I recently suffered a sever accident as a pillion on a motorbike . As ever it was the driver of the cars fault a Volvo XC60 , I nearly lost my leg but a fabulous surgeon fought to save it I've had a muscle graft to my lower leg where it was ripped away. My reason for joining this forum is to ask if anyone else finds it hard to accept and adjust to life after a life changing event. I try to see positives daily but struggle, my life before was so so happy my love and I had so many plans, he's now so distant a result of the mixture of guilt and tensions experienced during my three months in hospital and countless surgeries. I can no longer dance , run, train, even shop!! As the damage to my lower leg and foot prevents standing of walking. We talk on the phone but things are so different now, people assume because the outer scars are healed your better, but no one understands the daily struggle with the pain or hurt when you look in the mirror . If I hear the words but you could have died, or you so lucky to still have your leg, I just feel no one around me understands the grief that's caused with trauma , one day your on top of the world then someone takes it all away .
Sarah
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Sair52
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There are 2 types of chronic illness or disability. Those born with a condition and those who accure in adulthood. They are wrlds apart.
You through your accident come into the latter. You enjoyed a life of activiyu, fun and fullfillment. One day...wham...all that changes.
It can only be described as a bereavement. Something you loved and probably took for granted was snatched away through no fault of your own.
You are experiencing all the normal emotions. Blame, anger, grief = I think there are 7 but can be in any order you like.
It sounds like you are still in the early stahes of anger and blame. That's normal. It is all normal. At some ppoint you will have to let go. The accident was in the past and that's where it must stay. OK so you have changed. Your boyfriend has changed. You both cope with what happened at a different time.
You mustn't look back at what you used to do. Look forward to what you can do. There will be much. Not as you planned but life does have a habit of changing for the better.
Somewhere through this grief, anger etc there will be acceptance. Not everyone finds it but believe me when it foes come it is a huge weight lifting.
Maybe counselling for you both might help but no one wants to be told how they should feel. Talking on this forum to others in chronic pain? Talking with your boyfriend how you both fel?
I don't have the answers just now how I came through losing my sight at 31. That was as sudden as you bile accident. There is no cure. No operation. But believe me when I say there aren't enough hours in my day!
hi Sarah,sorry to hear about your terrible accident and alot of emotions can start to come to a head once you're out of hospital,whilst your left to try and gather your life back together you will feel physically drained and sounds like your emotionally worn out,I witnessed two horrific incidents and even though I didn't suffer any physical injuries I am mentally scared and that was over 25 years ago,so whilst not only do you suffer with your leg problems you will undoubtedly be suffering with all the questions and answers you'll be looking for,and I'm sure the list you've got is as long as a family shop at Tesco's,its so hard to give you the right answers without upsetting you,and your right with what you are saying,it's a lonely place,just try and do what you think is right and tell people that your still coming to terms with what's happened and it's a grieving period and time is a great healer,give yourself plenty of time,and don't overthink the what "if's" because that's the one that always causes the most problems,so take care,and good luck😊
Hello Sarah
A warm welcome! I can identify with your situation. I too was a pillion on a motorbike (back in Jan of this year) and survived a near fatal accident. Tragically, I lost my motorcyclist mate in the accident when we were hit by a car.
I fractured the my right side of my body, I've got metal plates in my arm and a rod in my leg. I sustained nerve damage, a head injury etc. Like you, I had an active life before my accident and ten months on, I've still not reached my old level of fitness.
At the start of the year, I was like a kid, bed bound, unable to think much for myself or barely able to feed myself. It's taken a great medical team to repair me, a whole load of blood, sweat and coffee to get back on my feet again.
I'll admit, it wasn't easy, I've suffered from fatigue and had a whole host of challenges to overcome on a daily basis. I couldn't have done all of this without my the amazing support of strangers, instructors, friends and family.
I set myself new goals each day and despite my injuries I learnt to: walk again without a crutch and sling; relearnt how to swim, cycle, dance, write and read again.
