Enough is enough

[silverbadger]

I have had many periods in hospital and many bouts of major surgery. There have been times when despite the odds I have manged the fight to stay alive. But this seems nothing to what I am left with......The chronic pain, medication, therapy, tiredness and living daily in pain and managing my pain has taken a toll on my life. I measure my pain relief by a simple rule ’ Numb the pain and not the brain’. I have tried everything from alternative therapys, medication, exercise, resting, you name it and I have given it a go. But it has got to the stage that I no longer have the energy to continue. It all seems so pointless. The pain stays. Even when I do succumb to taking enough pain control to escape the pain I still know that, through the haze, the pain is still waiting for the pain control to wear of. I read posts about what works and what doesn't, what drugs do work and what don't, what alternative therapies to try, what vitamins help, what to avoid and what to try. I have at one time tried them all. I have been to all the specialists, doctors, surgeons, physiatrists and pain teams. So the question I find I am asking myself is when is enough enough. I find myself wishing that each day would be my last. My quality of life is such that I no longer wish to have pain as my constant companion. I feel like a boxer who no longer has the strength to get back up and fight.

[cyberbarn]

I am so sorry to hear how desperate the pain is making you feel. And remember it is the pain that is doing this, not you!

How long ago was it that you went to a pain clinic? If it was more than a couple of years ago, it might be worth asking for a referral again to one of the bigger regional centres as the treatment of pain is evolving all the time and they may have more techniques to try.

don't give up, don't let the pain get the better of you!

[silverbadger in reply to cyberbarn]

I am very lucky in being under the constant care of a fantastic medical, psychiatric, pain managment and surgical team. The choice is simple, at least it is on paper. Put up with, also known as managing, the pain or raise/more my pain control. I realy have tried everything. It indeed it does feel like the pain has finaly won and got the better of me.

[Catmag]

So sorry to hear about your pain. I understand what you mean about pain controlling your life.

Although on this forum we can all relate to: acute; constant; debilitating or flare up pain and we can sympathise, none of us really knows another's pain. Pain is subjective, it is pervasive and it's hell to have to cope with.

I agree with cyberbarn, it's the pain that is making you feel the way you do. You have fought through so far, so you are stronger than you think.

I have felt like you do now, but I decided that while it's very, very difficult to cope with daily pain over a long period, I know there are people in this world much worse than me. That motivates me to keep going.

I hope you can find something that can help you through this dark period. Take care of yourself.

Catmag.

[silverbadger in reply to Catmag]

Than you I guess sometimes the right thing to do is just to do nothing and wait for better days.

[deejames]

silverbadger I have tried to compose some words of wisdom, something upbeat about looking for all the positives in life but they seem like mere platitudes.

You do know though that there is a good chance that you will have times when you cope better, when life is not so unendingly bleak ? They are there.

On a practical note what about CBD ? I wasn't having any success with it until I found out how to use it properly in conjuction with my regular pain medication.

I do hope you find some inner strength to bear the things you have to bear.

Dee

[silverbadger]

Dee your words of wisdom come in your heart felt reply. Thank you for your kind words.

[moodeygirl]

I feel your pain. I am in the same boat as you you go to the dr and they either push meds in you that do not work or cause others systems.

Then they send. To al types of Drs. I am tired of going but if you do not go then they will not keep you on your meds

I feel like a walking pharmacy

Best of luck too you

Please feel free too chat if needed

It sure can get lonely.

[silverbadger]

Thank you for your reply.

I’m sure it’s the same with all of us, who live with chronic pain, but I sure am so xxxx tired all the time. The pain is always there just waiting to rear up when we last want it to happen.

I understand what you mean about you feeling lonely, I have made so many plans with friends but when it gets to it I’m in too much pain to do anything or I am in hospital. It has happened so many times that people gradually stopped asking me out and your left stuck at home with only your pain for company.

I think chronic pain is like having a naughty dog with you all the time in that you are always on edge just waiting for it to sink its teeth into you at any time.

So I guess we have no choice but to keep on keeping on until it’s our turn to have the sun shine on us.

Big hugs to you