My oldest son is having a destination wedding in Costa Rica. It is a days flight from Arizona. My wife has extended the stay to celebrate our 35th anniversary making it a 12 day trip. That means we will be there alone an extra 6 days.
We will be staying in a small resort community on the coast that is focused on surfing and hiking the rain forests. The weather is very hot and humid with feels like index above 100 degrees which means that I will be stuck in doors.
I am terrified of going! I have irrational anxiety. I've been seeking counseling for 3 months with no success. I have been on antidepressants and atavan. It now takes 2 ambien s to get any sleep. Meditation is becoming more difficult.
I am also afraid not to go. I don't want to disappoint my family. The shame is very threatening. I also don't want to be alone... we live in a remote area and I don't drive much.
If it weren't for the fact that I am loved by my 3 children and my wife I'd consider ending it all. I know they are aware of my deep fear but they are pressuring me to go.
I admire those of you that exhibit strong wills and courage. I used to be able to overcome problems but have lost the ability in the last 4-6 months. I'm now a basket case. We are supposed to go in 5 days.