Score board : pain-1 relationship-0.

Pain truly does effect everything. No matter how strong you are how hard you battle every day how often you fake those smiles it isn't just us it effects daily . Not everyone is strong enough or able to just cope with it . it's hard to understand from the outside looking in .

I know it's the right thing to no longer put someone else though stresses I'm barely coping with . I'd never want anyone to struggle or be un happy and I know i will continue to manage my life with chronic pain the best I can and he will be able to move on and be happy as it's been an awful struggle this summer with moving stress money issues due to multiple issues with universal credits and now pip , the pain being unforgiving this summer really took its toll. One of those glitches in life I guess .

🙁

[Bananas5]

If you mean you and hubby are parting then that is very sad.

Relationships with any chronic illness or disability are hard but they can and do work. David and I have been married 20 years on 19th. My birthday so he could never forget.

When I met him he was already on the chronic pain road. Depressed after his wife walked out as she could not cope with his conditions. No I hadn't the foggiest what I was taking on but by heck I learnt quickly

Over those 20 years there has been many tears. Mine.We have laughed, cried and spent time apart and together but it never crossed either of our minds that we wanted to live apart. I have learnt to adapt and change in the same way as all pain sufferers do. We don't look back as what hee used to do. We can't. We look forward to what life throws. at us whether it is bad or worse.

We moved last summer and that was damned hard. I had to do everything but it was done..Now we have another chapter in life's rich tapestry to discover here in the Canary Islands.

And just to add to the pot...I have been blind 30 years.

Gentle hugs

x

[Hidden in reply to Bananas5]

Thanks for the reply . And it's very much looking like it could be for the best to part . Your message is so true and we have been the same way in many ways except he is able to do things although I was the one doing most things . He does have his struggles that I have always excepted as he did mine. I think I'm exhausted as I am the stronger one mentally and id like to think this is just a glitch where a bit of time apart may give us both a breather I feel personally this yr pain has whooped me good and proper.

[Bananas5 in reply to Hidden]

Maybe some time apart might be beneficial but you may find you need more help than you can manage.

Whatever you decide I hope it works for you both

x

[K1mccannlowe in reply to Bananas5]

Hi just what say will done and I kown I the one in pain and my husband. Help me lot and let him help and that take time I say that to any . It not easy but if your there same one . Can not till what like geting kicking every day of your life but . Just take be there for same love not but it fun xxx

[lowlife]

I hope it's just a blip as life in general is never plain sailing. Yes chronic pain is a struggle for you and your family. When you get angry and depressed it effects everyone around you. I know how exhausting it is to pretend that all is ok. And the guilt you feel when your family wants you to go somewhere and you have to tell them that you can't manage it. I'm sure that most of us on here can relate to that. Tomorrow's another day so just take one day at a time. I hope things work out for you both eventually but stay in touch with us and stay strong. X

[Hidden in reply to lowlife]

I think hope is what keeps everyone going and I'm not one for giving up or giving in easy with out fighting to find solutions be that life or pain.

I think Right now though I'm stuck for how to make this better and yes hopefully just a little time is all that is needed to find the better way forward. But I hate that others have to put up with this as I mostly manage it but it's impacting his and my kids lives so much. Guilt is difficult to deal with ..

And it's not over til it's over and there is still love there that hasn't gone away so fingers crossed for blips kinks and bumpy roads becoming smoother soon

[Toplady]

Aw sweetheart, I understand what you're going through, about 8 months ago I decided that I couldn't cope with ruining my then partner's life and wanted us to split up. I felt that the pain had beaten me and I just couldn't cope any more. I also felt that our relationship had changed so much that he was now my career not my partner/lover and I just couldn't live with it anymore. I had a 'moment' where I had hysterical tears and said I just had to get away and we had to split up. We sat and talked for hours and eventually we came out the other side, he knew how much I was struggling and how much things had completely changed but he still wanted to be with me. It wasn't easy but we kept going and we got married in June.

Life still is difficult but we try and see one good thing every day on which to focus, we've changed our lifestyle to help make managing the pain easier and just concentrate on the day ahead.

I really hope you can work through this, maybe you could try counselling to help you talk without arguing, that helped us?

Keep strong, don't let that bast**d pain win ❤️

[Hidden in reply to Toplady]

Wow thanks. It's so easy to feel like your the only one going through this when just these replies have helped so much .

I'm a nightmare for saying I don't want the pain to win usually when I'm mowing the lawn refusing help holding back the tears knowing I'll suffer for day but " I wanna mow the lawn,"lol

One thing we do is talk endlessly about everything and we don't really argue, we let off a bit of frustration but always end the evening cuddled up .

This has been a build up on 5 months of things just not settling my pain flaring non stop and life's enjoyment of throwing it's usual curve balls and to see someone sad hurting then It is hard to watch.

I would like to think there is aways a solution I'm just stumped right now exhausted but maybe a bit of time with talking could help and even knowing it's not uncommon is a help because understanding knowing or seeing it's not because we don't care or love each other it's just a bump x

[CaitNaidoo]

It sounds like you are having a really shitty time 😥

I'm sure it makes pain worse and or causes it. I too have had a terrible few years and the stress seems never ending. I've had a little cry today, as I am feeling a bit sorry for myself and there's no shame in that. Make sure you take it easy when you need to rest(that can be difficult) have you tried mindfulness? I have an app on my phone called "Calm" It helps me, but not for everyone

[Hidden in reply to CaitNaidoo]

I have plenty of those moments usually when I'm in the bath . I think it's the only place I relax as it can sometimes soothe the pain and also being behind a closed door that I know no one will bother me I can let it all out . I try to take time out to relax not always possible but I do make dolls which has so many elements I can swap jobs to suit pain from knitting on the sofa to maybe a quick burst at the sewing machine with a chair full of pillows .. I love pillows my other half thinks it's crazy but some nights I've 6 spread round the bed and legs everywhere so pillows are a must lol .

Today has been difficult. Tomor is going to be a battle as kids needs shoes which means a trip out to town. Driving hurts walking kills busy shops and making sure kids are happy and even though it's boring shops I try to make it fun somehow because that's the only way I can deal with being in pain is to mask it with silly chats with the kids. And I don't want to fail and be grumpy and for that to make things harder with the other half

Hoping by the wkend he'll be back and we can talk some more ..

[Hidden]

Update : ( pain won .

[K1mccannlowe]

I kown how it is I ny loser every thing and reb you are going to be ok x here big hug . Reb have fun be silly

[Hidden in reply to K1mccannlowe]

Thanks and we are all survivors it's not easy right now but then neither is living with chronic pain so just another thing to over come . And kids are a gd distraction plus my MAN shed is going to be my sewing room and made to work with my pain so I can make my dolls and find some enjoyment so yes difficult times but life must go on x