Here’s a question I find my self asking tonight .
I would rather have the FND than the pain , if I did not have the pain would I not have FND.
The pain causes trauma especially when it drives you to taking your life. I never thought when I have two beautiful girls , the most perfect wife , that I could do that , to wake up in intensive care and be told do you know where you are . I was not well in fact after a day or two I thought yes I know where I am , in hell. The scared look on my wife and daughters did something it moved me , however I did not know that I was depressed and really not with it .
I am so pleased a year on and thanks to my wife , daughters, family and friends, along with an amazing mental health team and Optimise , I can smile and laugh again .
With better pain management, some sleep , far from perfect but it helps . It helps make a step forward. Pain is the evil key that makes my brain not function right not think straight.
So getting the right balance of Meditation is crucial and be hard as many in my case had bad side effects, once right a big difference.
The FND is still really bad and catch’s me out , I know for me there is a link between Pain and FND, it also gets really bad if stress or anxiety is thrown into the mix.
I write this , so I hope a few of you that suffer no you are not alone and there is hope , I did not believe in that word once , even asked it to be explained to me .
A world of isolation so many damaging mixed feelings. I was told David imagine you are at the bottom of a well, what will you do , I could not think at that moment , You are digging, digging , not looking up and asking for a rope or ladder to be passed down . Stop in time , take a breath, breathe , take stock of your situation, Um ok but at time more just words.
slowly realising the more I except my situation with compassion and embrace the loved ones , I could live again , see the light.
it is a very slow journey, getting out , even when I did not want to helped. Deliberately trying to balance anything I get enjoyment through I must balance with pain.
To read learn watch pod casts with Jon Stone , to listen to you all on this site helps , knowledge understanding my condition helps. Not many health professionals understand our different complex health conditions, when there hear about FND , I feel they walk away instead of finding more information from us . Learning and finding ways to help us . It does not help us to be left in the dark.
As I gain confidence, feel a worth , exercise through pain , swim again even though I am not keen things are better.
This site and the help that is offered is amazing .
Anything how ever small can give you comfort, keep it with you .
Try to build a tool kit of anything that helps your pain , mobility or mental wellness, because in my case it is helping.
I write this because someone on this site said , basically through pain they have had enough, yes we all have . Please realise we all want you to find the way to less pain , suffering, I have come back from death and am determined to fight the corner of getting help for FND and us , I feel help is on the way. The nightmare is finding that actually the little things do matter however trivial they might seem.
So yes my journey continues, tonight I walk down the cobblestone street of Haworth and get FND, I struggle moving my leg , I distract but then tell myself it is ok, now my leg works better.
Amazing Halloween costumes and the spooky houses and shops we’re amazing.
Things can only get better for us it just is going to be slow and gradual for many of us.
Yes my speech often goes , my brain gets fog . Pain all over, sometimes no pattern but me experiencing with compassion, does help.
Enough I most go to sleep , loads love to you all.
Vertebral fracture's. 
Neuropathic pain
Pain and Costochondritis 
