovery a bit easier- I would shower some time in the afternoon when I remembered and put my pjs back on immediately! Visitors were a chore as I felt I had to put clothes on 😂 You are recovering from major abdominal surgery while caring for a newborn. That alone is a superhero feat. The only thing I would say to watch for is if the tiredness is getting worse and/or you don’t feel mentally ok-crying continually, loss of interest in everything you like etc. These may just be due to tiredness but can be signs of PND so talk to your GP and they can advise-they are hot on this stuff these days. Don’t ever feel you should be doing this that or the other. All that matters is you and your baby are safe and well, let everyone else take care of you for as long as you need Xx

[Seabird55 in reply to Purpledoggy]

Thank you so much. This is really helpful to know xx

[Hidden]

I agree with PurpleDoggy, everything you have described is completely normal. The lack of sleep is relentless and you just don’t function as normal for months - you aren’t supposed to do anything round the house for weeks anyway. Focus on baby and being rested and eat healthily so baby gets all the goodness - that’s your job for now. Sod getting showered or dressed for a few weeks. And just build up the walking gradually. You will suddenly find you feel more ‘normal’. I am 7 weeks post c section and at a wedding overseas and whilst I look ‘normal’ I always hit a wall at about 7pm and just don’t function anymore because of the cumulative sleepless nights - even if your baby is a good sleeper the feeding every 2-3 hours is just exhausting. I wish I could nap as even the floor moves when I look at it but I just don’t seem to have time.. I’ve never known tiredness like it.

Everyone is different so don’t feel under pressure to do more. Just go at your own pace. Well done for getting through the first few weeks - it will get easier I promise x

[Seabird55]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. Really helpful xx

[Hidden]

So I haven't had a C section - but really wanted to write that what you are feeling is totally normal postpartum. Don't feel guilty at all! X

[Hidden]

Hi there, I went through the same as you with emergency CS and delayed high blood pressure after preeclampsia. It was exhausting! We literally banned visitors for at least two weeks & I lived in our bedroom with bubba for that time. Only then did I feel able to start doing little things but even taking on the stairs was exhausting. With time things improved but I was definitely not doing housework for weeks. Take it easy & people will totally understand if you just have close family / friends. Equally I asked people to do little tasks for me and everyone was delighted to help. X Take care of yourself.x

[Seb9]

If you look up confinement after pregnancy in Asia, you'll see how different cultures think you should behave after pregnancy! In some places you're not expected to leave the house for the first 3 months and just stay at home.

We have it so backwards here, that we should be back up and running immediately after birth. You do not need to feel guilty about anything, put your feet up, rest, recover and hold that baby close.

You've just done the hardest 9 months of your life, partner would have to go some to be anywhere near the effort level you've achieved.

Tiredness level for me was extreme. I told my husband on about week two, that I thought he needed to call an ambulance as I thought I was having a stroke, because I couldn't reply to a text message because my brain and fingers couldn't coordinate. Fortunately he told me to try having a nap first and it did just turn out to be tiredness. I also left the house in my slippers a lot.

If you've had a birth that was traumatic, it's always worth reaching out to the hospital and going for a debrief about and talk through your experience. You could also speak to your gp about getting some support through the mental health teams. Do not minimise your experience, birth trauma is very real and you might need some support both you and your partner.

You don't have to do anything until you are good and ready, reach out to friends and family and tell them what you require from them. Get them to help cook, clean, shopping. People can be really willing to help, but not great at knowing what to do, so don't feel scared to tell them what you want. Even if it's just holding baby while you go for a shower and that if they want to visit they'll need to bring lunch!

At about 5 weeks I was bored and ready to go out with my first (I hadn't had a c section) so I started baby sensory classes and baby swimming lessons, would recommend both.

Congratulations on your baby, these first few months are intense, Fortunately because of the hormones and tiredness, it tends to become a bit blurry as time passes and you only really remember the good stuff, like the times they fall asleep on you and you have lovely snuggles, bath times and all the cute stuff. Good luck xxx

[GeeWidge]

Are you me???

I am now 6 weeks post emergency C section and still exhausted, the pain has improved but is still there on days when I overdo it. I also felt incredibly guilty at not being able to do my share of chores but actually you are doing a job - caring for your baby - which is a full time task! I am slowly accepting that actually there will be days where I get nothing done other than feed, change repeat. Some helpful advice someone gave me was ‘if you have a spare 5 minutes do what makes you feel more human in that time’ whether it is shower, load the dishwasher etc.

[Seabird55 in reply to GeeWidge]

Thank you. Very kind and helpful. Yes, last night / this morning has been a non stop feeding / changing cycle.

[SRA8]

As the other ladies have said, give yourself a break. You just grew and birthed a baby and are now continuing to feed that baby 24/7. The least your husband could do is some housework. Listen to your body and rest when needed.

[Jane_e]

You’ve no need to feel guilty, you’ve just had MAJOR surgery (3 weeks post op isn’t long!), plus you’ve just had a baby too!!! You’ve birthed a whole little human and had a big op and you’ve been in and out of hospital since then. Listen to your body, definitely nap when baby naps if you can. Your body needs time to heal as well, also those early days with a young baby are exhausting! Don’t feel bad for not feeling motivated… It’s still very early days. For a long time I would often nap when my baby napped, it’s hard looking after a baby. Also wanted to say a huge well done for establishing breastfeeding despite the traumatic birth and subsequent health issues with you and baby… BF is hard at the best of times but post op and illness it’s super hard, so you should feel super proud!! Sending biggest hugs! Things will get easier, but in the meantime be kind and patient with yourself, all you need to do right now is feed and snuggle with baby xxx