Birth right to chose c section.

[Jess1981]

Hi. Brief history- I have a 24 year old son ( natural birth no issues) 4 year old daughter ( bad tear that left me feeling traumatised after a fertility struggle) a death of our daughter at 20 weeks pregnant ( birthed but retained placenta theatre straight after birth as well blood transfusion as I lost 2.5 litres of blood) 3 early miscarriages ( one before our 4 year old) our youngest daughter was induced as I worried about her size she was 9 lbs 15 oz at 39 weeks. She got stuck and I had to have an assisted birth which led to her being admitted to neonatal ward which after losing our previous daughter was the worst experience for us.

Today I have had a 7 week scan ( measuring a bit behind but with a good strong heartbeat) and when my miscarriage specialist discussed births of my children I mentioned Eliza's who wax assisted and I said in my opinion she would've been better to be born via c section- she completely has lighted me. I don't know if I'm being sensitive but I was trying to broach as I want next baby to be c section ( as I'm terrified of same experience of Eliza happening again) I know it's a long long way off ( and many hurdles to jump through) but wanted to know how you get medical professionals to take you seriously ( I didn't feel she wax was supportive just laughing at us as we said no more children as we felt too traumatised by the journey getting there)

I have seen ladies requesting a c section for their own reason but wondered how you go about it and what you did to get the medical professionals to listen to your wants ( mine is because I'm frightened of same birth experience I had with my youngest - she wasn't breathing well and it was touch and go whether she would pull through it was very scary)

[HollieW]

Hi Jess, congratulations on your pregnancy. I have asked for an elective c section (I'm currently 36 weekd pregnant) as I had a very traumatic birth with my daughter and am also having a large baby (weighing 7.5 pounds at 35 weeks) my hospital were absolutely fine about this and told me it was 100% my decision.You need to push back on this as if you want a c section your wishes should be followed. Sorry you have had such a negative experience already x

[Jess1981 in reply to HollieW]

Thank you for that reassurance glad it was not an issue to request one. Sorry to hear you had traumatic birth experience. They are blaise over bigger sized babies and the complications that are associated with bigger babies ( the miscarriage specialist scoffed 9 lbs 15oz wasn't that big 😂) Not long now how exciting 😊 is your oldest excited? We didn't get that with Francesca as she is currently non verbal and severely autistic but she's been an amazing big sister and the bond her and Eliza have warms my heart ❤️ All the best with the rest of your pregnancy and hope all continues to go smoothly X.

[HollieW in reply to Jess1981]

The problem is you can get one person who is unhelpful and it impacts your whole experience. There is now clear guidance following the Ockendon Report that women have a right to choose how they birth and should be given all options, not just the one the medical professional wants. Brontë was over 10 pounds when born and I'm heading that way again so I want a c section to avoid all the complications I had last time. Some midwives/doctors seem to forget that whilst a pregnancy may be a happy time for some, for others it is deeply triggering and traumatic. More empathy would not go amiss! Brontë is excited to become a big sister but I don't think she really understands how things will change 😂

Good luck for the rest of your pregnancy and be sure to advocate what YOU want xx

[Materialbarbie]

Hi Jess! Congrats on this new baby, hope you are all well!

I would think you should be offered one anyway so I’m shocked as to how the dr could even behave like that! I’m sure with a traumatic birth you can request a C-section. Have you thought about possibly changing consultant?

They all should specialise in different areas so like mental health, gestational diabetes etc so you might have a mental health one there who would happily look after your care and get you on the right track?! I had awful time with Tommy so when I was pregnant with Charlie I rang to speak to the lead midwife who advised me on what to do as I wanted a different consultant and I’m so glad I did.

Hope you get sorted okay but stand your ground. It’s your body and your baby so push for what you want xxxx

[Jess1981 in reply to Materialbarbie]

thank you how are things with you? I suspect boys are growing up too fast! I know my girls are! Thankfully she is only involved in early weeks due to my colourful miscarriage history. I just want baby to be safe and I'm scared of that happening again so I will stand my ground 👏🏻 Xx

[Materialbarbie in reply to Jess1981]

All okay with us! They are growing sooo fast! It’s scary. Feeling broody again tho but don’t think that’ll happen for us but never say never 🤞🏼.

