I’ve suffered a long and painful life, but for awhile I thought that had marginally improved. I’d survived two spinal surgeries, two heart valve replacements, a cardiac ablation, plus three lesser operations on my left knee and one on my right hand. I learned to walk all over again three times, and was told twice I may never walk again without crutches. I also learned to write again, but permanently lost much of my previous strength, flexibility, stability, and endurance.
In the meantime, I earned three college degrees, held my father’s hand while he died, had most everything I cared about stolen or otherwise lost it one way or another, and spent most of my life doing all of this alone. In October 2016 I got married, finally, and there was some purpose to my life.
Six months ago, all of that fell apart. In January she left, mostly because my health took a turn for the worse and I’m no longer able to make the kind of money that keeps her happy. She claimed it was all in my head and told me to “grow up”.
I’m broke, broken, and my health is fading. The woman came three days ago while I was away and took my bed, an air mattress my father left me, antiques he left me, and the last letter he wrote me wishing me luck in life.
This all happened just a few hours after I was diagnosed with type 2 heart block, and told it’s progressing quickly. I’ve dealt with arrhythmias and syncope spells, even driving off the road once when I passed out behind the wheel (mild concussion, but I’m fine).
I can not afford the surgery for a pacemaker, which is going to be essential in the long run. I can’t get insurance until November. I can’t work, I’m not supposed to drive, I’m sleeping on a crappy old couch, and I’m alone. On top of the new developments, I have old damage in my back; I had a 12-level fusion at 15, which shattered in two places at 21, and I had it all fixed/replaced at 23. My legs and back hurt, and I have an undiagnosed pain in my shoulder that effects my armpit, arm, hand, and chest. My chest hurts, but I can never tell if it’s due to my shoulder, the SVT/AFib, heart block (pulse drops to 40), or old scar tissue from being sawed open (twice).
I’m 31... is there any hope of this improving, or should I give up now?