Thread to help those suffering with birth trauma

[Afrohair]

Hi there I thought I'd create this thread for people to vent about their birth experiences I've noticed since the birth of my daughter 10 days ago there's not much support there are health visitors and midwives but I'm finding the support inadequate for example this morning I get a call from the midwife after having a c sec still wearing a catheter after bladder injury during c sec.

can I make my way to the children centre to weigh baby ??

I mean I've just had a traumatic birth c section and injury to bladder but I'm expected to walk to the children centre with catheter in and baby in toe.no how are you ?

and also she forgot to put phone down and heard her explaining to another person how I can't come in by the by midwife is coming to weigh my baby later.but where is the support for mummies ?

I don't mean a silly questionnaire either what all mums get but midwifes should at least ask how mums are all I've had is people demanding and telling me what to do since I had my baby bear in mind 4th baby .me and some ladies had the same discussion in hospital.in labour I was refused gas and air as they didn't think I was gone far enough then told my birth plan won't go ahead so went with what they said and there the ones who damaged my bladder.just want people to talk here if they are still struggling with their birth experiences!

Found I have two incisions instead of one. I've now been able to look at my scar after 10 days after refusing to look and wanting to put everything behind me I've not consulted on the full events of what happened in surgery as I've been avoiding it I can't change what happened I have to live with it .but at same time I'm grateful my daughter is here and alive but it dosent change the trauma I'm feeling x

If any ladies are struggling with what they experienced at birth please comment here so we can help each other I will keep boosting my thread up for new mums

[AllWeNeedIsluv]

Your entitled to a debrief with your hospital to go through everything what happened at the birth and why. I went through it with mine at my last birth. They are called "birth matters" not sure if they are called the same thing in each hospital but your health visitor can refer you mine referred me.xz

[Afrohair in reply to AllWeNeedIsluv]

Thanks love x

[gillyl]

If you're on Instagram there is a really good account called @mixing.up.motherhood - Illy is a midwife but also does birth debriefs. Worth a follow

[Afrohair in reply to gillyl]

Thankyou x

[Shopper85]

I had a traumatic birth experience i wish I'd known a few things from my midwife that I saw regularly as it would have helped me out. She was a young 20 year old and I'm not sure she was good enough for me

[Afrohair in reply to Shopper85]

I'm so sorry it's not nice is it ?ive had 3 what haven't gone to plan but this one made me soo soo angry and upset like I've got no control over my own body and had no say in anything during labour the person who did my surgery practically blamed me for what she did and was only a young girl too I would say she was around 26 years old.and I could hear them talking when they made the mistake keep having flashes but nothing I can do to repair my bladder.did you have a normal birth or c sec ?forceps ?induced

[Shopper85 in reply to Afrohair]

I had an emergency c section. Wanted one to begin with but they said as I am low risk and healthy we encourage vaginal birth. I did have to have extra scans for growth so was flagged up as a big baby. I was over due they popped waters to get labour started & discovered meconium in waters and my contractions weren't coming quick enough & baby was quite big and showing not much sign of coming down, so they decided on c section, had low dose epidural I should have had full dose. Then got to theatre and I could feel alot of pressure and pain I screamed to say it really hurts and then they put me under general. Got stripped away from my husband & never saw baby born. But woke up to husband holding my baby all wrapped up and clean and handed to me like a gift.. was in a daze felt so slow in my vision and speech but it all hit me when it wore off. So basically what I am saying is that I wish they told me to have an elective c section from the start when baby was flagged up as being big and then I could have been prepared & experienced less trauma

[Afrohair in reply to Shopper85]

Mine was supposed to be elective but she came early and your right that's there negligence again !

[Shopper85 in reply to Afrohair]

Thank you , I am seeking to obtain the hospital notes as it is confidential I have to fill.out a form and request it with my ID... be interesting to see what happened step by step

[Afrohair in reply to Shopper85]

My midwife has just referred me to go over what happened apparently they can get hold of notes with my permission think it's some kind of therapy not sure

[Shopper85 in reply to Afrohair]

You're so lucky they won't for me

[Afrohair in reply to Shopper85]

You could try ring your midwife has it gone past 6 weeks?you are still under care even if they discharge you .also look at the birth trauma association website you have to pay a fee but there's lots of people been through it.

