Finding it Difficult to Cope: Good Morning... - Pain Concern

Pain Concern

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Finding it Difficult to Cope

lara1953 profile image

Good Morning Everyone

I am feeling so down at the moment and thought it might help to get everything off my chest.

I have Seropositive RA which I control with 2 x 5mg Prednisolone twice daily as any other Rheumy medication makes me very sick. I also have Osteoporosis of the spine and hip. I have been prescribed Alendronic Acid, which also makes me very sick. I have a minor bulging disc, 3 old fractures of the spine and Osteoarthritis in 3 vertabrae and hips and pelvis. I am taking 2 x 10mg Zomorph twice a day and 2 x 500mg Paracetamol 3 times a day. These control the pain when I am sitting down, but I constantly feel sick, dizzy and drowsy. Not sure what's worse, the pain or the cure! I read a lot of books on my kindle which is a form of escapism as I can really get into the characters. As soon as I finish a book I feel a dreadful sense of loss, which is not normal. It's the same with TV programmes. Even with the medication, I cannot stand or walk about for more than a couple of minutes before the pain sets in. I am in the process of buying an electric wheelchair so that I can at least get out and about. I haven't left the house in over a month. I am on a six month contract at work with 4 months to go. They have been brilliant. They allow me to work from home. I wake up at 5am and there's no chance of getting back to sleep. I then start work at 6am. It;s only when I have taken my medication that I go downhill with the various side effects, and can't function too well. Work really helps as at the end of the day I feel a huge sense of achievement and it's the only time I feel as though I'm me. The only downside from working at home is that I can't do housework and my house looks like a squat. I have a 27 year old son who treats the place like a hotel and just keeps adding to the mess. He never does anything for me and in fact goes out of his way to make things difficult for me. I want to get a cleaner, but what's the point of paying out money when he's just going to mess it all up again. My sister came over a few weeks ago to clean my house and moaned the whole time about the mess the house was in her exact comments were ''you can't let it get in this state again''. Anyway, it feels good to get this off my chest xx

16 Replies

Your 27 yr old son lives at home yet treats it like a hotel? Time to put a stop. Does he work? Claim benefits? Contribute financially? Or help you in any way?


lara1953 profile image
lara1953 in reply to Bananas5

He works full time. He gives me £175 per month (I pay out £1500 per month for rent,bills and food). I have asked him to move out several times, but he won't go. He's 6ft 3in so I can't physically throw him out (even if he was 3ft I wouldn't be able to do it). I know it seems as though I'm a complete wuss, but I don't know what to do

Bananas5 profile image
Bananas5 in reply to lara1953

Well he certainly isn't contributing his fair share by any means. Do you want him to leave? If so you must get advice.

I'm not sure who the best person to ask is but do you have a social worker? Maybe your GP or family ? I would hate it to turn nasty but you can't go on in your condition.

I could find out from my own contacts what you can do...if you want that is? All done in complete confidence.


lara1953 profile image
lara1953 in reply to Bananas5

thank you. I would be grateful for any help xx

Bananas5 profile image
Bananas5 in reply to lara1953

OK will see what I can find out. I may go quiet for a while but not forgotten you!


lara1953 profile image
lara1953 in reply to Bananas5

Thank you so much x

Bananas5 profile image
Bananas5 in reply to lara1953

Is it OK if I talk with you by pm?


lara1953 profile image
lara1953 in reply to Bananas5

that's fine thanks x

Hello Lara my names June and yes I’m a lot older then you I have a son and daughter age 50s

I have been suffering from the age of 14 will tell you all another day

But I can definitely relate to what you are going through and boy don’t i feel for you

I was just going to write on here regarding yet another problem I needed help with until I saw your comment I’m in a wheelchair now took me a long time to give in to it but I did still not 100 percent about it but I would tell you to go for it girl as I know what your pain is like

I’m here for you if you ever want to talk other than having a few extra things going on I can feel your pain

Please take care I’m now going to seek some answered lol

You say: " I feel a dreadful sense of loss which is not normal." Actually that is to be expected you have lost good health and the ability to do things how and when you like. That is loss. The symptoms of bereavement are to be expected. Those symptoms will run there course in their own way.