You'll have those days when you feel as if you aren't making any progress and want to give up, but persist!
Find people and things that inspire you, no matter how small. I found that even having the most simple conversations with funny, kind and genuine people so helpful; walks in the woods; joining the gym & meeting community groups useful.
Keep going and don't give up on the things you love!
Hold on there... I had a life changing event 4 months ago. I was a fitness model and a bodybuilder with a spartan physique who just started to be successful and things never been better. And just all of a sudden, after all of this, I was diagnosed with chronic pelvic pain syndrome. I have pain 24/7 that is debilitating, cannot sit, lie down long, have sex, i pee every half an hour, I lost my job, friends, girlfriend, can't drive a car because of severe pain, can't go anywhere. I am severely depressed and haven't slept for 3 months. And I am only 22 years old. So, I hope my short story will encourage you to carry on. You will be fine. Time will heal the wounds. ❤❤❤❤
A total ban of motorbikes would be the answer and save the NHS a fortune. Don't blame the car drivers for the accidents, you ride on these unsafe machines, take some responsibility, "think bike" works both ways.
The issue of motorbikes and cars is complex and probably better discussed somewhere else. And few of us lead such perfect lives that we can point a critical finger at someone else, especially when that individual is suffering.
You could argue that a total ban on all vehicles with engines would be safer. Everyone should ride bicycles, walk or simply stay at home.
It's fair to say that not all car drivers are to blame for all the road traffic accidents. It also seems fair to say that motorcyclists are equally valid road users, capable as being competent at handling their motorbikes as any competent car driver.
Yes, there are dangers in all areas of life: riding motorbikes, driving cars, being a cyclist and pedestrian.
As humans, we are all emotional beings and rather than pitting one against the other saying that all car drivers/motorcyclists are causing a strain/issues...wouldn't it better if we look at ways to build, develop and evolve our self awareness, skills and understanding? That way, when things do go wrong, we can be supportive of each other.
I had my accident overseas (whilst I was travelling) and was supported by a hospital in South Africa. I met patients from car accidents, amputees and gun shot victims. I'm glad that the hospital didn't discriminate by what vehicle we used or what reason the patients had to be in there. As a hospital, they are interested in getting their patients mobile again, the best that they can.
Recovery from any kind of traumatic accident regardless of vehicle, will take time. In my experience, it has been important to stay calm and balanced were possible as this helps with ones mind and body to recover.
Your response and its sub-text were most certainly irrelevant! Do you respond to everyone with the
"Well if you didn't..(do this or that) then you wouldn't be in this situation - it's all your fault, etc etc?
Your views on motorcycle riders is totally irrelevant on this forum. They offer zero support or anecdotal advice. Also, telling someone on here that they cost the NHS however many pounds is cruel. With that point of view, you'd be harassing all of us!
Shall we have a total ban on cancer as well then as that would save the NHS a fortune!
Poor gals explaining how her life has been affected following a serious accident, and all your bothered about it's getting a sly dig in about motorcyclists.
If you have nothing helpful to say then don't say anything
Paton has given part of the answer to the question. The other part is more difficult. This is to take responsibility for (your response to) the accident. This is the only way for the accident to lose its power over you. This is to observe all your reactions and just accept them as this is how I respond. You have spent one lifetime learning about things before your accident. You now have to unlearn what you previously learnt and learn something new. The unlearning bit is difficult. It takes time. Time will always do things in its own time and cannot be rushed.
No one can understand your trauma. People can only understand and comprehend their own experience. Emotions are a response to an experience and language cannot describe an emotion because it is not something which is shared.
There are things you can do. You just need to do the things that enable you to uncover the new skills that you can develop.
I think you did as well. It was just we both have been though it and have an understanding of what happens. The person we wrote this for has yet to go through it and possibly needs different versions of the same thing. I don't know if my conclusion is right or not.
I wish more support was available early on for partners and family of those with life-changing illness/accident.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
What's the matter? Oh, just your pain is bad? You are a bit irritable.
No life.
Dying again!
