painfull sex

i have many disabilities so have to be carefull we have been together for 15 years our sex life has always been good but for the past year it has been agony i feel now as though i am to small when my husband tries to enter me its agony every part of sex is pain i clutch the matress and the tears are streaming down my face i have now had to tell my husband that i cant stand the pain i suffer from perifual neuropathy calcified tendanitus and bursitus in shoulders tennis elbow osteoarthritus overactive bladder,osteophorisis vertigo overactive thyroid i dont know whats wrong my husband is great since i told him he has told me see the doctor we dont have to have sex i love you and i wont be unfaithfull great but this just made me feeel so bad i love my husband i am so down i have to see the doctor tomorrow does anyone else have this problem please ,

16 Replies

  • Hello mason and well said on writing how you feel. Never an easy topic.

    I think any one of us on this forum, would answer yes to your question albeit in varying and different degrees..

    You and your husband obviously love each other but you feel you are letting both of you down. You aren't.Cuddles, physical contact, holding hands or just sitting enjoying each thers company can all be be just as enjoyable. Making love is a bonus which you find too painful now. He understands this. Hopefully your GP will explain the same.

    Doing something together you can both do is worth millions. It can be very simple. It is the companionship you share that is important now.

    Don't beat yourself up and stop saying you are sorry. A husband like you have is a treasure. Enjoy him.


  • thank you paton its a dificult thing to talk about i will be seeing the doctor tomorrow morning wondered if it had anything to do with the overactive bladder i have had that for about 2 years ,

  • Maybe but let your Doctor advise. Would be interested what he says. Let me know if you can


  • Wow what an understanding husband you have. Mine was not like that .. As Bananas5 says enjoy him as there are not many like him

  • As my MD said, "Sex isn't just about your vagina." When you feel up to it, get a little creative :)

  • Or as we say...more than one way to skin a cat!!!


  • Lorna-doone 18 hit it perfectly and well said. Coconut oil has been a God send not for intercourse (it is too painful) but for creative ways for both being satisfied. A climax for me is too painful from the top of my head to my toes but not for him. We also talk about when we had regular "normal" sex not in a sad way but by remembering our 41 years of journey together. He has been very understanding. We see this stage as part of the changes in life. You and your husband are OK!!!

  • I'm 18 and I suffer from an overactive bladder and I suffer badly most of the time having intercourse. It is very rare for someone my age to have it so they haven't helped me a lot. I feel sometimes I'm letting my partner down as sometimes it hurts to the point that I'm screaming for him to stop or I'm just extremely uncomfortable.

  • hi poppy first the overactive bladder i have had this for a few years and have to wear incontanance pads do you wear them i did get them from the incontanance nurse but they are so uncomfortable so i bye tenna pads they are shaped .as for the sex what part hurts the most is it when you are first entered have you spoken to you doctor and asked to be refered to a gynagolagist take your husband with you to the doctors the doctor then can explain to you both what is wrong dont let your doctor fob you off i dont do you take any medication for the bladder its hell hardly get any sleep ,let me know ,

  • He mason! I wear the Tena pads too! Ive spoken to a doctor before and he put me on tablet. I can't remember what they were called but they seemed to work for a little bit. The bladder tablets I got given didn't work either and they were talking about putting a balloon inside my bladder but then told me I was too young for that kind of surgery so I'm still suffering. At the moment it seems to be on and off but it's just so uncormforable! I sometimes sit on the toilet for 2 hours just because my bladder feels like it full everytime I stand up. I been walking my dog or shopping and all of a sudden I really need to go to the bathroom but I never make it! When I explained this to the urologist he just told me it's all in my head the first time but then I kept going back and finally took me seriously! It's ridiculous!

  • hi poppy i have not tried the tablets but i know how you feel it seems like every 10 mins want to go to the loo plus gettting up during the night you go to the loo and sit for a while then back to bed as soon as you get back in bed you want to go .i dont know what its like for you but i want to go and when i sill come so i have to massage my stomach then a flow starts but you still want to go so i keep massaging my stomach it come in spurts then back to be i must get up 3 to 4 times ,xx

  • hi poppy what kind of baloon that might help me as i cant take meds .

  • Hi Mason. Not an easy subject to talk about, is it. What kind of pain are you getting? Is it the tightness or does it trigger a pain response in other areas of your body?

    Going from personal experience, I had a condition called vaginismus, which caused my pelvic muscles to contract. I even end up in pain when i have a smear done because of the clamp, i tighten that badly. It caused immense pain during sex, stressed me even more - which in turn made it worse.

    If it's any help, counting down from 5, clenching your calf muscles and breathing out as you consciously release your vaginal muscles works for me. Plus, night time sleep meditation using binaurals.

    In my case it is a psychological thing. One experience caused me pain - and subconsciously my "bits" prepare for more pain each time.

    Ask your GP about it. I hope it gets sorted and you can get back to enjoying yourself soon. 💛

  • hi its when my husband tries to enter me its agony and as you have said i am stressed with the pain so i tense up i went to see the doctor we first talked about my overactive bladder then i have to go back for an examination on on the 8th of december it seems a long time so just have to wait ,thank you for replying .

  • Not important for everyone, I know, but can I just remind folks that lubricants like coconut oil don't get along well with condoms. I think the oil dissolves them...nasty surprise or what...?

  • I have degenerative arthritis and I have arthritis in my pelvis and sacrum. I experienced so much pain during sex I would just about scream. Lubricants don't help me. My dr did do a d&c and attempted a biopsy which she couldn't do as I was full of scar tissue from my c-section. You are lucky to have an understanding spouse. Mine gave up on me. He didn't seem to care what pain I went thru to please him, but when he drank too much he had ED so which was worse?

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