You say: " I want to get a cleaner, but what's the point of paying out money when he's just going to mess it all up again." A cleaner will help keep the place within a range of tidiness and cleanliness which will be impossible by yourself. Handling pain control and trying to decide where to put something is close on overload. Having the cleaner do the physical stuff and your deciding where things are to go is far far less taxing on the thinking brain. (Talking from experience).

Sleep is important. Lack of sleep interferes with fine muscle control. Loss of fine muscle control means more pain.

Men will tolerate untidiness and not notice the untidiness. Women can be very sensitive to untidiness. Speak to your local church. They are local and should be able to offer constructive help. Family politics can be very complex. The local pastor/vicar/priest is very familiar with such issues so may be able to provide helpful solutions. If you are Buddhist inclined then join a local Buddhist group. They too can help develop helpful solutions.

Hope that helped letting it all out. Sometimes it helps to talk. You probably do need a cleaner if only to keep on top of things. Understand what you mean. I am recovering from a broken shoulder and have arthritis anyway, during the three months of recovery my ironing has become two bags full about equivalent of a dustbin bag.I still cannot use an iron and I am sure you must be be struggling even more trying to work , clear your sons mess, deal with pain & normal household chores. Leaving it to another day is not the answer either is it?, because then it is even harder to do the cleaning. I found an answer just do one job a day to keep on top of it. I live alone of course so it is only my own mess to clean. Best wishes with finding a cleaner.

Hidden profile image

Bless you Lara

lara1953 profile image
lara1953 in reply to Hidden

Thank you :)

Hello, Lara. I just wanted to let you know you're not alone in how you're feeling. You're maybe feeling a deep loss for your own abilities and it must be incredibly difficult to come to terms with your new situation.

Would you consider giving your son a notice to quit your home and having the locks? His actions and disrespect of you and your home can't be doing your health any good.

I very much recommend having someone come in to clean for you, if possible. I can't do much, but knowing the cleaner is coming helps me to keep surfaces tidy. Between my little bits of work and the cleaner, we keep the house looking pretty good and it's been such a weight off both my mind and body.

I hope it's been good to talk about how you're feeling and I hope other posters might have some good support and ideas for you. Best wishes.

Hi, I agree with a lot of the comments here, Hope it has helped you by sharing what you are going through. A cleaner will be a huge help and have your son sit down with you for a chat, Explain that you want him to move out, as with your disability you feel you will be able to cope much better on your own. Don't take no for an answer, tell him you will have to take other steps in getting him to go and you do not want to go down that path. See how he feels about it and offer him all the help that you are able to give him. All the best. Ann

Hi lara

Only just read this so a little late with reply (considering a more recent post of yours too).

The - 'constantly feeling sick, dizzy & drowsy' - yes, all nasty side effects of the various pain medications. The Zoromorph side effect of constipation & dry stool can cause horrendous nausea. Any doctor who prescribes codeine / morphine pain meds should automatically warn their patient about constipation and prescribe Lactulose medicine or another stool softener and Fybogel sachets or something like Senakot Comfort. But they don't. I think they should also warn patents of the need to drink extra (plenty of) water whilst on these meds. The constipation can also intensify spinal pain / back pain, pelvic & abdo pain. Can put more pressure on spine and circulation and make mobility problems much worse.

About your domestic situation (son) which you've possibly resolved now. Perhaps he could pay for a cleaner? £175 month lodgings is ridiculously cheap. It would be a reality check if he had to look for somewhere else to live. But it's either that or at least double (or more) his rent/lodging contribution??

Hope you are feeling better now.

God Bless



Wish I had a sister like you have - a diamond !

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