Having a social life?

Is any one else struggling to have a social life? I'm in my late 20s and I've recently had a bad pain episode which has left me slightly higher on the pain scale compared to previously. It reminded me how pain evolves over time and if I want a social life I need to start making moves on it now because the longer I wait the more I fall apart.

My problem is, I can't for the life of me find anything I can do. Places like Meet up are focused on long walks or meeting in pubs and I don't drink due to my medication. So I'm curious what suggestions people have for building a social life for those of us in chronic pain. The only viable opinion I've found is the cinema, but there isn't much I want to see and as we all know it's much easier to wait a few months and get the DVD for the same price and not have to deal with traveling and increased pain.

16 Replies

  • I am like you but 48. I dif put in the group sometime ago about starting up a support group for people with chronic pain, but a face to face one where we could organise outings ir any other ideas. Please to anyone I have mentioned this to I have not forgot

  • Hey I'm lyk u but I'm 27 years old mother with 3 yung kids. I hvnt yet been diagnosed but I think have essential tremors. My neck is in pain majority of the time and I have head tremors. I have appointment with the neurologist in November hopefully I will get some answers then . But I still don't let this rule my life. I'm learning to drive, I look after my 3 children by self as my oh works. I also don't drink but I do socialise by meeting up friends, shopping wth tym n also I go cinema and I am taking a course where I can also socialise and I also love keeping fit and go on long walks with my friends

  • I hpe this helps you

  • Hi

    I am in my 50s but been in pain since I was 18 , on very high doses of medication, it takes your social life , S you have to plan if you can wLk , sit , stand it reAlly has taken my life

    That is reLly neigitive I know , you are young try not to let it take yours , I don't know whT you can do as it depends on your physical limits

    Try putting an advert where you life , may be start a locL social group for people who understand your issues , that is no easy to do I know ,

    Just try please

    I look back now and wished I could of had a life with out pain

    I wished I know of a group that I could got to


  • I am 24 and am in exactly the same situation

  • HI Kyrios, you are so young to have constant pain, but not alone. There are many more out there I have had chronic pain since I was in my thirties. Don't let it rule your life. I go in pubs and have a soft drink or many serve tea & coffee. Cinema or theatre is another option the theatres often do special offer tickets if you are on low income. Some people go swimming. But speaking from experience joining or starting a group for people in similar situations as yourself often is the best way to go forward. Disabled clubs do all sorts of activities too, if you can bear to see yourself as disabled. Computers have a role to play in socialising, but it is not quite the same as face to face contact in your own locality is it? Sometimes local libraries have details of local groups who meet, and social services/councils know what is available locally. Good luck in your search and keep coming here if only for a chat.

  • I'm the same at 33 :( really gets ya down...... I also have no idea where to start!!

  • I think the best idea I've found would be trying to start a local group. Maybe put up some posters in the shops and ask if people would like to play boardgames or something.

  • Hi I know how u feel am 26 and for me to do anything these days I suffer afterwards. I haven't been out with my girls in a long long time due 2 my lupus and fibro pain. An as 4 drinking it's just not happening these days 4 me last time I did I ended up being rushed into Hosp as my body was so sore and dyhrated had to be admitted for fuilds.

    Feel like a lot off my life has been put on hold or even stopped.. Dinner dates for me from now on, hardcore now but for me instead off a bottle off wine and more lol it's just the one glass, the cinema is great but I get that tired and either fall asleep or go home early.

    Hope u find something that suits ur pain. We are all different. Miss my dancing days but desserts will have to take place of that lol

    All the very best.

    Ruth :)

  • Some ideas I have found that work for me:

    1) To make friends with fellow pain sufferers but not just meet to talk about our pain: Early movie + late lunch. Easy physically, safe in any weather, and readily available in most cities. Oh... We discuss the movie! It is an awesome total break from regular life!

