Does anyone notice or feel that pain (our PMR/RA horrible pain) changes your personality, the way think, and your temperament? Sounds strange maybe but I am wondering if anyone can relate? I find myself saying things I'd never, EVER say, and very short-tempered. I HATE it! I've pushed people away that I really do not want to push away. Sadly, healthy friends don't "get it". Difficult to deal with for me!
Personality change with pain??: Does anyone... - Pain Concern
Personality change with pain??
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patrickd
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I was diagnosed first with UC and then Crones.It was a bit of a hit or a miss what state of mind I was in, I eventually had a full Ileostomy and now poo in a bag But I still get a lot of pain from the ostomy and I have no control over the bag filling up ( I can not hold the poo in so cant control output) I am very anxious all the time and my mental state of mind can swing from angry to vicious.
I don't regret having the op but life is one of just planning outings and calming myself to life now.
I say things and forget things pretty much like yourself, I have no close friends to talk of now but Life is still far better than the alternative.
It`s fair to say I have severe COPD and chronic pain in joints so, I get down about a lot of things.
I hope things improve for you, see your GP about your state of mind. a referral to a psychologist made a big difference for me .
Thanks for replying. I'm sorry for what u r going thru. I have been to every dr and every tests and every test and they r all negative. They say it's psychosomatic yet therapy head and pain pills do not work. I can't function like this. Gentle hugs to you
I am VERY sorry for what you are going through. I guess it's very safe to say...you can totally "relate"! Honestly, you have alot to be proud of! You took control of your health and so so brave too! God Bless you! I wish I had more people in my life as yourself. YOU "get it". Since being diagnosed I've lost my entire family. My mom & dad passed away, my sister and brother pushed me away. I miss them so so much but they refused to have any contact. I "get it" I was mean, very angry (I do blame a certain high dose of medication I was on that is under control now). Also, it's not to say, they were pretty mean to me. Treating me as if I was a helpless invalid, incapable of making or doing anything. Life goes on. I learned I need to surround myself with good people. People who really LOVE me.
Read your post with interest. Why don’t you try writing a letter to your sister and brother and explain exactly to them like you’ve written on here. I’m sure unless they are really heartless they shouldn’t fail to get back in touch. You can’t help feeling short tempered , it happens when we feel poorly and under pressure. If I get really tired and in pain I just want to lay down somewhere on my own . I hope your ok
You are so sweet!. At the time (10 years ago), I was sicker than now (receiving monthly blood IV treatments, taking 80mgs of Steroids, being the sole caretaker of both my disabled mom and dad, 2 young boys age 5 years & 3 years..All of which affects a person in many ways just the stress). Honestly, I've tried many letters, cards, even phone calls (totally ignored, ALL of us kids hubby etc) and it's too heartbreaking..JUST HEARTBREAKING! I stopped because I couldn't take any more rejection and every time bringing back all my questions of what I did, why they hate me so much. My husband even tried talking to my brother and it just did nothing. Neither my sister nor my brother would even tell me what I did just creating more anger on my part. I reached out during the Pandemic apologizing with a card and saying how I love them so much and to hear NOTHING. I'm crying as I type this. I've given up and feel if they ever would "forgive" me for whatever I did (I sincerely do not know exactly what I did to either one of them). They totally broke off any contact after my father passed then shortly after my mom. Honestly, I think they are evil. To not even acknowledge a heartfelt card is horrible. I couldn't do that to ANYONE, EVER!
Oh my goodness , I’m SO SO Sorry !!!! That’s really so sad whatever are they made of “ Stone” !!!!! Whatever possesses people to go like that . We are human beings with kind souls or we should be . I’m pleased you have a nice husband . I live on my own with my two poodles . ILive by the sea at Bexhill and have one sister who lives down the road . I get on well with her. We are both retired . I’m 69 and in pain with arthritis and tinnitus badly. My Son and daughter have. 6 kids between them but live 100 miles away I don’t see them very often . I have a lot of compassion for people and I was a home carer for 24 years. I would still love to help people. Thank you for replying and I do hope you get a bit better soon . Love from me xxx. Penny
Thank you. I mean, families have other family members who actually commit murder or are pedophiles etc. and the family members visit them in jail. I did nothing of that sort at all. I really HAD to let go of all the pain and constant rejection. I've finally gotten to the point in my life where I am moving on. I HAVE to or I'd go crazy! I've given up trying to figure out what I did and explaining to my kids why they do not have an Aunt or Uncle in their lives. Maybe it's for the better because I do not want my kids to EVER be that way to anyone EVER especially, not a family! To not forgive, to not "talk", to ignore another person's pain and anguish. I have no clue how either of them can actually sleep at night. Honestly, for the better, we are away from those types of people. EVIL is the only way I can define it. I have NO brother and sister, niece, nephews (who I did so much with and for throughout my life). Hopefully, (well, actually I wouldn't wish that on anyone) but there is something called "Karma".
