Right to request induction for labour? Midwife says it’s my choice and right. Sensitive content -Don’t read if you are frightened of birth

[Jess1981]

I’m sorry to post so frequently!

My growth scan showed my baby is looking quite big estimated 5 lbs 11oz at 33 weeks and 6 days. She has had a huge growth spurt on her chart! Tummy measuring over. 96% on centile chart which sonographer said is the biggest indicator of a bigger sized baby.

My grown up son was only on 7% percent centile chart but my daughter was 75% centile chart.

I had a very difficult birth with my daughter due mainly to do with her hand was behind her head and I had an awful tear from it that wasn’t far from my bum. My daughters heartbeat dropped during the pushing stage as I was struggling to get her out and was blamed by the midwife for not pushing properly when I was doing my best. the stitches were horrendous and I was in agony whilst my stitches were being done but midwife used as a show and tell to a junior midwife. I went into huge shock and it was my mum who put blankets over me as I was shaking and the midwife hadn’t even noticed. My daughter got so distressed she popped inside me and cried for an hour after birth. It took us 7 years to conceive her and it should’ve been a wonderful moment. It took me a year to repair from the tear - I was close having surgery as it was that bad but had physio which helped then Covid happened. I did make a formal complaint and it was of such serious nature the maternity manager came to my house to discuss she did apologise for such bad care ( this is before Covid) I wanted to save another lady having a bad experience like mine. To this day we are both still traumatised.. I know a lady posted about C sections and some people think natural birth is better in terms of recovery in my daughters case not so! Every birth comes with risks.

Anyway after losing our second daughter at 20 weeks pregnant November 2020 I ( had lost birth complications with her due to retained placenta and haemorrhage and had a blood transfusion due to dropping iron levels)and 2 earlier miscarriages we are 35 weeks pregnant tomorrow.

This is very wanted and special baby. I am concerned by my previous births and the size of my baby. Also I have had 3 previous endo surgeries which I have scar tissue on the outside of my uterus and believe me the scar tissue hurts more in labour. I live an hours drive away from my local hospital and my births are very quick 6 hours with my son (no pain relief or complications) Francescas was 5 and a half hours and Amelias was 5 hours. I want to have sufficient pain relief as none of the pain relief I’ve had with my girls has touched the sides with them ( the endo scar pain is horrendous in labour) I want an epidural ( never had time to get one with my girls not enough time !) but living so far away and sorting out childcare for our toddler might mean I don’t get there in time for one. I like the idea of it being organised and knowing when it’ll happen. This is how I would want to choose it to be.

The midwife says it’s a women’s right to decide how she chooses to birth her child and they will accommodate their wishes. They want to support the mum to be. She says I would have to discuss this further with a consultant as she can’t authorise it.

Is she right that I can request an induction on non medical grounds? Has anyone had any success with doing this? Xx

[KiboXX]

Hey lovely,

I have no experience with this type of situation but I think when it comes to birth, you have the right to choose how you want your baby to be born. Some consultants are more understanding then others but I think if you plead your case strongly enough, you should be able to get what you want especially as baby is measuring on the bigger side. A friend of mine was induced due to baby’s size but as it was non-urgent, she did have to wait for a space and that took 3 or 4 days.

I’m so sorry to hear about your birth experience with Francesca. It does sound like unfortunately you had an awful midwife! I was induced with Phoebe due to reduced movements and despite being back to back my labour experience was a positive one and I do think a huge part of that was how amazing the midwife was. Can you ask your midwife to put a note on your birth plan that you’ve had a previous traumatic birth and a bad experience with poor care as well so however is with you for your birth this time really understands what you’ve been through x

[Jess1981 in reply to KiboXX]

Thank you.

I did have a dreadful midwife and the care was poor with Francescas birth, Luckily I had my husband and mum with me ( my mum joined us once I’d had Francesca) she was extremely reprimanded for it. I hope she has learnt from it!

