The Lighter Side: A Tale of Bill & Ben - PMR and ... - PMRGCAuk

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The Lighter Side: A Tale of Bill & Ben - PMR and the Flower Pot Men. All is Well in The Garden...Or is it..? ;-) :-/

markbenjamin57 profile image
57 Replies

Greetings and Happy New Year to Poly-my-Lingerers and Pred Playmates everywhere.

Ok, already! Yes, it’s been a while since my last silly ramblings (thank goodness, I hear some of you say). But in response to the overwhelming demand from 2 of my now 6-and-a-half Followers here, I now feel duty-bound to inflict some more Mirth (allegedly) on You Lot. What’s this got to do with PMR? Read on and you’ll find out - if you can stay awake long enough to get to the end….

The Plot / Background for You Younger Lot and / or if you’re from outside of the UK:

The legendary ‘Bill & Ben, The Flower Pot Men’ are twin-like but subtly differing Male characters depicted as garden ornaments, and characterised for children’s Radio and TV in the UK in the 1950s. They live in an imaginary Garden with ‘Little Weed’ - a supposedly non gender-specific and willowy plant character but who, for all intents and purposes, is portrayed as the Feminine Agent Provocateur in the gender dynamics of everyday Life in ‘The Garden’. Bill & Ben’s, and Little Weed’s activities are overseen by the elusive ‘Man From The House’ who also works in The Garden and who, presumably, is the owner of it.

(Please try to keep up..).

The original Story Plot portrays innocent, childish and playful interactions between this trio of garden characters. But in the 21st Century, Trouble is looming after Ben is afflicted with a rare, horticultural variety of PMR - and the happy trio’s existence is under threat for other reasons too.

It’s a sunny afternoon in The Garden….

Bill (to Ben): “Hey, Ben, Waaaasup Dude?! No new shoots this week, are you ok?”

Ben (grumpily): “Leave me alone. I’m like: Kn******d. I just need to sleep. I've got Flower Pot Man PMR. It can all wait”.

Bill: “But what will Little Weed say? She relies on us both to, er, nourish her, er, thingamybobs in the garden - or so she says…”.

Ben (defiantly): “Tell LW to B****r Off. What does SHE know about PMR anyway?!”

At this point, Little Weed mysteriously tunes-in to the conversation between Bill and Ben. (Let’s be sensible for a minute: can you visualise an imaginary ‘female’ garden plant talking to 2 imaginary ‘male’ flower pots? I’m no horticultural expert, but all-the-same I am reliably informed by my garden-loving ex-wife that this type of stuff DOES actually happen in gardens - I’ll take her word for that..).

Back to The Plot…

Little Weed: “Ok, boys, settle down now please. I know about the PMR thing too”.

Bill & Ben (in unison): “So, LW, how do you explain this strange thing called PMR?”

Little Weed (characteristically): “Flobbalob..”.

Bill (diplomatically): “Can you expand on that please, Weed?”

Little Weed (sarcastically): “Ok, Flobbalob...Alob. How’s that?”

Ben (now impatiently): “Listen, Weed-Dude, you’re supposed to be the Wise One around here. But can you STOP patronising us all the time with this infantile ‘Flobalobba….’ language? We are The Flower Pot MEN after all!”

Little Weed (curtly): “Ok, so YOU asked! Polymyalgia Rheumatica is a medical term to describe the bi-lateral symptoms of a heterogeneous Auto-Immune disease of often clinically un-attributed origins in Humans, and one of a number of AI health conditions characterised by severe and potentially dangerous inflammation of the blood vessels under the umbrella description of ‘Vasculitis’. Auto-immune deficiency-related PMR symptoms are usually managed effectively by the administration of Glucocorticosteroid drugs and / or Steroid-sparing alternatives: but with variable efficacy and an often indeterminate timescale for the condition to go into remission. This is also contingent on an individual PMR Patient’s personal and health context - which can include any or all of: age, gender, ethnic background, comorbidities, and external physiological and / or psychological Stressors. Is that a better answer?”

Ben: (in exasperation): “On second thoughts, I think ‘Flobbalob’ was easier to understand. Sorry, I can’t do ‘big’ words since I’m only a humble Flower Pot Man. Ohh, this PMR's doing my head in. Give me strength - I need a DRINK!”

Little Weed (to Ben, with mock sympathy): “There’s some nice organic liquid fertiliser in a pot behind the shed. I saw The Man from The House topping it up yesterday. Why don’t you try it?”

Bill (to Ben): “DON’T GO THERE MATE! The Man From The House spends every night at the local village pub - and then staggers home to water the garden after Closing Time using an ‘organic’ method, to save resources. Get my drift?”