I was just thinking about my first c sec and lots of factors have added to my negative birth experiences so I'm hoping they can help me it's not just the birth it's the people who were or weren't there like my mum.I still don't have answers why she wasn't there for me I will never get the answers as she now suffers with dementia she's in her 50s now but this was 7 year ago.I guess I didn't realise how bad it's affected me also my ex partner was there and he was useless I think it all contributed in me having my first c section the midwives didn't comfort me when I was panicking about the birth and my then partner was useless only panicked with me I had a birth what you had I was put to sleep then woke up with a baby partner wasn't allowed in I've had no real explanation as to why I had a c sec that day only that I bled too much but there was no evidence of this it was their opinion.then two more afterwards it saddens me.

[Shopper85 in reply to Afrohair]

Hi yes it is last 6 weeks she said go.on website and contact a different department. I also bled alot , my husband was told this. No one actually came after the birth to talk to me about the actual birth. They just continued with the maternity after care eg feed your baby, give me my medicines ans lunch etc. I wish someone came and explained and they did to my hubby but not to me

[Afrohair in reply to Shopper85]

Does hubby know any further information?I do know if you bleed a lot they offer emergency c section but thing is you are supposed to loose a certain amount of blood in my case they just said I'm loosing I didn't need a blood transfusion and neither did you by the sounds of it therfore they neglected you and just did what was best for them not you ,after birth the consultant who did the c sec should have chat with you x

[Shopper85 in reply to Afrohair]

I never saw the doctor who did my c section but I did have the nurse who looked after me throughout out and she was a little stand off ish and wasn't very talkative I believe she knew I experienced trauma and didn't want to say too much maybe they were expecting me to say something to them and I didn't as I was foggy from the general anaesthetic. I did in fact have a blood transfusion as I lost blood during the c section and they said they didn't know why!! 😠

[Afrohair in reply to Shopper85]

So during the c sec you had blood transfusion?ok interesting .so not before c section you need to find out if you was loosing before the c sec as that can be a reason for c section.yes need to look into that

[Shopper85 in reply to Afrohair]

Hi I had a blood transfusion 2 or 3 days after c section via a drip which took 2 hours to go in so I was aware of it etc but wasn't really explained why I needed it until I was told. I said why do I need this she said because u lost alot of blood , I'm like I only knew this 3 days later

[Afrohair in reply to Shopper85]

Wow how long was you in hospital

[Shopper85 in reply to Afrohair]

4 days as originally went in for an infection GBS then started me on antibiotics. As I was overdue they said stay, & we will get your labour started. So once popped waters they discovered meconium in fluid so they started me on oxytocin drip + Epidural got some contractions. But the report monitoring the baby showed that she wasn't coming down anytime soon was cosy inside me :), so they said we don't have time to wait for me to be fully dialated for baby to come naturally as baby is at risk of infection now so I went from low risk to high risk and decided on c section

[Hidden]

I had an emergency c section at 36 weeks as I had Covid. Needless to say the experience was not nice as there are no clear guidelines or experience on how to handle pregnant women with Covid- even the symptoms present differently. Thankfully due to the excellent work of a number of doctors I have a beautiful healthy baby. I agree with the support though the day after going home I had midwifes calling from8am to say they were coming to my house that day. Given that I had been in hospital days before giving birth I didn’t even get 24 hours to enjoy being at home. Having Covid was traumatic and I am only finding out now how I was treated in hospital and how close my daughter and I came to not making it. The after care in my opinion is appalling I have been harassed my midwives and health visitors non stop for the first few weeks whilst still recovering from Covid. I asked if I could decline the visit and was threatened with social services. So they basically force their will on you and you have no choice. I declined the health visitor video call as they missed two appointments and then called me non stop for hours - complete harassment. We had to travel to go for the hearing test which during a lockdown and in flu season is not pleasant. I think the whole ‘checklist’ needs to be updated to actually accommodate the mothers situation. Despite this I’m grateful for the health staff as they are doing their best often with limited info and resources. In answer to your question about handling the trauma I look at my beautiful baby and it makes it all worth it I try and focus on being thankful she’s healthy and alive stay strong and congratulations on your baby