My midwife said I can discuss a birth plan with a consultant if I want to go down induction route even with Francesca I never had a midwife do a birth plan. They told me they don’t do them anymore. I had a birth plan with my son.

I’ve had really good maternity care throughout this pregnancy can’t fault the midwives drs or health assistants they have been very supportive and have accommodated me with extra scans etc to put my mind at ease. I’m hoping they can agree this with me as it would make things so much easier! The midwife did say it was the women’s choice on how they choose to birth their child and that consultants usually agree with whatever mum feels most comfortable with . They say these things but is it as easy as they make out to be 😂😟 it’s the same hospital so in theory they know my history but I will write notes and remind them 😏

How many weeks are you now? Im 35 weeks pregnant tomorrow it is going very quickly. We sorted through Francescas baby clothes yesterday ( 3 bin bags worth 😱🙈) and now we know what we are short as Francesca was a summer baby but Elizas a winter baby! Got a double buggy in the sales ( but I won’t have it built until Eliza us here safely) after Amelia I’ve been funny about getting things. How are things your end? I hope all is going smoothly Xx

[KiboXX in reply to Jess1981]

I really hope you get a lovely consultant and are able to have the birth you want 🥰 35 weeks isn’t long to go! Hope you’re otherwise feeling ok.

Almost 26 weeks now! We found out we are having a boy this time 💙 I’m in that nice bit now where I’ve got energy back and not feeling sick so trying to enjoy it whilst it lasts!x

[Jess1981 in reply to KiboXX]

Ooh the the second trimester blissful 😍congratulations on your son how lovely to have one of each 🥰 most of the consultants there are nice . I’ve seen most of them with my gynae and fertility issues! 😂🙈there was only one I didn’t like at EPU when I had my last miscarriage who asked why I was crying and told me to be grateful to have any children it was also my first time back to the hospital since Amelia 🥲 ( bearing in mind partners weren’t allowed in at that time) Trying to organise everything getting there now slowly! Going to be totally different having a baby with a toddler 😬 trying to cook up lots of meals as we have Francesca to consider! I remember us just eating toast when Francesca was a newborn baby 😂 Francesca has such a delicate tummy I have to be careful what I feed her no processed food it’s not good for anyone really. How old is Phoebe now? Francesca will be 3 this June crazy how fast it’s gone! They don’t stay babies for long! She has major tantrums it’s funny my son hardly threw a wobbler 😂 they are so very different! Enjoy the second trimester 😁 Xx

[KiboXX in reply to Jess1981]

God he sounds like a complete asshat! I never understand people who say stuff like that 🤯

Phoebe is 15 months so will be 18/19 months when new baby arrives depending on when he makes an appearance 🥰 She’s already having tantrums, got the foot stamping down to a tee 😂 xx

[Bella_Bee]

Oooooft! No advice as such but just wanted to send a virtual hug. Francesca's (such a cute name btw) birth sounds horrific, I'm so sorry. You're so brave for wanting to attempt it again. Kudos. If it were me I'd be going for a full general anesthetic after that! Yikes.. Keep us posted. No such thing as "posting too much". I'm really invested in a healthy happy birth experience for you now and you were there for me since my very first super faint 5dp5dt test all those centuries ago!!!! 😅

[Jess1981 in reply to Bella_Bee]

Aww thank you. Francescas birth was definitely the worst of the 3 I’ve had so far! I was so unlucky with the poor care I received. I had a very positive birth experience with my first child ( my son whose now grown up and a dad himself! That’s another story😂 but he is living and engaged to the mother) It seems ages ago doesn’t since we took a test 😂 I’ve booked up a review appointment after my scan to try implement a plan with consultant. It’s been nice to have someone else to share it with. Our friends with children are much older and at school etc they think we are mad to have a baby at 40 😂 it took forever to have Francesca whilst they were having babies! I would worry about looking after Francesca recovering after a Csection I think if she was older and understood better ( she’s only 2 years and 7 months) I would be very tempted 😘 but as hubby says if that is the safest way of delivering Eliza then we will find a way of dealing with it & it would be ok. Time is going crazy fast. Can’t believe I’m 35 weeks pregnant tomorrow 😁 can’t wait to meet her but still have a few bits to get ready not much time with a toddler 😂🙈 are you are all ready?! Xx

[Bella_Bee in reply to Jess1981]

Hahah.. you make me smile so much. Look, I know I appear like a grumpy ungrateful bastard but the entire pregnancy has been pretty miserable for me. How anyone chooses to do this a second time is completely beyond me! I just need my baby in my arms now. Constipation, hemorrhoids and mood swings can truly do one!