Ben (sheepishly): “Ohhh, I wondered why that stuff gives me a headache!

Little Weed (dismissively): “Boys, some organic watering never did ME any harm - look at my flourishing stem and healthy buds. I might only be a weed, but I have a lovely flower! And, by the way, Flobbalob Rules!”.

Bill (laughing hysterically): “That puts a whole new slant on the term 'WEEEE-ED'!”

Ben (dancing and giggling, in Scottish accent): “Soo, best to all have a WEE drinkie then?”

Little Weed: “You’re both POTTY Men!”

Bill & Ben (chortling in unison): “Don't you mean ‘Flower Potty Men’, ‘WEEEE-ED’?!”

Little Weed (unable to resist the banter): “With you two around, this entire garden’s going to POT!”

Bill & Ben (now shouting noisily across the garden): “LW, all we’ve got to say to you is FLOBBALOBBALOBBALOBBALOB. Try saying that quickly after a few drinks!”

Little Weed (with smug satisfaction turning to alarm): “Ha, boys, I'll beat you two in a 'How fast can you say Flobalob?' contest any day of the week. WATCH OUT… THE MAN FROM THE HOUSE IS ABOUT….!!!”

At this point, Bill & Ben and Little Weed fall silent and retreat to their normal, static positions in front of the shed as they hear the sound of Human footsteps shuffling unsteadily along the gravel path to their tranquil garden. It’s The Man From The House checking to see what the commotion is all about. He thought he’d heard the sound of lively discussion and laughter - and possibly intruders? Or was it just the Garden ‘chattering’ to itself? But all seems quiet in The Garden…

Since The Man From The House was recently diagnosed with PMR and is ‘high’ on Steroids, he seems to hear strange voices in the Garden nowadays. “Is it me?”, TMFTH asks himself quietly under his breath. “Surely, Weeds and Flower Pots can’t talk! It must be these B****y steroids, I’ve heard they do funny things to your mind. Oh well, better go and rest for a while - the Pub opens at six. Tomorrow, I MUST clear out that untidy weed and those two old flower pots by the shed - IF I have the energy. Then again, that little trio DOES add a curious kind of ‘character’. Maybe I’ll keep them. We’ll see…”.

TMFTH shuffles away into the distance, his slow PMR-addled footsteps eventually falling silent. Bill & Ben and Little Weed heave a collective sigh of relief, as if by telepathy.

Bill (to Ben, whispering): “See, Job's-a-Good-Un - RESULT!!”

Little Weed (now dancing excitedly): “YAY, FLOBBALOB DUDES! Anyone fancy a drink to celebrate? See you around the back of the shed in five minutes!!!”

Peace, calm and harmony return to The Garden after an eventful day all round for Bill & Ben, and LW. Together, they gaily dance and bathe in the weak, early evening sunshine and celebrate the forthcoming Spring with a nice drink or two of.. (I’ll leave the rest to your imagination).

So, there I think ‘WEED’ better leave the happy horticultural trio to enjoy their secret lives in The imaginary Garden. And if you’ve found yourself reading this convoluted nostalgic nonsense to the bitter end, all I can say in my defence is: ‘Haven’t you got better things to do than re-visit your childhood after 50 years or so?!’ :-/

Either way, maybe have a secret sneak around The Garden tomorrow? You never know what surprises you might find there ;-) :-D

Happy Days, and try to keep smiling on the PMR Journey

‘Uncle’ MB :-)

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markbenjamin57
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57 Replies
fren profile image
fren

gee thanks for that,

I was new, PMR addled and depressed. Now I am new, PMR addled, laughing and planning a POTter in the garden tomorrow, weather permitting.

You have a new fan!

markbenjamin57 profile image
markbenjamin57 in reply tofren

Ha ha, thanks fren, glad to bring a smile or two here! ;-)

JanetGarrettN profile image
JanetGarrettN

Well my head is spinning. Now I'm off to my eye appointment. Thanks so much.

Rose54 profile image
Rose54

Love it

Can we have Andy Pandy as well please

markbenjamin57 profile image
markbenjamin57 in reply toRose54

Ohhh, thanks but don't encourage me Rose! ;-) :-D

loopeyloo72 profile image
loopeyloo72

Was going to suggest Muffin the Mule - but perhaps not!

markbenjamin57 profile image
markbenjamin57 in reply toloopeyloo72

Ha, loopyloo! :-D Well, that had entered my mischievously comedic mind - but it would be a sure way to get chucked-off of this very polite and well-mannered forum! :-D

DorsetLady profile image
DorsetLadyPMRGCAuk volunteer in reply toloopeyloo72

No definitely not! We’re much too refined on here for that .......well some are!