    2) I bought a zoo membership for myself + 1 guest. In Arizona this is a winter/spring activity. It is a total 3.2 mile hike broken into 4 paths by world region. With a zoo membership I & my guest can stroll only one path per trip & not worry that we have wasted the entry fee. On harder physical days, we can ride the train over the entire park. I have enjoyed the company of friends & family of ALL ages. These are times for long chats, catching up & staying close.

    3) I still like the bars scene , occasionally, but I am a dancer who can no longer dance! Depressing to sit & watch. Add no margarita allowed. Hmmm...what to do? Went to a pool bar. Had music, virgin margaritas that tasted good, and shot pool with friends till my back hurt. Then, watched them play. It was a good night! We are looking for a place with pool & darts now. My husband loves darts & promised to teach me.

    4) Small group social parties. Pick 4 friends, plan together a light theme, plus an appetizer & a bottle of wine that each of you will bring. Then you must each bring a surprise guest to the party. The surprise guest may be known by or unknown to the others. They may be a friend, a date, or a new acquaintance. The only importance is that you may not tell each other who you are bringing!!!! IF you are lonely & need to make friends...this works great as 1st get togethers with co-workers or classmates.

  • More fun, at least for me on an exceptionally bored day:

    5) I have one friend who will pick me up, take me shopping, and play motorized race

  • I have to plan ahead for anything outside but I have had to make the effort initially for my husbands well being too. I had to downsize every hobby but found a few home crafts and have done a few craft events thanks to hardworking partner. We started getting out and because my items are 'weird' I'm moving more into steampunk friends and hope to go to first ever steampunk ball soon. I dont expect to move much or drink, but I can talk (especially when on higher doses of meds !)

    Reluctantly , I set up a web page to exhibit my 'stuff' and made some new like-minded contacts that way.

    Is there anything that you would like to try to do? then go outside your usual boundaries. Library groups, talks, lectures, evening classes, theatre, - anywhere, but go out every week. Evenings are usually difficult for pain people, but balance resting and meds in preparation and predict a bit of a backlash the next day/s.

    It will cost you in terms of aggravating symptoms, but with planning and care, you may find the benefits outway the costs. That does sound a little trite even to me, and if a nonsufferer had said it, I might have told them to go......

    BUT keep fighting and smiling; you can go outside or to the loo for a secret suffer and cry, just put the public face back on...it's easier to not scare off new contacts that way. Once people get to know the real you they'll accept you for who you are, not just see the 'invalide'.

    Good luck

  • Ooops, also had another suggestion...bring the world to you. It's a payback for friends who are supportive and an excuse to have a curry/pizza evening plus dvd in, except the rule s include at least one new guest each time and a fixed close down time. Friends in the know won't mind. Those who drink, bring it with them, you provide the food. Curry best eaten next day so cook in advance and just oven heat, or chop stuff ready, then folk can throw own pizzas together to cook whilst you sit! Then you can chat about new dvd after....someone always suggests coffee and gets up to do it - just put everything out ready beforehand. It can be a once-a-monther, which might not be much on the social living scale but it will open other doors, so to speak. Enjoy!

  • I do not know the extent of your pain but have some suggestions. I do know that a gym membership might be great! Not only to help you but for meeting up! Again, I in no way know your pain but I have PSA and know that exercise is good. Great if you can stop when it is enough! Maybe start slowly by getting a personal trainer that can sympathize with your situation! I am sure that this sounds like a "perfect world" scenario too! How about laundromat? Singles doing laundry. I am married but Understand the social aspect and often think where I would be if I EVER had to start over!! I could not imagine. A pub is not always the best place to just casually meet either! Good Luck!!!!

  • I'm 24 and in the same boat.

    Some days this doesn't both me too much as I don't really get on with a lot of people my age and it is hard to understand that I am not able to do a lot of things that an average 24 year old can do.

    I don't drink anymore due to my medication and days out tend to be arranged around what I can and can't do.

    Would be nice to have a support group locally to meet people in the same situation.

  • Social life !? Is that a swear word ? I don't have one anymore

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