Perhaps my earlier post was rather to detailed,but its how i was feeling at the time.
I am fortunate that i get an hour with a Physiologist every Monday by video link,which is of enormous help for my anxiety/depression ,I also get 3 calls a week from Winter wellness checking on me,and Ben a guy from the mental health team comes to visit me quite often too.Their help has been tremendous,and they concur that the things i've had to deal with throughout my life is more than most people could ever manage or imagine,it has been mentally debilitating in the extreme,but i keep going,but they do think i am at risk at times.
I must admit that sometimes my work becomes rather to much,and yet without my work i would find life unbearable,it really is a two edged sword,and work is important to me,it is the rent i pay for my time on earth.
Its just that in the past year everything that could have been thrown at me,has been,and everything i seem to touch goes haywire,and all is against me.
I certainly dont look for sympathy,but it would be nice if some folks understood,and this forum has many understanding people,who listen...and thank you so much.