Nope, not ready but getting there. Prepared my hospital bags the other day. That felt big. I don't know if I've mentioned that I chose to do this on my own so it's tough, I won't lie, but I've never felt so excited in my life. What's left on your checklist?

[Jess1981 in reply to Bella_Bee]

Haha not at all. Pregnancy is very tough physically on the body especially as we age 🙈 I remember when I birthed my son I was there wondering why on Earth people choose to do it again seemed madness! 😂 I think it’s coz your baby looks so cute and you just forget you just think aww another one would be nice! This is my 4th baby ( but one has a pair of angel wings) Definitely this is my last baby! We wanted Francesca to have a younger sibling and definitely we are done after this one. It’s the cost too 2 is enough to pay for . I do hear of people with 5 kids and don’t know they manage financially ! 😱

I think you are brave going alone, I was a single mum with my son until he was 11 when I met my husband. I was lucky I have supportive family and friends that made a difference I think if you have the support it’s ok lots of children have one parent and are fine. My late Aunty raised 2 sons on her own and one has a very successful business ( the other one has Down’s syndrome) they didn’t know their dads but aren’t affected by it at all. She was older mum too. Tbh men do get in the way a bit! I find it easier when Oli is at work and I have my routine with Francesca. I know that sounds mean it but I think most mums would also agree with me. Francesca isn’t good if attention is off her🙈.

When they are little they tend to just want mummy anyway Francesca still mainly wants me. Hubby has felt pushed out at times but they are getting get a good bond now and I think once I’ve had the baby he will take her to soft play on a Saturday and I might get some quality time with the baby without her older sister pushing in! He’s a good dad and has looked after Francesca when I’ve needed a break. The room looks like a bomb has gone off afterwards 😂🙈 Francesca certainly had fun! It will be a whole new level of chaos when the next one is here! 🙈😂 certainly have our work cut out😂

You should feel excited it is exciting times are ahead 😍 all you have to do is look after your baby and not have stress trying to make it ok with a man with the whole new dynamic some ways it’s easier alone , babies do put a huge stress on couples ! We found the transition stage difficult even tho we spent 7 years trying for Francesca! You 2 will be such a close unit 😍

I have just got to cook some more meals and buy a few more bits luckily as we are having another little girl we are reusing Francescas baby stuff big money saver. I’ve had to buy a double buggy as my biggest expensive item. The other bits are quite cheap.

When are having your Csecion? Xx

[Seb9]

Hey, I'm not sure if you have done already, but I listened to a hypnobirth audio book during my pregnancy, I found a lot of it not really relevant to me, I'm not huge in affirmations etc. But I did really like the way it talks about really advocating for yourself and not being scared to ask for things the way you want it. If you want it quiet then asking for voices to be kept low, the lights to be how you want them and how to talk about things to you, like contractions sounding painful, but surges being more positive etc. So they say you're having a surge not contraction. I had an induction in September because of slow growth, my first was induced for the same reason. My first I had a hormone pessary and it hurt so much I was uncomfortable just going into labour and I really couldn't bare the idea of another one, the actual labour but went OK and I had an epidural and was able to relax but it was a long uncomfortable day. I also didn't realise after they started me on the drip I couldn't eat anything, so I only had a yoghurt.

