Christmas Pain and light

[Crystallmatters]

I a sitting watching the Christmas tree lights twinkling, beautiful decorations the tv is on in the background and darkness apart from the tree and tv on.

I write this as I know I am on borrowed time before my pain with vengeance kicks in , the ache in my side the hurting in my spine is manageable until shortly although hoping the nerve pain that makes life unbearable comes back . For now the distractions are working with the positivity of my mind telling my self have compassion for it all. I am a lucky one with my family loving and fortunately still with me , my wife has been a rock through this journey which seems never ending.

When I am in pain and sometimes when not I find myself talking to my self . I fight of the demons that tell me that yes end it all, I do think about it , it makes me feel good I think it is the relief it would end the suffering. So I manage to think about Juliet my wife and what it would mean , it’s not good. I am here , I must remember we can increase medication. I must remember to enjoy Christmas all the lights in the town . Christmas is a funny time it’s a date you won’t forget, for some a sad memory of lost ones, I was told remember that the more upset you are at losing a loved one, the more it means how much that person meant to you , remember the fond memories and cherish, it means how lucky you were to of know them . Hard , I guess we must remember how lucky we were to spend any time with them .

I know that not only is pain real it hurts so bad it affects my brain and thoughts, what pain killers I am on just add to the cocktail, sounds in my head , I just try to embrace.

the balance between me taking my medication on time and pacing my day is crucial to making a day more enjoyable, I would say more comfortable.

so I hope any of you that experience a little of what I do from time to time know you are not alone.

Have a lovely Christmas, I hope you can use the lights as a tiny distraction, love to you all xxx

[Hidden]

I am sitting enjoying my Christmas tree. It was a rough pain day. Sometimes I watch the clock waiting for a safe time to medicate. I wish I could say I will be fine tomorrow but that’s not the case. I look forward to Christmas with my daughters and grandchildren. My husband will drive but a 3 hour car ride is rough on my sciatica and my neck. I feel like only my husband knows, I try to make less of it in front of my kids. I hope you have a blessed Christmas and remember you're not alone in your pacing yourself and meds and distractions. ✌🏻

[Crystallmatters in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Sugaree, Yes in a car is my worst nightmare, especially when the road is rough or bumps. I try to make light of it so not to start any anxious feelings that fuel my neuropathic system, Yes I think your husband understands more than anything. Sciatica is a real nightmare on its own so I do hope it plays fair with you. I have two daughter's both getting married next year my eldest on 21st June her 30th Birthday in Spain and my youngest 28 on the 23rd December, from a hot wedding to a cold in the UK , I am really looking forward to both.

I will be out of it for the flight, plenty of meds, I only need a tiny bit of alcohol mixed, I will be happy in pain and just embrace. It has been and I guess in honesty a challenge living with pain that you don't know what the next hour or next day will bring, one minute being mobile quite well, almost feeling normal again to the next second agony , grabbing for what ever medication, taking a breath a moment to stop and think what is best for this, only to come up with breathe except and go to ground, letting the waves of beating hit you , its funny but body aches , crunching, pressure beating hurting I can put up with but when that deep nerve pain hits in that really is not nice or fair. So I understand the draining fatigue and think you are great going 3 hours on a car joinery knowing on the way to your daughters the suffering is worth it, I know you already know the journey back is harder but then plenty of time to recover from a fantastic time with your family , Enjoy, I do love the lights and fond memories even though some of them hurt. Love to you and your family have a great Christmas / David xxx

[HHH2017]

What a thought provoking heart felt message. I have fibromyalgia and pain is always with me but like you I count my blessings of having a wonderful husband and family around me.

My brother took his own life in May and my nephew last year, all I can say is although that ended their pain it has left our families in absolute turmoil and unbearable pain.

My mothers mild dementia has escaleted to end stages rapidly due to the shock and emotional pain.

You are doung all the right things, and your thoughts are comforting and thoughtful. Keep talking & sharing your thoughts and feelings and THANK YOU.

May 2025 be a better year for one & all x

[Crystallmatters in reply to HHH2017]

Wow, I am so sorry at the loss of your Brother and then Nephew, I cannot imagine as I ma close to my sister. We lost my mother in law through dementia , I don't think anyone knows how difficult, if I have used the right word to see your loved one fading away, really hard.

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas, Thanks for your kind words. David x

[HHH2017]

and to your & yours David. I was v moved by your post. X