[Afrohair in reply to Hidden]

I'm so sorry you had a bad experience that's how I feel with health visitors midwives at mo complete harassment to visit .tho my health visitors is lovely my community midwife is awful and only contact me for her benefit.I can't believe they threatened you with social services that's disgusting my health visitor rang my midwife yesterday saying she will give the weight of my baby to her she still insisted since my cafater is coming out I should go to the children's centre I won't be going my daughter is healthy when she gets to two years old they won't even care what my daughter is doing !sorry you had Covid must of been hard did you have support from a partner or friend in the hospital xx

[Hidden]

We were discharged from the midwifes after the second visit as everything was fine so they already lost interest, it was all pointless if you ask me all that fuss just for weight data and to ask me how I am. I don’t blame you how are you supposed to go out with kids a baby, catheter and just after a c section- so shocking there needs to be better support and understanding in situations like yours. My husband was allowed to the hospital just before I had the c section he wasn’t allowed in the theatre and do that was really scary for me and he was allowed to stay for an hour after birth- because I had Covid. They wouldn’t give him any info on the phone in the days before he literally did not know if we were dead or alive. The head midwife told him to get out an hour after the birth then let him stay a while longer. He was the one who fed me food helped clean me up handed me baby made up my bed. Is your husband around to help? Hope you have some support

[Afrohair in reply to Hidden]

That sounds awful so sorry you experienced that luckily my partner was allowed in the c section I'm so glad he did considering what happened but had to leave an hour after .with my last baby I had a similar experience I was in emergency care as I couldn't pick up my baby or feed her I'd sit for hours watching her cry feeling helpless so I know what it feels like when you literally can't move or function.my husband has been amazing support since I had the baby the only thing what baffles me is that he only gets 2 week paternity leave he has took some leave as holiday !well 10 days recovering and he would only have 4 days left if he had initial leave.

[Hidden]

It's pretty disgraceful. I'm sorry that happened to you. I had a very traumatic induction that went a bit wrong. Followed by multiple traumatic experiences that triggered a lot of stuff for me. My epidural failed and I ended up needing vacuum and then forceps and still had 3rd degree tear and prolapse that will need surgery. I plummeted after having the baby to the point I was admitted to a mother and baby unit for 8 weeks. Diagnosed with PTSD and PND. The psychiatrist there actually accessed my notes from labour and helped me to write a formal complaint. It's being investigated now. I'd encourage you to complain formally. If you can bring yourself to do so. I am seeing the perinatal team now since I got home a few weeks ago and they've been great.

[Afrohair in reply to Hidden]

So sorry about that birth trauma is very real my health visitor is lovely and has asked me to think about complaining before my 6 week check just till I get my head around everything and come to terms with it x

[Hidden in reply to Afrohair]

Yeah definitely take your time. It's traumatising in itself just to write it and relive it. I hope you can still enjoy baby and remember you absolutely did nothing to deserve this. Those supposed professionals should be ashamed. So many women seem to suffer such sheer trauma and no one talks about. Almost expect us to just get on with it and be grateful for our babies. Which we are, of course. But we are still human and deserve compassion and having and being grateful for a healthy baby is an entirely separate issue to experiencing and being affected by a traumatic birth. Take care. And many congratulations

[Abs1403]