So this time I asked for a balloon induction to open my cervix without drugs, it took a lot longer as it needed a doctor to do so there was a lot of waiting around, but I held my ground and stayed relaxed but assertive. After talking to the midwife and doctor I manage to skip the balloon bit entirely and they just broke my waters as I was dilated enough.

I then asked for a break between the waters breaking and going on the drip so I could eat, turned out they had a 24hr menu so I had a lasagne at 10pm and went on the drip at midnight, was handed the gas and air and they left me too it, they were outside monitoring baby, but just me and husband in the room, he tried to get some rest and I laid in bed listening to a book while my contractions built. Baby was born at 4.42 and I had a little bit of Pethadine in the last few minutes but managed without the epidural this time.

I think because I felt more in control of my care and what I wanted, it was a much better experience.

It also goes through staying calm if you're choices change, like if you have an induction but then need a c section etc how to deal with those situations but stop remain in control and calm.

I think if you'd like to be induced and that's not against medical advice on any safety grounds then definitely ask and be confident in your choice. Not long now though, wishing you all the best for an amazing birth xxx

[Jess1981 in reply to Seb9]

Thank you for such an informative response your responses are always so helpful. Lots to consider. I had just gas & air and it didn’t do much for the pain and I just felt really spaced out 😔 I had an injection with some diamorphine and morphine ( they knew she had died before I was induced) with my late daughter but not even that worked the issue is I have major scar tissue around my uterus from 3 surgeries I had with my endometriosis if it wasn’t for that it would’ve been effective pain relief I’m sure. I want to be more in control of birth plan and within reason have the birth I want it to be a positive experience. Absolutely I will accept I may need a c section it’s not my first choice as I have a toddler to look after I think that would be difficult but if it’s the safest way to get her then we have to find a way to manage. The induction with my late daughter was a nicer way to have a baby not worrying about mad rushes to the hospital as my labours are so fast and getting someone to look after our toddler as well as having the option of better pain relief. It was a much calmer way of doing it- with my late daughter I took a tablet 48 hours orally which I had to take at the hospital in view of staff before I was due to come to the hospital then had a pessary inserted whilst at hospital as the tablet hadn’t brought labour on. Obviously that was a very different situation with a live baby it’s different l With my toddler my mucus plug went at midnight contractions were regular and by 2 am we left by the time we arrived I was 7cm dilated! I think as my first birth had been such positive experience I had no reason to suspect it would be so difficult that time - I wanted a natural water birth with just gas and air but the birth was much more difficult than I expected it to be, the recovery time took a year in hindsight a c section would’ve been better than that tear I had. I also didn’t expect the scar tissue to be such an issue as it was ( surgeries a longtime post first child) I don’t think I was as prepared as I should’ve been and this time I will be better prepared. I’m glad you had a better experience and had the birth you wanted . It’s not right we have to stand our ground so firmly but it is what is I’m prepared I will have to stand my ground on this Xx

[Liberty82]

You're absolutely able to request an induction, im surprised you haven't been offered one as rcog recommend inducing mothers aged 40 plus to reduce certain risks. I'm 39 and had my first baby 9 weeks ago, it took me 8 years to have her so due to anxiety I asked to be induced at 39 weeks, this was no issue but it seemed it was too early for baby as the early part of induction failed (the balloon catheter didn't fall out) so I was told that going further my chances of emergency section were high, this was before they'd even broken my waters so I requested an ELCS and although they tried to talk me out of it I stayed firm. My ELCS went like a dream, no pain just some mild discomfort the next day and by 5 I was out walking the dog. I'm over weight and pushing 40 so I didn't expect it to be so easy. Best friend had an ELCS in July and she's 40, hers went similarly to mine. Would you think about requesting an ELCS? I think given your past experiences they'd offer you one no problem although you do have to pretty adamant it's what you want. I'm planning on trying for another baby in the spring and even though my daughter will still be small when we have number 2 after my c section recovery I've no fears. It took my sister longer to get over her natural birth and she would say hers wasn't too bad but she did tear. X

[Jess1981 in reply to Liberty82]

