Greetings to You Lot, wherever you are.
Well, all I can say is: you asked for more of this stuff - don't you ever learn?! 
Here goes:
It’s nearly six months since John’s PMR diagnosis and his first appointment with Doctor French - the new, young and charming Rheumatologist at the local hospital. Things seem to be going well for Janet and John after a few recent Lifestyle changes for them in Retirement Suburbia.
Their now rather dated silver Mercedes Coupe - a ‘nice treat’ for their joint retirement 2 years ago - has been swapped for a brand-new, chunky, Sport Utility Vehicle in ‘PassionFlame’ orange which, co-incidentally, just happens to match John’s new golf kit. Janet and John both say they like the SUV due to its ‘high-up’ driving position and it being easier for John to get in and out of with his PMR. But privately, they both know it’s more about looking - and feeling - like part of a younger ‘Set’. Image-consciousness is alive and kicking, or perhaps even thriving in the older ‘Set’ in Suburbia?
Janet has been having lots of late-night fun browsing the Social Media and sharing pictures of her new and colourful cosmetic Nail Extensions with her equally new ‘friends’ on Ideservit.com. Janet’s friends are mainly ladies of a certain age, but a few don’t fit into either category. Janet finds this intriguing and exciting. At the same time, she has discovered and discreetly re-connected on a ‘chat’ forum with an old flame, Mike, the hunky local radio DJ who stole her heart in the 1970’s and she lost touch with when she married John. Mike still seems to be his same flirtatious self after 40 years, even though he doesn’t post any recent photos on the forum. Janet puts this down to Mike’s desire not to be in the limelight any more...
For John’s part, he has been polishing-up his skills back at the golf club, on the fairway and off of it. Behind the bar at the clubhouse, Jenny - the new, forty-something, bubbly and recently-divorced barmaid - has caught his roving eye. As a retired Sales Manager, John is no stranger to nurturing New Talent. John likes Jenny for her cheeky SOH, and the equally cheeky tattoos on her perma-tanned shoulders. Jenny often gives John a quick wink when the other club members aren’t looking. John always enjoys getting a wink from Jenny because Janet never gives him one nowadays.
It’s Friday afternoon...
Janet has been ‘home alone’ enjoying the sunshine and lovingly tending to her clematis for a couple of hours in a secluded corner of the garden. Janet’s 'special' flower gives her great pleasure, especially since her hormone replacement therapy, even though John rarely takes any notice of it. She wonders, if Mike were around nowadays, whether he might appreciate her flower too?
In the meantime, John has been for his six-monthly check-up at the local Rheumatology Clinic. He returns home in an unusually buoyant mood, just like the first time.
Janet (with her usual sardonic wit):
“So, was it THAT woman again? What did she have to say THIS time? I suppose you charmed her into giving you more of those ‘magic’ pills? I haven’t seen you so frisky since our neighbours’ daughter’s wedding when you ‘accidentally’ groped the bridesmaid and her fiancee threatened to do you over. I’ve never been able to face them since. Well, at least you’ve tidied-up the garage after three years - AND you cleaned your golfing kit at last - I suppose that’s something”.
John (unable to conceal a smug grin):
“Well, darling, shiny balls ARE the hallmark of a golf-pro! Anyway, Sam… er, Doctor French likes the way I’m coming on. I told her that I’ve got back to playing a round regularly and I feel myself most days - she sounded excited. I asked her about continuing the steroids. Apparently, she looks after a few gentlemen with PMR and encourages them to come off as soon as they can. Some of her younger gents drop them quickly but the older ones usually prefer to ease them down slowly. She also told me that she has one, very wealthy elderly ‘gent’ who’s a wine connoisseur and sees her twice a month. He always greets her with a Semillon but he still can’t get off despite her trying from every angle”.
Janet (sarcastically):
“Mmm, trust YOU! When are you going to see this ‘woman’ next? From what you say about her various other ‘clients’, next week I suppose? Anyway, if she’s as ‘popular’ with the gents as you say, she’s probably got some Hunk of a bloke to look after her when she's not at ‘work’. That’ll keep them and YOU in check!”
John (with his usual, defiant nonchalance):
“Not at all, darling, she says she usually sees her clients for six-monthly appointments. But if I’m ever finding it hard in between times, she promised to give me one straight away and squeeze me-in, even if things are tight. She’s very, er, accommodating. By the way, she spotted our new wheels outside her window and says she’s got the Cabriolet version in the same colour. She says her bloke, Mike, bought it for her it and makes her have her top down in any weather. Apparently he’s a DJ and older than her, she seems to get on well with older men”.
Janet (suddenly scarlet-faced and choking on her words):
“Older.. bloke… DJ… Mike?… Doctor French..? But I thought she, er, he, er ... what does her 'bloke' look like? I saw a car like that yesterday at the supermarket, it was one of those silly cabriolet things. There was some young bimbo obviously flirting with a dodgy-looking old guy on the back seat - disgusting!”. On the spur of the moment, and having inadvertently put two-and-two together, Janet fell grumpily silent, her heart sinking at the same time as her suspicions rising.
John (with a mischievous smirk):
“I don’t know, Jen… er, I mean Janet, darling. What’s wrong, have you been out in the sun too long?”
Janet (now simmering with anger): “JEN..?! WHO’S JEN?!! Even forgetting my name now?!! We’ve only been married thirty-nine years!!”
John (cool as a cucumber):
“Oh, sorry darling, just a slip of the tongue. It’s the Brain Fog and the steroids, they do funny things to your mind sometimes. Anyway, what’s the fascination with some young totty having a bit of fun with an older bloke in the back of a car? He might be her uncle, or a sugar daddy, or something like that? You really shouldn’t jump to conclusions, darling”.
Janet (abruptly):
“Oh, never mind. I don’t care. What time is it?”
John:
“It’s three-thirty, darling. Is it time to open the….?”
John stops in his tracks, since Janet is one step ahead of him and already pouring herself a Friday-sized G&T. As far as Janet is concerned, John can pour his own claret. Or, better still, she might just persuade him to escape to the golf club after their ‘little misunderstanding’ and leave her to get on with some important new research on the world wide web? A couple of more in-depth internet searches for photos of 'local DJs' and 'local Rheumatologists' come to mind.
So, it’s Business as Usual for Janet and John in sleepy, retirement Suburbia.
Or is it…?
Happy Days all, and try to keep smiling through the tough bits
MB :-)
The Chronicles of Ozzy and his mum with PMR. Part 2