Deffo stand your ground, at least she’s only involved early on. It matter more closer to delivery etc but I think it’s knowing someone is on your side the whole way that makes you feel at ease. But it’s your body and your baby so you can have it whatever way you would like. That’s what I got told after tommy so that’s why I was certain I wanted one with Charlie xxx

[K8dferXdder]

Hey congrats on your pregnancy. I am 41 and gave birth 3 weeks ago. At my 8 week midwife appointment, I just mentioned to her I want C-section and she even didn’t ask me for the reasons, she just put it on the system and that’s it, I was never questioned till the end. I heard it depends on the hospital but you can say other people under NHS in other hospitals had elective C-section, you see no reason why you shouldn’t be able to chose. It is your birth and your choice, nobody should be forcing you anything. Good luck 🤞

[Jess1981 in reply to K8dferXdder]

Congratulations to you on the birth of your baby. That's wonderful your midwife was so supportive of your decision I hope mine are so good. My last pregnancy the midwife told me it was my right to chose how I wanted to birth- I chose an induction as I worried about looking after our daughter but with her weight it should've in hindsight been c section. Definitely decided that's what I will push for. Thank you Xx

[MrsOrangejuice]

I just said that's what I wanted. No relevant medical issues, baby was measuring big but not so big as to definitely need one, and it was just a case of running through the different options and risks either way and then ultimately let me choose. I know it can depend on the hospital and particular doctor how 'difficult' they make it for you but it's your body, your baby and your decision. Maybe it's because it's so early for you and you will hopefully have a different experience when you get further along and see different people. But just keep reiterating it's what you want and if you feel ignored or like your wishes and concerns aren't being listened to, ask to speak to someone else/to speak to their boss and ask how to complain.

[Jess1981 in reply to MrsOrangejuice]

Thank you I'm glad your decision was respected. Thankfully she is just my miscarriage specialist she was great when we having Eliza there was a junior dr so maybe she was gaslighting to impress him. Who knows. I won't see her after 12 weeks which I'm glad about ( I only see her to get my steroid coz no go would prescribe any). I will definitely mention it straight away to my midwife and hopefully get a better response. Women are so more vulnerable to medical gaslighting 🤦🏻‍♀️ Big congratulations on your pregnancy hope all goes smoothly for you Xx

[Kittykat198]

you can definitely request a section if that’s what you would like! Our consultant told us that they had to offer all options to me even though he strongly did not recommend a vaginal birth!

3 other women had elective sections (for non medical reasons) the day I had my baby. I was the only one for medical reasons! No one seemed to question it or act like they shouldn’t be there.

I have no experience of a vaginal birth but felt my section was fairly positive! Best of luck!

[Jess1981 in reply to Kittykat198]

Thank you. In my mind I think an elective section is better than an emergency one in terms of recovery. Congratulations on your baby glad it was a positive experience Xx

[PenguinBlue]

hi Jess, congrats on your pregnancy! I had a traumatic birth with my son and thought I would lose him. All very traumatising and I can’t remember parts of the birth now. When I was pregnant with my second, the midwives asked me about my birth at my booking appt and I burst into tears - I think I repressed a lot of it and didn’t realise. They referred me to the maternity trauma midwives in my trust and honestly, it was incredible. I’ll keep it short here but message me if you want more info on it (and hope it’s available to you where you are).

At all my antenatal appts, they always asked me about my preference and did the whole spiel on risks for c sections - tbh I found it irritating because it was clear in all my notes I’d had a bad experience and in each appt they mentioned I wanted one 🤷🏽‍♀️ but I also get the NhS is stretched and no one had the time… but all were understanding about my preference minus one midwife who was awful about it.

But I got my wish and the experience was amazing, really helped close having all my babies in such a positive way. I’d do it again in a heartbeat. As others have mentioned, it is your body and your choice. X

[Jess1981 in reply to PenguinBlue]

Thank you. That sounds like how my hospital would be they seek very anti c sections I think it's a financial thing than anything else. I think with my hospital I will have to push hard for it. I am so sorry to hear how awful your birth experience was. They took my baby off me without telling where they were taking her and if I think about it I could cry. Seeing her wired up with loads of medics about really has haunted me. My husband said after Eliza it is our right to have a c section. Congratulations on your second baby. Glad to hear the second baby was a more positive experience. I might ask for a referral to discuss thr mental damage the birth has done to me like you I blocked it out a bit. Xx

[PenguinBlue in reply to Jess1981]

They hopefully won’t be especially post the Ockenden Report where they said women should be able to advocate for the birth they want. Like I said only one midwife really made me feel bad about it, for the rest I just had to reiterate what I wanted over and over which was just draining emotionally.