They say we can choose our friends but we can’t choose our family. I think there is some truth in that . They also say blood is thicker than water . It is very rare and also a good thing that usually it’s rare . I can only say how sorry I am . I was thinking about moving back to be near my kids and grand kids but I think I’m better off here by the coast as if I move back again to be near them there is no guarantee I’m going to see them often . My daughter is bringing up her teenage kids on her own and can say hurtful things to Me if the mood takes her. My son has become A Vicar , would you believe !!! I could live nearer him and his family , I just get lonely with my situation and I can totally relate to you though when you say that you want to be left alone when in so much pain. I get moments like that and I can’t hurt anyone if I just please myself. My trouble is though I have a lot of love to give and I want to see my grandchildren . Life is never easy for any of us is it? xxx
All I can say is God Bless you! So true how we can't choose "family". But then again, maybe we sort of can..I mean I consider myself an ONLY..As far as I'm concerned I do not have any siblings. I am super close to my sons! I believe if I had a daughter we would NOT get along (probably we'd clash being too much alike). Don't be LONELY!! You can ALWAYS post to ME or anyone here..we are ALL here for you! I too am lonely at times. Feel rejected often, etc. but only because I am who I am and can't nor won't for anyone. HUGSSSSS
Thank you for being so kind to me . Don’t let anyone change you , your very nice just as you are . I’ve had a lot of pain today . Feet hurt and back trouble , walking poodles in the wood . They are very active dogs and love to Run and Run !!!! I have bad tinnitus and it helps to take my mind of the horrible tinnitus. It would be so nice to keep in touch as you mention. Not sure how you do private posts . Take care and good luck to you 😊
I LOVE ALL dogs! They are the best therapy, and love you no matter WHAT! We can ALWAYS keep in touch anytime you want! I check this site often. BTW, I have Tinnitus also..NOT fun at ALL. I just drown it out with music (which they say not to but it works for me). Hang in there! I promise BETTER days are coming! Believe me, I won't EVER change and that is my problem. too outspoken BUT I do tell people the way it is and treat others the way I'd like to be treated..you seem super kind and nice too!
I am similar to you too. I speak my mind and what you see you get . I love to help the people that like to be helped. This dam tinnitus has been awful lately . Are you on the healthunlocked tinnitus site ? There are some nice people on there . Some people are literally driven nearly insane by this tinnitus . I try to not talk about it. I was only letting you know that I suffer with it . They say to just get on with our life and the T will slip into the background !!!
I think is entirely normal when in constant pain to emotionally change. When people have a temporary health issue they can get snappy, irritable, emotional and so on. When in chronic pain or have chronic health issues then why would it be any different?!I try very hard to be pleasant and cheerful when with friends and family but sadly is not always possible!
Hello, I can relate to losing friends but, with me, it’s because they cannot get their heads round the reasons why I have pain, I think. I basically look the same, so why do I have pain?! From people who don’t live with pain. I have severe degeneration of my lumbar spine, slipped disc and bulging disc. I also have Axonal Sensory Neuropathy (peripheral neuropathy) in my lower legs and feet, secondary to a Quinolone antibiotic namely Ciprofloxacin! I walk with either one or two, arm crutches. I cannot stand or walk for long but still drive, not far though! The pain shows in my face and I take Gabapentin for the pain, which doesn’t take it all away. I try not to talk pain with the few friends I still have, unless they ask, but I am in pain all the time. They just don’t understand, and don’t want to!! I’ve been like this for 6 years! Patrick, do you have good pain medication, Gabapentin is for leg pain? I try hard not to let pain change my personality, but I was always an introvert. I’ve had to work hard to stay the same mentally, because I don’t want pain to change me! It very easily could. All the best from the UK.
So TRUE! People who do NOT have pain, don't understand it AT ALL. What's even worse (here in the US anyway) with all the opiate overdoses and addiction issues it made the sympathy and understanding even worse. "Oh, you're in pain, take a couple of Tylenol"..(yeah right)..or you get the.."oh, I've had pain before and have taken no medications to help it, I just dealt with it so you can" nice.