I’m sure someone’s name will come to mind any minute now .......🤔🤨🤦🏻‍♀️Ummm!

Hahahahahahaha! I am totally and utterly confused! ... but then again, I'm American, I have both PMR & GCA, I'm on 70mg of Pred, I'm exhausted and sleep deprived. However, you made me think, smile and concentrate, which is a very good thing!!!! Thank you!

in reply to

youtu.be/Ozp8uwUWtBY

SheffieldJane profile image
SheffieldJane in reply to

It has to be said that our grandchildren get better plots. Thanks for the trip down memory lane Poopadoop! And Mark for his wonderful adaptation.

I wish I knew how to attach things to posts. I must look into it. I use an iPad.

in reply toSheffieldJane

You just copy the link by using the menu on Google /yahoo and copy it into your message.

SheffieldJane profile image
SheffieldJane in reply to

I’ll try when I have something relevant , if I remember. How do I ( duh!) access the google menu allowing the copy option?

in reply toSheffieldJane

It can vary on whether you use phone iPad etc. Often I just

Hoover over the http search box on the page with my finger/mouse pointer

the menu with cut copy paste comes up.

I press copy then go into healthunlocked

in message box i just keep finger/mouse pointer pressed on screen

A box with select all and paste pops up.

Press paste

Hope this helps lol. Hard to explain if your using different technologies but process the same.

in reply to

Okay..... thanks for that!!! Now I feel I'm having a proper LSD flashback, not just on a high dose of Prednisolone!!!

in reply to

Lol. It can be trippy.

in reply to

Ya think? That video was scarier than the Pred side effects!!!!

in reply to

You should try the magic roundabout.

ConventCassie profile image
ConventCassie in reply to

I know! I didn't get all the words that were bleeped. Good luck to you - what a trial you have!

SheffieldJane profile image
SheffieldJane

Lovely Mark! Now do Rag Tag and Bobtail, Andy Pandy and Teddy and the Woodentops (Pred head). 🤗

markbenjamin57 profile image
markbenjamin57 in reply toSheffieldJane

Thanks Jane. Ohhhh.. you've got me thinking now. Pred-Head versions of Andy Pandy, The Wooden-tops and The Famous Five maybe? Or even the Man from U.N.C.L.E. and James ('Meestaire') Bond?! :-D

DorsetLady profile image
DorsetLadyPMRGCAuk volunteer in reply tomarkbenjamin57

The Clangers...they already talk rubbish....so you’re half way there!

markbenjamin57 profile image
markbenjamin57 in reply toDorsetLady

Ha, DL, should be easy for me then?! ;-) :-D

DorsetLady profile image
DorsetLadyPMRGCAuk volunteer in reply tomarkbenjamin57

Mark,

My point exactement, mon cheri!

markbenjamin57 profile image
markbenjamin57 in reply toDorsetLady

Dear DL

Le President 'Macaroni' would be proud. Entente Cordiale, etc, etc? I've always enjoyed munching on Garlic-infused Escargot with the heady aroma of Proper French coffee and Diesel Fumes on Brittany Ferries accompanied by Disque Bleu fags (preferably all at the same time).

Once upon a time, in a French restaurant, the waiter asked me: "Monsieur Benjamin, wooould you like to haaaave Frogs' Legs?". I replied: "Non, Merci, I am perfectly happy with my own legs". :-D

DorsetLady profile image
DorsetLadyPMRGCAuk volunteer in reply tomarkbenjamin57

Boom, boom, tish!

Methinks it’s past your bedtime- brain’s obviously gone to custard. Oh I forgot it’s your Thursday night - it’s must be when the “weekly” tablet runs out! It can’t be a full moon every week!

Bonne nuit.

PMRpro profile image
PMRproAmbassador in reply toDorsetLady

How many more children's TV programmes are there?

youtube.com/watch?v=I4aVXeD...

markbenjamin57 profile image
markbenjamin57 in reply toPMRpro

Prime Minister's Question Time, Brexit Negotiations...? ;-) :-D

PMRpro profile image
PMRproAmbassador in reply tomarkbenjamin57

I shan't be setting them free for amusement value!

Pollyanna16 profile image
Pollyanna16 in reply tomarkbenjamin57

😂😂😂

Hollyseden profile image
Hollyseden

The Wombles maybe? 😋

enan-illuc profile image
enan-illuc

Thank You! It made me laugh and I needed a laugh. Keep them coming.

Enan

Great, made me laugh out loud! Can you imagine Eeyore on Pred!