By comparison to some of the experiences I've read about on here my birth experience wasn't so bad, was still nothing like I had wanted it to be. I think the bit I find so baffling is, before I had my LB I was trying to adopt - it was before I met his daddy and life changed dramatically, but the hoops I was having to jump through were crazy. Rightly so, because of the trauma adopted children have often faced but and this is the thing... if HV and Midwifes paid enough attention then maybe they wouldn't end up in care in the first place. Since I had my LB the midwife came out twice and the HV has been once for a routine and a second time to check weight again as he'd dropped more than they were comfortable with on the centile. Anyway, since then absolutely nothing. He's my first baby, in the hospital I wasn't shown how to breastfeed or bathe the baby and since coming home I've had no support from the HV at all. I do wonder what the point is! Thank god for google and parenting books, and a very experienced sister who is on hand to help with any random query I have!

[Afrohair in reply to Abs1403]

I'mSorry you've had such a traumatic experience with your start in parenting we don't expect that !I do think care has gone down hill since my son 15 year ago as I got lots of advice then but also had my mum who was helpful but not everyone has a mother figure to help.I think it's disgusting they think they have a right to involve social services .it's funny because I wanted adequate care in hospital when I said I think I should stay an extra night I was told I can't stay forever like she thought I was on holiday or something I just wanted to ensure I had healed well.the attitude is very much going by stuff they have learnt on paper than proper experience. I found some midwives so insensitive you really can't believe it the constant checks of if your baby is feeding is ridiculous

[Afrohair]

XX

[Positive2022]

I'm so sorry to hear about your traumatic birth. I couldn't read and run. I am still upset about my birth trauma two years on. Prolonged back to back labour, ventouse delivery, poorly healed episiotomy needing surgery, large postpartum haemorrhage. Formal apology received from the hospital as I did not receive a blood transfusion when I should have been offered one which led to so many complications including severe postnatal depression. I truly believe this was due to the PPH. I couldn't breastfeed due to being so clinically anaemic and couldn't produce any milk. Massive push from Midwives to breastfeed despite my inability to produce milk. They made me feel a failure. I was in tears so many times with the 'professionals' and the final straw was at my postnatal check. I said how unwell I was feeling and how low I felt. The doctor hadn't read my notes and said that my PPH wasn't classed as 'significant'. I left in tears and was made to feel like I was making a fuss about nothing. Lost all confidence and didn't seek help for another 6 months. Finally after changing GP surgeries, I started to feel like I was receiving the support I should have had in the beginning but by this point I had missed the boat on seeing the Perinatal MH Team. Truly awful postnatal support which I would not wish on my worse enemy. Please do PM me if you want to chat further. I'm so sorry for what you have been through. Sending love and BIG hugs xxx

[Afrohair in reply to Positive2022]

I'm sorry you have had a tough time too everyone of my births except my 1st has been traumatic and I can't look back at them with happiness the only happiness I endure is after the baby arrives but I try to forget the actual birth.It's awful how they pushed you to breastfeed my last daughter I decided to breastfeed but only lasted a few month as I just wasn't producing enough I was expressing and only small amounts were coming I actually felt like a cow as it would take hours for a tablespoon full I ended up giving her a bottle a fed baby is what's best for baby wether bottle or breast.

I received an apology for my injuries but I feel like it wasn't enough as they encouraged the c section when birth was going well admittedly there is a small chance 1%apparently that something could have gone wrong but I was that 1%where something went wrong in c section now been told not to try again for any more babies wasn't planning but choice taken away now because it would be selfish to my other kids if I tried and injured myself worse this time.

I really think midwives have gone down hill they were always crap in my area but you can feel the whole bitchy environment in hospital and when you have left.my midwive has only ever wanted me for her benefit I spent weeks chasing her up for my mat b form but she's quick to text when she realises I've missed appointment which would not go down well on her part and yes they are soo pushy with everything it's worse when your on your fourth kid and they give you tonnes of information on how to look after your baby like your clueless I don't know about you but majority of my care was by student midwives what haven't even had kidsx

[Positive2022 in reply to Afrohair]

I am so sorry for everything you have been through. No excuse in my opinion for such poor care. Take care and sending you BIG virtual hugs ♥️