Your birth sounds really tough and so sorry you had to go through all that. If you’re at the same hospital again you could ask for a birth debrief if you didn’t have one already?. It’s madness we have to be questioned about our preference like we don’t know what we want - it really makes me mad sometimes!! Hope you’re able to be referred and best of luck for the rest of your pregnancy - hope it and your birth are smooth xx

[SRA8]

Hi

I presume you'll be seeing an obstetrician. You don't need a 'valid' reason to ask for a c section. You can just ask for one and unless there is a medical reason why you shouldn't, you should be given one.

Congratulations and good luck.

[Jess1981 in reply to SRA8]

Thank you that is reassuring Xx

[claire16c]

I had a previous section and just said I wanted another one. It was easy to request I just had to have a meeting about it but they do that for all mums who had had sections at my hospital so I didn’t need to arrange anything which was lucky. But my friend had a bad tear and she also requested section the next time around. I’d bring it up after the 12week scan x

[Jess1981 in reply to claire16c]

Thank you. That is good to hear. I will bring it up early as possible that's what I want . Congratulations on your babies Xx

[claire16c in reply to Jess1981]

I think they have to offer it now so try not to worry x

[Seb9]

Congratulations on your pregnancy, what lovely news.

I listened to an audio book about hypnobirthing and it really helped me find my voice in my second pregnancy, I was much more confirm asking for what I wanted.

I had another induction and refused the hormone pessary on favour of the water balloon style. The midwife didn't try to talk me out of it, but they did tell me .. I'd have to wait longer because it had to be done by a doctor etc. And I just went, that's fine I can wait. After they broke my water, I wouldn't have the drip started till after I had a break and something to eat.

I don't know why but listening to the book helped me be a bit more assertive and less nervous of being firm about my decisions. Obviously I would still have listened if their were any issues with baby, but luckily everything went smoothly.

I've also been following a labour and delivery nurse called Jen Hamilton on Tiktok (even though I'm never doing it again lol) she's very good at talking about advocating for yourself and how medical professionals should behave. She's based in the US but a lot of what she's said had resonated with me.

I hope you have a wonderful pregnancy and the delivery that you want to have.

Congratulations again xxx

[MissSaoPaulo]

Wow, I've only just seen this. Congratulations!!! I know it's mixed feelings when people say that after what we've been through, but I'm so happy for you!! How are you and the girls doing?

Here it's over 80% elective c sections in private hospitals and it's difficult to find a Dr who accepts a vaginal birth - the insurance pays so little and they never know how long it's going to take!! I had a non-emergency c section after a failed induction and it was so calm, a really positive experience.

Sending big hugs to you all and best wishes for this pregnancy xxx

[Jess1981 in reply to MissSaoPaulo]

Thank you for such kind words but unfortunately I think I am having miscarriage no 5 ( this time at 9 weeks) I can't quite believe this is happening again to us we could never be so lucky to fall pregnant and have a baby not us we have to fight tooth and nail to have children it's not fair we really wanted this baby I feel such an idiot to even think we could be that lucky.

[MissSaoPaulo in reply to Jess1981]

I'm so sorry. I'm rarely on here nowadays and I've just seen this update. Sending you big hugs. It never gets easier, does it xxx

[Jess1981 in reply to MissSaoPaulo]

Thank you. It was confirmed at EPU the baby hadn't grown much and no heartbeat anymore- discussed all the options none sounded preferable but luckily my body has dispelled the pregnancy naturally itself 💔🥲 I'm taking loads of supplements according to my husband I'm rattling! 😂 Got my flu vaccination booked for Friday and hopefully the miscarriage specialist will send out blood forms for my thyroid profile ( my TSH is 4 but the clinic mucked up and didn't get enough blood to do the test -that was supposed to be part of my miscarriage testing 🤦🏻‍♀️) I am taking a break from health unlocked to recover physically and emotionally from it all. It's never gets any easier. Grateful for our daughters who snuggled in bed with me when I was having the miscarriage like they sensed something horrible was happening to me 💔 lots and lots of hugs with my girls. Use this time proactively and come back fighting & stronger wherever the future holds another baby for us or not.I hope things are ok with you? I know this journey has put you through hell. 🥲 I said it's always those who are shite parents that can't look after their children properly that can pop one after another with ease it is very unfair situation Xx