😂😂😂

Believe it or not....when I was 14/15 yrs i actually worked for Bill and Ben on their fruit and veg stall in a market. It was funny for me then as I loved Bill and Ben (and the woodentops) when i was young. Their sister wrote the characters. Weeeeeee

Soraya_PMR profile image
Soraya_PMR in reply to

I have heard that the origin of ‘flobalob’ Was a certain noise made by the 2 young boys in the bath (a sudden escape of ‘air’).

in reply toSoraya_PMR

Yes. They were still full of hot air then. Lol. They were probably in their 50s when I knew them but when you are 14 everyone over 20 looks old.

Jackoh profile image
Jackoh

Brings back a lot of memories- my mum used to tell me about the wooden tops as it was before my time!!! 😜

in reply toJackoh

I used to do a very good spot the dog impression. If only my limbs were so loose now. 😲

DorsetLady profile image
DorsetLadyPMRGCAuk volunteer in reply toJackoh

Rhubarb! If that were the case - you’d be too young to have PMR!

PMRpro profile image
PMRproAmbassador in reply toJackoh

1955-1957 - and for everyone who thinks we're making it all up:

youtube.com/watch?v=Iv_WJCv...

youtube.com/watch?v=o6zNwBT...

youtube.com/watch?v=HLLI7V-...

Sandradsn profile image
Sandradsn

Flobbalob indeed! Thank you Mark for another gripping tale,you keep us sane with your bonkers humour 😂I think?...

Do you remember Twizzle?He was a boy (puppet obviously 🙄)who could twizzle his arms and legs making them longer if he wanted to reach stuff.I don't know if he had PMR but maybe he did😁??..

Soraya_PMR profile image
Soraya_PMR in reply toSandradsn

I remember Twizzle!

In fact as a kid I had a guinea pig and called him Twizzle after that character.

Sandradsn profile image
Sandradsn in reply toSoraya_PMR

I loved Twizzle!,I didn't think I'd imagined it😂

markbenjamin57 profile image
markbenjamin57 in reply toSandradsn

Thanks Sandra :-) it was quite fun writing it but I had to stop from making it too 'Janet & John'-ish! :-D. I don't remember Twizzle.. nice trick if you can pull it off though!

PMRpro profile image
PMRproAmbassador in reply tomarkbenjamin57

youtube.com/watch?v=cBjwh5O...

Never heard of it before...

GCA1947 profile image
GCA1947

Mark,

Your tales are always a real tonic even to those of us with GCA. Your story brought back so many memories of my childhood (I'm 70 going on 71) so I would have been around in the 50's & 60's then as I recall television was not so common in our house. Wasn't life so much better with just comics to read without the computer to plague our lives. The use of a particular organic fertilizer reminded me of my activities in the garden with the night chamber (apologies to DorsetLady) when I was growing vegetables at the bottom of the garden.

Please keep your humorous tales coming always a good laugh and eagerly awaited.

Regards

Colin

markbenjamin57 profile image
markbenjamin57 in reply toGCA1947

Hi Colin

Thanks, all part of the service! ;-) Yep, how life has changed in the Digital Age (for better or worse..)..?

I remember my old Dad used to recommend putting horse manure on the rhubarb. I tried it once - but then discovered that custard tastes much better (boom boom) ;-) :-D

Keep well and looking forwards

MB :-)

9lives profile image
9lives

Aww thanks, I really liked that story, I was transported back to my childhood,

Can’t wait for the next episode

Carole

And no , I haven’t got anything better to do ! Like yes , ironing, paper work, phone calls, gardening, get tea ready, shopping, etc. Etc. Etc.

markbenjamin57 profile image
markbenjamin57 in reply to9lives

Thanks Carole :-)

allykat profile image
allykat

I thought I was doing well reading your book on my home from Canada last week and getting over the jet lag but now I think it has set in again, the jet lag I mean. Definitely suffering from brain fog. Maybe it's all this talk of pot(s)!

Grants148 profile image
Grants148

Thank you mark,lshall look at my flowerpots in a very curious way when l venture into my garden again .

markbenjamin57 profile image
markbenjamin57 in reply toGrants148

Thanks Grants148, but just make sure they don't notice you watching them - or they'll pretend to be just flowerpots ! ;-) :-D

Nice one Mark. Really hit the funny bone. Thanks.

shella profile image
shella

Hilarious as usual ....😂

Wot about the Jumblies - didn’t they live on the ceiling ..... ?

Loving all this nostalgia.....

karools16 profile image
karools16

When I came to England the first time, in 1968, I had an au pair job, and hadn't seen tv before. I used to watch'watch with mother' when I did the ironing, so this thread has brought back lovely memories.

Grants148 profile image
Grants148

Ha Ha Mark, l,ll turn them upside down !

VAl4266 profile image
VAl4266

You are amazing, keep them coming, nice to laugh,

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