Hello again. As far as I know, the opiate problem isn’t evident in the UK. I know it’s a problem in the US. My pain has changed my life in that I now cannot go to the gym, go for long walks with friends or do the many things I liked to do. But that’s just how it is now and I have to get on with it. I stay cheerful as I live on my own, but it is difficult to keep upbeat, but I do somehow, because I have to! I’m angry at Big Pharma for causing my peripheral neuropathy as it’s a lifelong awful pain! No lawyers here will take my case, not like in the US! Take care.
I am just so SO sorry. My husband has 2 herniated discs. he's tried it ALL and he says the ONLY relief he gets is hanging upside down on his inversion table and his doctor performs a conservative surgery every 5 or so years by sort of scrapping up tissue and that also gives him temporary relief. He does have good days and very bad days. We make some couple! He has neuropathy in both his feet and swears by Vitamin B12 and his table. He takes Gabapentin too. I can not take it. My medical team tried that route and I am very sensitive to meds and it just made things worse for me. If you can EVER purchase an "Inversion table" they are sold online (not cheap) it MIGHT help? {{{prayers & hugs}}}} you are never alone here! NEVER!
Thank you, I needed that! I have a telephone consultation on Monday, with the Walton hospital surgical team. I already know there is no surgery for me but good to have (3rd lot of eyes on my scans) 3rd opinion! I know myself after researching, that Ciprofloxacin can dissolve the connective tissue, especially in the lumbar spine, but getting someone to believe me is something else! I’ll see what this person phoning me on Monday thinks! Unfortunately, I don’t think the table is for me. Thanks for the suggestion. Hugs to you too!
I still drive too, I only have my right leg aka on left. When I get out of car people always say “you mean you can drive yourself”. I have to tell them it’s an automatic, no clutch. Never fails some I have to explain further. You said in your reply you take Gabapentin, have you had any reaction to it and if you don’t mind what dose do you take. I took it for a while it seemed to help some. I told my GP that and he doubled the dose, I felt I had a bottle of whiskey in me, ran over a 70 yr. old bedside table in my power chair had really slurred speech, my wife wanted to call emergency services 911. She took the bottle of pills and hid them. Just wondered if you had any problems with it. I would like to try it again at a lower dose. Thanks for any help.
Hello,Gabapentin: 300mg 3 x daily and take 600mg at night.
It takes your body a while to get used to. You have to titrate (up dose slowly) until you find the right dose for you. I drive too, but only when I feel able, in body and head! I don’t drive far and also have an automatic DS4. It is so comfortable! The only reaction I have is dizziness, which I already have, so it’s a bit worse. If I didn’t’take it, the leg pain would be terrible! It does take a few weeks to get used to Gabapentin, ideally you should take it when you haven’t a lot on, ie going out, driving. Best wishes from UK.
Hi Having had chronic pain for years, I can say without doubt it changes the way I live my life. From somebody who enjoyed life to the full even in the first ten years of pain, I now have a different outlook on life, people, society etc. Every morning I wake up after a sleep interrupted night I think "why me"
I've had both hips replaced in recent years, but it appears as I reach my 65th year I've been written off by the medical profession. The osteoarthritis in my lower spine and neck make the enjoyments of life all but impossible. I getter bitter towards people who don't have issues. So much so, I now only see my immediate family. The Doctors and Consultants I've seen over the years are now dismissive, saying it's "wear and tear" or "keep taking the pain killers"I never thought I would feel this way. While I understand there are millions of people around the world in a worse situation, this is "My situation" and I find it controls my life completely. I have to rely on the UK's NHS which is great with very good people working there, however for the last couple of years it's all but impossible to see a Doctor as Covid put a block on face to face consultations.
Sorry for going on so much but at times I just feel the need to rant. I hope you can learn to live with your problems, please don't follow my example as it's a dark road that leads nowhere.
Actually, NO, I am SO sorry for all you are going through! It JUST sucks. AT LEAST you get painkillers. We don't even get them here anymore unless you are literally (no joke) are at your final stages of life. Nowadays, Medical Cannabis is pushed in my face and it DOES NOTHING for my pain. In fact, for me..it's dangerous. I left my stove gas on after using it, I forgot to pick up my son from school, and I nearly fell down my stairs all while IN pain BUT stoned from the wonderful Cannibus they say works miracles! So when I take Cannibus I am NOW totally stoned while in pain..what's better? YOU sir are in my prayers. It's just not fair is all I can say to you. I wish I could offer more help other than tell you, I am with you on this, and I will pray for you. Pray for you finding relief.
patrickd, the fifth element, boron, may offer relief for your RA pain. Search on "nothing boring about boron" as an introduction to boron then search on "rheumatoid arthritis boron " for more focus on that form. Pain also causes magnesium loss a mineral that can also relieve RA pain. A nutritionist is a good resource to utilize. Always consult your health care professional before using any supplement.
