very painfull sex

for the past few years sex has been agony i have fibromyalgia its when my husband enters me the pain is so bad i had to tell my husband as i was crying with the pain i went to the doctore and she examaned me she pushed a clear large contraption inside me it was very painfull she said i was very dry inside so she gave me some lubricants tried them the pain was the same i have tried twice still in a lot of pain its very upseting for both of us we are drawing apart we hardly speak he sometimes sleeps downstairs dont know what to do i have had the menapause .very upset .

15 Replies

  • You can make your relationship work by having plenty of kisses and cuddles. Go out and do things together and learn to enjoy each other's company. It's not your fault that your in pain so talk to him about it and how it makes you feel. X

  • I also have fibromyalgia and had the same problem a few years ago, not sure if it was the menopause but was prescribed cream which slightly numb s that area inside, it worked.good luck Xx

  • hi can you remember the name of the cream i hd an early menapause .

  • hi there, what you need by the sounds of it is lignocaine, it is a numbing agent, if you go to a good size pharmacy and ask to speak to the pharmacist (in the UK you can ask for a private chat and most will have a room for consultations) explain and ask if they can recommend anything like lignocaine i am not 100% that it can be used in the vagina but i think it can, and if not they should be able to advise you what you need. i am a bloke but have complex regional pain syndrome and there is a section of my leg that is extremely tender to the slightest touch, and found it worked well, and after a quick internet search it seems to list lignocaine for use in the vagina but best to make sure. it may lessen your enjoyment of sex but at least you should be able to have a love life. i do understand your husbands missing his love life too, but there is so much more to life than sex, so much for "for better or for worse" where the hell is his support for you. good luck hope it works for you.

  • hi 71256 so sorry can you remember the name of the cream please .

  • It's very common to get dry after the menopause and most women do, tell your husband this and that you want to sort it. I have heard KY jelly is one of the best things to get so might be worth a try. x

  • thanks but i have tried that it did not help .

  • Hi my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer 10 years ago that was the HER2-Positive type being only 36 at the time she elected for a double mastectomy and then followed the chemotherapy and radiotherapy which caused her to go into early menopause. At first she didn't mention that it was painful for her to have intercourse with me but obviously it doesn't take a genius to know that your partner is not enjoying herself also. We /She set about finding someone who could help and we were referred to lots and lots of different specialists there are so many different products that are available unfortunately for us a lot of them are estrogen based and despite the assurance from the medical profession that putting into your body the very stuff that caused the HER2 breast cancer would not be a risk I asked her not to take the chance so for us we don't have penetrative sex any more but there's much more to sex than that. BUT you need to talk with your partner and be open and honest. If he knows that he's physically hurting you when you have intercourse you may well find he's shocked and upset that he's caused you physical and emotional pain? You need to explain why your saying no and quite probably he won't feel the need to go and sleep in the other room but he'll want to comfort you because if you've had a good sexual relationship up until now you're missing out as well on the fun you used to share after all.

    As lowlife said in an earlier reply kissing and cuddling going out and doing things together. You may find a whole new life together. But don't give up on finding a cure for the dryness as I said earlier there's lots of medicines out there to try just get hubby involved in the search for your answer but keep cuddling ok xxx

  • Indeed... Your husband might even think you've 'gone off' him and he's feeling rejected. Talk about it together :-)

  • This is really common and there are things you can do .go back to doctor tell him you want to try something else as lubricant not worked .I was given a hormone based cream which you insert daily for two weeks then twice weekly after called ovestin as isay is hormone based but very low level .Now you and other half need to talk if possible out of the home perhaps a walk in the park somewhere you can relax .listen to each other really listen and be honest about all your worries .Try just being close in the bedroom even not having intercourse take the pressure off ,there are other was to please each other try looking on line together get inventive experiment most importantly have fun get reconnected remember why you fell for each other .god bless xx

  • hi topcat did it work for you please i have fibromyalgia and many other disabilaties the problem also is he is scared to touch me as it hurts i have told him to let me make the decision about my pain threshold as he cant know .

  • Hi mason yes it was very good but takes a few weeks .Can you book a joint appt at doc they can help his worries too ,maybe refer you to a sex therapist I'm sure there will be ones trained especially to help couples with disabilities .Try researching on line there may be books or DVDs that could help.Is there a fibromyalgia website or support group try contacting them I'm sure they will have dealt with this before .God bless xx

  • hi topcat thank you but its dificult because of all the disabilaties i have and just recovering from an operation my husband gets into bed he is scared of touching me as with fibro it hurts me a lot being touched at times but th problem is some days are bearable but he is making the decisions about coming near to me when we get in to bed there are no kisses or cuddles he sleeps at his side and if i try to cuddle him he gets angry he says its not fair as if i cuddle him he gets an erection and we cant have sex i get very upset i am not doing this on purpose i know some of my american friends use canabus patches they are great for fibromyalgia anxiety and post traumatic stress bu as i live in the uk they are elegal i am so depressed .

  • I was given a vaginal tablet called Vagifem 10mcg by my GP after having an early menopause. It has helped me.

    Good luck

  • I've suffered terribly with this & now can add vaginismus to my list of doom :( it started with just pain which I largely managed but then started splitting & bleeding and that was the deal breaker :( my poor husband is so kind & accommodating but I feel like such a failure:( I've had a Fentons procedure to cut the scar tissue from my vulva which has made a 90% improvement but I really need another for the last bit that needs to be removed but can't seem to convince NHS to fund it. My gynae recommended dilators called amielle & a lubricant called sylk which is more gentle than ky.

    Probably TMI but worth it if it helps someone..

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