Congratulations on your daughter. Thank you for sharing your experience. I’m not sure why I haven’t been offered unless it’s coz this isn’t my first baby? I need to consider my options carefully and discuss with an obstetrician. I will go with whatever is the safest method to have my baby- after Francesca I am scared if another birth like that. The care was poor. Unfortunately when I was in labour with Francesca there was only 1 obstetrician on duty and he was busy with another lady doing an emergency c section. Of course she came in the early hours of the morning when less staff on 😬I think I worry about looking after Francesca but my sister thinks if it’s a bigger baby I should just get a c section. Depending on her estimated size they may well recommend one. I least want an induction with better pain relief and I want reassurances if my baby is distressed they get her out ASAP, I had enough on them with Francescas birth to get legal action against them but it’s normally such a good hospital I didn’t pursue that road but I did make a formal complaint against that midwife so she doesn’t do that to any other lady. Good luck trying for number 2 Xx

[MissSaoPaulo]

Can't believe this has come around so quickly and Eliza (love it) is almost here. Just wanted to put in that a pretty high percentage of people I know who were induced ended up having a c section anyway, so that's also something to be prepared for. That being the case, would you consider an elective section? If you've got family around to help out with Francesca for maybe the first two weeks or so it wouldn't be too bad (based on my experience of c section recovery) When it's elective there are fewer complications and you can plan ahead, have your music on, no stress, ask the Drs not to talk (wish someone had given me this tip, while my precious daughter was being born they were discussing where to go for lunch!!) Best of luck whatever you decide. Hope it all goes smoothly and can't wait for your updates xxx

[Jess1981 in reply to MissSaoPaulo]

Aww thank you. It’s going quick now and we still have a few bits to do luckily most of Francescas baby items are going to be reused 😁

I really need to consider my options carefully and discuss the pros and cons with the obstetrician. I definitely want to avoid a birth like Francescas was! I think what puts me off is the recovery and looking after Francesca who has no concept of personal space 😂🙈 she does climb all over me! My sister thinks if baby is big I should book for a c section. I think if Francesca wasn’t as young it would be a no brainier. My husband will have 2 weeks off paternity leave which he’s fully paid for. He says we have to go with safest option of getting Eliza out and we will find a way of coping. My parents are both retired and my mother in law only works 2 days a week which by summer she is going to stop. Our family are nearby which we are lucky to have.

I can’t believe the drs were discussing lunch at that time how insensitive 😔 it’s not like you are out out like a general anaesthetic 😔 I can’t believe they did that at such a special moment you had spent such a longtime waiting for 😟

How are things going with you? Xx

[MissSaoPaulo in reply to Jess1981]

It's a tough one - I wouldn't fancy recovering from a c section right now either with Millie jumping everywhere like a lunatic!!We're pretty good. Trip to UK next month, first time seeing my family in over 2 years. Millie was 4 months old the last time we were there. Hope Covid behaves itself and doesn't mess up our plans!!

She's just started nursery and thankfully she LOVES it, she cries when I pick her up 🤦‍♀️

[LB1234]

Hi there

Not from personal experience but I remember an ex colleague of mine requested an induction. She'd had a rough ride of it as well due to previous miscarriages and a traumatic late loss and was finding pregnancy difficult mentally. So although there was no physical reason for her to have one, she requested it as it was what she felt she needed to help her cope.

Can't remember the details but I think they were pretty supportive, although like you have said, had to jump through the relevant hoops to get it agreed via a consultant.

Wishing you all the best whatever happens x

[Hidden]

Hi I would check the birthrights website as they have a lot of information on what you have a right on regarding pregnancy and birth. birthrights.org.uk Congratulations and hope everything goes well!!

[Jjleo]

I would also be mindful that what they measure the baby is not always 100% accurate. When my mother had my sister they thought my sister was going to be over 10 pounds and advised my mother to have a cesarean as they thought she would struggle with the birth. She ended up having a natural birth and baby was 7 pounds 4 so not huge at all my mother was all water in the end haha! X