I know pain has changed me a lot. I’m more irritable doesn’t take much to set me off. But at same time it’s changed people around me. Take my wife(please)😉just kidding she’s been through a lot these last 15 1/2 yrs. use to she would be way more concerned than now, I think people get tired of hearing about pain everyday. But the pain is there every day. Been married 49 years + and can’t be in same room together with screaming at each other. She has to help me with wheel chair when going places, which is hard on her. I’ve got to the point where I think I should give her time for herself. We’re both in our 60’s so she has some years remaining. I feel like I should move on and let her at least have some good life that is left. I don’t want her to do this for much longer. Sorry for going on so, but needed to get it out. Hope all will find something that works for them. Stay safe and God bless you all!!
The simple fact of the matter is that, anthropologically speaking, people are evolved to reject those with illnesses or diseases, especially those that show no sign of healing. The “normal” people don’t understand, and as you say don’t want to, because if they did then they would have to make considerations to look after other people and acknowledge how lucky they were to be healthy (anyone who plays board games a lot can attest to how people who are lucky often refuse to admit it). The fact of the matter is that it’s easier for them to say that it’s negative personality traits in us, it’s our job to control it, and we essentially end up shielding those around us from the ravages of pain as they don’t want to see it, and the underlying threat of them pushing us away if we show it is always there. Of course this is certainly not true of all people, but it is of a great many, including those who would claim to be inclusive and tolerant of difference. It’s also an impossible situation for many of us; we are either irritable or annoyed with people because of the pain, or we are dosed off our heads on drugs and stoned the whole time, which again people reject and seek to avoid. Society is prepared to tolerate difference only when it is kept at a distance from them, and they do not have to confront it. Here in the UK it is generally only social difficulties caused by chronic pain and the personality changes associated (other than the obvious medical ones) but in many places it is also financially ruinous to look after someone/be someone with a serious condition or disease, and also excludes from a wide variety of jobs.Good luck to all of you in these situations and remember to hold tightly to those who can look past what you have no choice in!!
Wow, and there it is..the truth! That is just so "the way it is and shouldn't be". Thank you for that! I think in my heart, I've always thought that but needed someone to just come right out and say it plain and simple. Yep, it's heartless but it's also a fact. In my life, I feel so unbalanced, so at fault, and like I'm a bad person because of my brother and sister's rejection. I forgive them, I just wish I could forgive myself for whatever it was I did.
I mean there is a very fine line to be walked on in that situation as I sympathise with you fully and it wasn’t your choice to have your personality affected by pain but it would also be hard to sort things out with people if you go in to it and point out that to them as then they feel guilt over how they acted and will label it as “toxic” or “guilt tripping” when in reality the situation is what makes them feel guilty and you’re just reminding them that the judgements they made were affected by things they perhaps wilfully ignored. More than most minority groups people with health difficulties have very different abilities and levels of control over their actions, compared to say a “normal person” whose level of control is unaffected by race, gender, creed etc. That is of course something that makes it impossible for others to view themselves as the same as us and it’s difficult for them to try and so most don’t. Stay strong though and remember that while you need to plan around your health condition to try to avoid it having a negative impact on others, it’s not your fault if it does. PS I may have to steal the phrase “the way it is and shouldn’t be” it’s so incredibly apt!
Honestly, I've never done anything to my brother and sister other than tell them I love them and wish they would tell me what I did wrong to make them totally walk away from me. I also apologized (which is hard to do when you have no clue what you did to begin with). To me..I have no brother and sister anymore. It's in the past and I've tried to make amends but you can not force someone to be apart of your life! I've moved on and I focus on my own family! PS...Go ahead and steal my phrase!!!!!
I sympathise wholeheartedly with your situation, and I think part of the reason people don’t give explanations to the likes of us is because then they have to examine the fact that it’s because they couldn’t deal with the outward manifestations of our conditions, and that is obviously a very negative character trait and they don’t like to recognise that in themselves. You are of course right and you cannot force people to do the right thing or even necessarily good. I am glad you have a family to support you and I am sure they bring you very much joy! People like that are who remind me that not everyone is as bad as the likes of your siblings. Good luck to you mate
I agree! It just becomes a very lonely place at times for us chronic pain sufferers. I wish sometimes I would "think" more before I speak BUT in all honesty..pain sometimes just takes over my thinking process. Sometimes I take it out on my family and I NEVER intend to do that. Thankfully, my boys and husband do seem to "get it". My husband has chronic back pain and well, my boys..they just love me. ALL of me with all my imperfections. THAT is LOVE!
