I have had many periods in hospital and many bouts of major surgery. There have been times when despite the odds I have manged the fight to stay alive. But this seems nothing to what I am left with......The chronic pain, medication, therapy, tiredness and living daily in pain and managing my pain has taken a toll on my life. I measure my pain relief by a simple rule ’ Numb the pain and not the brain’. I have tried everything from alternative therapys, medication, exercise, resting, you name it and I have given it a go. But it has got to the stage that I no longer have the energy to continue. It all seems so pointless. The pain stays. Even when I do succumb to taking enough pain control to escape the pain I still know that, through the haze, the pain is still waiting for the pain control to wear of. I read posts about what works and what doesn't, what drugs do work and what don't, what alternative therapies to try, what vitamins help, what to avoid and what to try. I have at one time tried them all. I have been to all the specialists, doctors, surgeons, physiatrists and pain teams. So the question I find I am asking myself is when is enough enough. I find myself wishing that each day would be my last. My quality of life is such that I no longer wish to have pain as my constant companion. I feel like a boxer who no longer has the strength to get back up and fight.