From my own life experience I believe that having chronic pain causes personality change in the people round me, not only in myself. On the whole they cannot cope[ maybe], feel helpless around a person who is ill, don’t want to make any effort to support ie by searching the internet for information.
My partner decided that he is willing to chauffeur me to health appts, collect scripts, that type of help, but makes no effort to support me psychologically, to give me any kind of loving support.. I’ve even written suggestions of what he could say to cheer me up on bad days because he says he can’t think of anything himself. I suggested he just read out one of my suggestions when I say I’m feeling really awful, like “I’m sorry you’re having a bad day, come here for a hug”.
I can’t even get him to do that. It would be a. Normal, pleasant way of giving me support, surely ? It would help me more than his SILENCE even though I’ve had to suggest what he could say..
There was family trouble the Xmas before Covid. My eldest son was here for the first time for years over Xmas. I tried to be up very early to watch our grandchildren unwrap presents. Unfortunately just doing that caused extra pain and a bad attack of exhaustion so I felt unable to get ready to have Xmas lunch with our our other son who lives close by.
I sent them all on ahead without me saying that they should eat and not wait for me. Then I took a much larger dose of Oramorph than ever I have before [risky if course], hoping it would enable me to get to the Xmas lunch.
It did help but when I arrived , late by one hour thirty minutes, I found they were waiting for me in order to eat.
In a room of twelve people only one daughter in law, my husband and two sons, actually spoke to me.
Since then we are not invited for Christmas lunch. The daughter in law who was cooking the meal [lives two miles away] ] does not make contact at all since that day -although I did invite her hear to talk over what happened. During that talk she said she knew she was wrong not to come and see us and she would change that.
We’ll, she didn’t change it. The situation is still not good.
My son comes the two miles to see us, most often alone. His wife has never been even though she suggested that she ‘should’ and ‘would’.
The only contact I can now get from her is if I I send an email asking how things are …….she’ll just write back ‘ All OK’, and that is that.
This has been quite complicated to explain and I’ve not written every detail.
I’ve written it trying to explain a bit more that often, as people who have chronic pain, we end up blaming ourselves,,,,but it is not simply that our personalities which change….the people round up change too.
Hope you’ve an idea about. What I’m trying to explain !
I hope you get support from this websit….I have had much support in the past, thank you.
Wow, the point I never really took too seriously but so, so true. I think they are "afraid" of us. Maybe we will ask them to do "too much" or expect them "to do" too much etc. We can't win, can we? I feel for Mothers-in-law because I don't think it's just that you are not healthy...it's just being a mother-in-law. Always a "tricky" relationship with daughters-in-law of which I do not understand. You know it's a real issue because it seems everyone "knows" that unspoken relationship. I do not have a mother-in-law BUT I do have two "sister-in-laws" of which are like mothers-in-law. Their brother can NEVER do anything wrong at all..it's always MY FAULT ALWAYS no matter what so I don't even bother talking to either one of them about issues I have with their saint of a brother. Husbands just expect their wife's to be fine, always be healthy. I mean, think about it...I know when my husband gets a simple cold he is on the couch for days..dying so geez, imagine how they just can't comprehend our pain. Women get the brunt of the can't be in pain and I think it's because we give birth and do it without complaint. It's always been said that giving birth naturally is the most painful experience a person can go through...that's true but after all that pain it passes and we have a beautiful baby to show for it..no one takes that into account.I'm so sorry you are surrounded by such thoughtless people who are supposed to love you and be somewhat sympathetic...I don't get it at all.
I replied to these posts a few minutes ago. I’d only read the first few. Since then I’ve gone back to read them all.
I want to add how impressed I am by all the replies, in particular the posts Mariathon added 15/16 days ago.
That post kind of sums up what I really wanted to say myself, but it’s so much clearer and more organised than what I produced.
I’m not saying that what I wrote is without value….just admiring the way the posts, as a group, are so useful to me that I’m going to keep them to read when I feel down and am busy blaming myself for all that goes wrong….thank you all of you.X
Just goes you really clarify that YOU are NOT alone! Honestly, made me feel so much better knowing that I am not alone or "overly" sensitive of which I am ALWAYS accused of being. I've learned now when people say "Oh, you are just too sensitive", NO..it's not ME...YOU are just not sensitive enough!
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